The Silence After
by The Sneaky Fox
Summary: Set post-ME3, it focuses on the struggles both Shepard and Tali must face to find their way back to one another, and build the home they've always dreamed of having. M for language and adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Welcome all! This is obviously a post-ME3 fic, as the description has mentioned, starting right when Shepard takes that cliff-hangery breath at the end of the game. It'll focus both on Shepard's recovery and the stranded Normandy crew, specifically Tali.

This is a slightly AUish prequel to _The Storm_, with only minor differences present.

Also, if you haven't read the aforementioned story, I've been told it's not completely horrible, so go read that if you want. However, it's not a necessity, seeing as how this is set before it.

Reviews are always appreciated, so tell me what you think. Happy reading!

* * *

_Howling ghosts they reappear_

_In mountains that are stacked with fear_

_But you're a King and I'm a Lionheart._

_And in the sea that's painted black,_

_Creatures lurk below the deck_

_But you're a King and I'm a Lionheart._

_And as the world comes to an end _

_I'll be here to hold your hand_

_'Cause you're my King and I'm your Lionheart._

**Prologue**

A single heart beat loudly in the darkness, as if it were crying out for its mate, a second heart that beat in tandem lightyears away.

He felt things, phantom agony in broken limbs, blood rolling like crimson tears down his body, pouring slowly out of wounds made by the enemies of a lost war.

Yet all of that was in his periphery. He felt curiously weightless, even as concrete crushed his broken body down into the ground. He saw the stars twinkling overhead, pockets of light poking through a dark blanket. He watched weak mass effect fields bubble and warp before him, turning the stars into tiny swirls.

He was on the Citadel, he realised dimly. He saw one of its arms stretched out miles above, broken and cracked and bleeding fire, a result of the immense power of the Crucible.

Voices. Wavering and panicked, ones he couldn't make out.

He wondered if it was the voices of the dead, beckoning him to the Other Side—wherever that may be. As long as he could be with Tali, he didn't much care about their location.

If he had been able to move, he would've curled into a tight ball, the mere thought of her more agonising than anything he'd ever felt.

_Oh God, be safe. Please, please let her be safe._

His breath came in ragged gasps now, the ache to have her near him filling his chest and making it difficult to breathe.

Images and sensations filled his mind; her face, the smell of her hair, the taste of her skin. The sound of her voice. She was so vivid in his mind that he could almost feel her presence.

_Please be safe_.

"Shepard!" he heard a call in the distance, and he turned his head towards the noise. Or tried to, at least. His whole body burned with pain, bringing him out of his deathly trance as the agony became apparent to his dulled mind. He noticed a piece of concrete crushing his left leg, the limb's circulation cut off and only allowing him to feel a muted pressure from the weight of the rubble.

He also noticed that there was something imbedded into his abdomen, but he couldn't see what. Shrapnel, maybe. His left hand was a complete mess, a bloody mass of broken bone. And he could feel the low flame that was setting across his skin, telling him that he'd suffered burns from the explosion.

He wasn't in good shape, that was for sure.

"Shepard!" closer now, to his right. He opened his mouth to speak, his lips slowly pulling apart, having been glued together by sweat and blood. He felt his throat work, trying to make sound, but all he could muster was a faint gurgle.

"He's around here somewhere! I'm picking up vital signs." The accented voice belonged to Miranda.

He tried to turn his head again, this time with more success. All around him was dust and rubble, shorn metal and smoking ruins. But he could see people in the distance. Most notably was a giant hulking form, one that could only belong to Wrex.

He attempted to lift his arm off the ground, to hail them with movement when sound had failed him, but his muscles didn't have the strength to move. Instead, his fingers twitched as he flexed another muscle, this one inside his brain. He felt the weak response of his biotics and sent out a small push towards the nearest piece of concrete. It fell to the ground, clacking and crumbling as it knocked into other bits of rubble.

His vision got blurry and twinkling spots appeared in front of his eyes, that small use of his energy draining him. Yet it had worked; he heard feet knocking around around rubble, running towards him as they went to investigate the noise.

"Shepard!" called Wrex, who now stood before him. The krogan leaned down and hauled the rubble off of him with a grunt.

"Wrex," he was able to choke out, so quietly that he could barely hear himself. That last small reserve of energy now drained, he sank into oblivion as he felt Wrex lift him off of the ground.

* * *

Miranda scrolled through Shepard's vitals on her omni-tool, fear rising in her chest every time she looked at his broken form.

Wrex had carried the Commander back to the shuttle they'd taken, laying him gently on one of the benches. Kasumi and Jack sat in the shuttle as well, who had both come along to find him.

The whole galaxy had been looking for him, really. Shuttles had begun to comb the Citadel as soon as ships and marines had regrouped and organised.

Three days. Three days, and he was still alive. Miranda couldn't believe it. The readings she was getting told her that Shepard's cybernetics had been damaged, but still showed some form of functionality, which had kept his heart beating.

And his damn armour. The medical programs in it were still _working_, for Christ's sake. She may not agree with the way the Alliance operates, but damned if they didn't make good combat gear.

His vitals suddenly flatlined and she jumped, scurrying over to him. With practiced efficiency and only a touch of panic, she began to preform CPR, pressing down into his armoured chest at quick intervals, pressing her mouth to his and blowing into his lungs.

He took a gasping breath as his readings began to level out and she heaved an exhausted sigh. This was the second time he'd flatlined in the short time they'd been in the shuttle—apparently disturbing his body had disrupted whatever stasis he'd been in, and now it was a constant struggle just to keep him breathing.

She couldn't even use the defibrillator they had; his armour was melted onto his skin and she hadn't been able to pry it off to expose his chest. She needed proper medical equipment to do that and all she had were the simple surgical tools she'd brought.

The shuttle shook as they entered Earth's atmosphere and she caught the IV hanging haphazardly onto the ceiling of the air car, which was connected to Shepard's wrist.

"Shep looks like hell. Do you think he'll make it?" Kasumi asked, her voice abnormally subdued.

Miranda sighed again. "I don't know. The fact that he's still alive boggles my mind, but I don't know how much more his body can take." she said, glancing at him.

It was difficult to look at him and not cringe. God, the pain he must be in. Shepard's body was covered in blood and dirt, his skin burned and riddled with gashes, the remnants of his armour bent and melted at odd angles, some of it even piercing into his flesh.

She heard Jack speaking into her comm, telling the others that they'd found Shepard. All of his old crew had been stationed in London in an effort to help make the final push against the Reapers, and they were all the first ones to set up a search party.

She felt the shuttle decelerate as it touched down in London, which currently had the most organised medical facilities available.

The door opening, she had Wrex place Shepard onto a gurney, which they hauled out of the shuttle and across the rough terrain of London's ruined street.

Many people stood around the landing pad, all wanting to see the Great Commander Shepard. Yet none swarmed them, nor did they begin to yell questions. They stood in respectful silence, paying homage to the man that had ensured the survival of all.

They moved him quickly to the nearby hospital, which was actually a very large tent, its dark fabric stretching out in all directions. The buildings were far too unstable to hold that many injured, and so to avoid even more deaths, they had stringed together army tents in an effort to make a secure environment in which doctors could work.

Miranda ducked through the curtained door, helping Wrex move the gurney. They past a myriad of beds, all filled with soldiers and wounded civilians. Finally, in a far-back corner, they were able to lay Shepard down on a medical cot.

Laying his unconscious form on the bed, Miranda waved a nurse over and told him to start cleaning the blood and dirt off the Commander while she began the grisly process of pealing off his armour.

Cutting away the melted buckles and frayed straps, she lifted his shoulder pieces off, the dense underweave of the combat cloth coming away as well, exposing ripped and burnt skin.

She felt eyes on her and looked up, realising that Shepard had woken up, and was simply staring at her. His blue gaze shone harshly under the wavering medical light, his cybernetics glowing faintly against his skin.

She couldn't recognise the expression in his eyes, but whatever it was, it was painful to look at.

She shook her head and got back to work. He looked so out of it that he likely didn't even know that he was awake. She wanted to talk with him, be able to comfort him in some way, but she needed to stay in her professional state of mind to keep him alive; friendliness would have to wait.

That's what she kept telling herself, but as she began to pull off the chest piece of his armour he gave a pained groan as his skin was torn away with it. She stopped and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to keep a sob back. He was already in so much pain and she was just adding to it.

She felt something brush her other hand, the one that hung limply at her side. She saw Shepard's bloodied fingers brush her knuckles, and she looked up at him.

His eyes held warmth, and looked at her with that damned confident gaze he usually wore; the one he always gave to a crew member who had to make a difficult decision or do something unpleasant. It was one of one of confidence and determination, one that have strength to those that needed it most.

She nodded, her eyes stinging. He always had a way of making a person feel stronger than they were. Even now, as he lay on his death bed in agony, he was helping his crew. If he could do that, then she should damn well be able to do her job.

She methodically took off his combat gear, placing it on the ground beside his cot, flinching, but not stopping, whenever he made a pained sound. When she reached his abdomen, she pulled out the piece of metal imbedded into his side, then sighed with relief as she noticed it hadn't punctured any organs, the armour stopping it from killing him.

Now completely unclothed, she pulled a medical blanket over him and began to bandage and clean what wounds she could, the nurse assisting in any way possible.

She administered a slight sedative, extremely careful about the dosage; too much in his current state could put him into a fatal coma.

Telling the nurse to stay by his side, she collected his armour and went to throw out the pieces. As she picked it up, a piece of paper fell out of the broken pile of armour and gently floated to the ground.

Placing the ruined gear down once more, she bent down to pick it up, then felt her eyes sting again as she realised what it was. Even burnt and smeared with blood, the image was still clear enough to recognise.

It was a picture of Tali, standing unmasked on Rannoch.

* * *

Just a tiny acknowledgement. The little blurb I put before the chapter was taken from a song called "King and Lionheart" by Of Monsters and Men. I suggest you have a quick listen to the band—their music is awesome.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this short prologue!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I wrote the first couple chapters of this piece whilst still writing _The Storm_, so that's why this is out so fast. I have a life, I swear.

The chapters _will _get bigger, but I'm still finalising details and such, so you'll have to suffer through a couple shorter chapters.

Anyway, tell me what you think, and enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 1: Repairs**

Tali stood on the broken right wing of the Normandy, fiddling with the interior components of the panel she'd opened up. It had been a week since they crash-landed on the untouched garden world, and repairs were going agonisingly slow.

She brushed off the grease on her hand onto the leg of her suit, squinting into the depths of the ship. The trees constantly moved, their leaves throwing shadows around and making it infuriating to look at the intricate cables that made up the guts of the Normandy.

She turned one of the tiny flashlights on the side of her helmet and began digging inside, reconnecting what wires she could and making note of all the ones that needed to be stripped and repaired.

"Tali," she heard Garrus call as he approached her, feet crunching on the churned up dirt and grass around the ship, and she resisted the urge to cringe. She hated it when people came to talk to her; people dredged up too many memories of _him_, memories that crippled her.

She stuffed the rising panic in her chest as she turned to Garrus, making sure to keep her voice neutral. "Yes?"

"Adams wants me to make you take a break, and I agree with him. You've been working non-stop ever since we crashed."

Her voice held a touch of anger. "You want to get off this planet, don't you? The more I work, the faster the Normandy can become space-worthy."

There was sadness in Garrus' small eyes, and she knew what was coming next. Bracing herself, she heard him say, "I know you working this much isn't about that. We've all taken Shepard's death hard—"

She didn't hear the rest of his words; her brain had stopped functioning as soon as he'd said his name. Memories of John, ones that she could call the happiest memories of her life, flashed in her mind. The excitement of being abroad the SR1 for the first time; the pride she felt within herself as she helped the Commander face down Saren; the rush of warm when he'd told her about his interest in her; the warm ache low in her belly and breasts as they spent their first night together; the joy she'd shared with him as they retook Rannoch, the promise of building her a home never leaving his eyes; the fear and need she'd felt as she came to him before the final battle, trying to make as many happy memories as she could with him in one night; the agony of leaving him behind in London—

She hopped down from the wing and shoved passed Garrus, turning down her audio output so that he couldn't hear her rising sobs.

She ran into the ship and climbed the maintenance ladder to Deck One, then collapsed onto the floor, curling into a tight ball and hugging her arms around herself, no longer able to contain her sobs. Even with her helmet turned off, they could be heard echoing in the empty space of the cabin. She rocked and rocked, the pain swelling to such a great weight in her chest that she thought she might suffocate.

_As soon as the repairs are done_, she kept telling herself. _As soon as they're done, I won't have any more responsibilities. As soon as they're done, I'll be able to see him again._

Tears stung at her eyes as she rocked, and Tali wondered how she hadn't yet died of loneliness.

* * *

He blinked, his vision slowly coming into focus. He felt a familiar, dull fire radiating throughout his body, telling him that whatever pain medication he had in his system was going to wear off soon.

He shifted in the cot he lay on, then hissed as his limbs screamed at him. The pain made him lightheaded, and he stared up at the tented ceiling and took measured breaths, waiting for the nausea to pass.

Wait, tent? Why was he in a tent? He remembered being in the Citadel, the memories fuzzy due to his dying state. Then Wrex had picked him up and...

"Hey, you're awake!" he heard a thick british voice to his right and turned his head.

There was a man lying on a medical cot next to Shepard, whose whole left arm was bandaged and strapped to his side.

"Yeah... How... how long have I been asleep? And where are we?"

The man's brows drew together in thought. "I'd say a week or so. And we're in London. This is the hospital they've set up. A tent hospital." the man said, shaking his head and chuckling.

Shepard's brows rose as he processed this information. A week?

"So... you really are Commander Shepard, aren't you?" the man asked, eyes alighting with interest.

"That's what everyone keeps calling me." he said, groaning as he attempted to sit up.

"Shepard! Don't you dare move!" an irritated aussie voice called out. Miranda appeared at the foot of his bed, and seemed to be trying to force him back down onto the cot with a baleful glare. When that failed miserably, she walked over to his side and put a hand on his chest.

"I said don't move, dammit!"

"I don't think you should be talking to your superiors that way, Ms. Lawson."

The man beside him snickered, then turned it into a cough as Miranda shot him a withering look.

"You're not my CO anymore, so shut up and lie down."

"I've been sleeping for a week. I want to sit up."

She blew out a long suffering sigh, then caved and helped him sit up.

He clenched his teeth in pain as his movements disrupted the gash on his abdomen. Movement that was made even more difficult by the fact that he could only use one of his hands to support his weight.

Now semi-comfortable leaning back on a mass of lumpy pillows, he sighed, closing his eyes. Just the effort used to sit up had taxed him.

"How are you feeling?" Miranda asked as she readied what looked like a very large needle.

He eyed it suspiciously as he replied. "Like death warmed up. What is that?"

"A slight sedative. It'll help with—"

"I don't want it."

She snorted. "I don't care. I'm in charge of keeping you alive and I'm damn well going to do it. Now hold out your arm. It'll ease the pain."

He glared at her, weighing his options. The sedative would likely make him go back to sleep, which he didn't want to do.

"Can I have something to eat first?" he asked. He wasn't the least bit hungry, but figured that it would stall his inevitable fall into oblivion by about twenty minutes if he ate slowly.

She eyed him for a moment, then nodded. "What would you like?"

"Steak and potatoes, if it's on the menu."

Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't even know why I bothered to ask. I'll be back with your meal in a minute." she said, walking off in search of what was probably Alliance rations.

The man beside him burst out laughing, then groaned. "Jesus, don't make me laugh. My side is barely holding together as it is."

_Ow, don't make me laugh. Dammit, my face is barely holding together as it is_.

Memories of Garrus getting his face bandaged by Chakwas filled Shepard's mind as the man's words almost mirrored what Garrus had said to him after he'd called the turian ugly. His eyes darkened as a string of other memories and images followed it.

Terror suddenly gripped his chest as he remembered something. Tali's picture.

He searched around frantically, patting himself down and throwing off the covers, dimly noting that someone had taken the time to put loose pants on him.

He turned over his pillow and saw it lying there, then breathed a sigh of relief as he picked it up.

Burnt, creased and bloodied, it was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, only rivalled by the actual woman in the picture itself. His fingers brushed over the dirt-clouded image of Tali's unmasked face, heart aching. _Please be safe_.

"You alright?" the man asked, and he looked up, his gaze sheepish as he answered. "Yeah, just... making sure I have my things with me."

He looked like he was about to ask what the Commander was looking at, so Shepard quickly asked, "What's your name, soldier?"

The man straightened a little. "Sergeant Banner, sir." he stuck out the hand not pinned to his side.

Shepard went to shake Banner's hand, then looked down at his appendage, squinting at it.

The palm was completely covered with white gauze, and three of his fingers were in splints. The thumb appeared to be in somewhat working condition.

But what had caught his attention was not what was there, but what was missing. His ring finger was gone, the only testament to its existence was the slightly larger-than-normal gap between his middle and pinky finger.

His eyes widened as he looked at his four-fingered left hand, not quite sure how to react.

"Shepard?" he heard Miranda's voice and he looked up, seeing her holding a plate of food.

"What happened to my hand?" he asked, holding it up.

She winced. "I'm sorry, Commander. I had to amputate. Your third finger was so badly damaged that I couldn't even replace the bone with metal inserts; it was just a bloodied mess."

"... I see." he said, staring down at his hand again.

"Here's your food, Shepard." Miranda offered, sounding apologetic.

"I'm not hungry."

* * *

Garrus stood there for a moment, staring at the space Tali had occupied just a moment ago.

He closed his eyes, frowning. He knew what he'd done wrong and silently berated himself for it. The mere mention of Shepard's name sent Tali running, and he'd just went right out and said it.

He missed Shepard almost as much as Tali did. The man he'd come to know as his closest friend was now dead, and the Normandy wasn't the same.

Everyone spoke quietly; there weren't the usual outbursts of humour as the crew laughed at a joke around the mess hall, or the back and forth of workmen calling to one another as they kept the Normandy in shape. Everyone stayed as quiet as possible, as if being loud would be a disgrace to Shepard's memory.

Tali was the worst perpetrator; she'd either be working on the ship or be up on Deck One, and would almost never speak a word to anyone. She wouldn't even ask for help—she'd simply collect the tools she needed on her own or fix the problem by herself.

It filled Garrus with fury. Fury that he couldn't do a damn thing to make her feel better, or even try to make her talk. Their interaction just now was the longest conversation they'd had since the Normandy had crashed, and he'd blown it.

"Sir?" he heard a crewmen behind him and turned. With Shepard gone, he was the ship's CO, a position he already hated. His respect for Shepard, which was already monumental, rose a couple notches. As a CO, you could never show doubt or fear; doing so would endanger the mentality of the entire ship. You were always supposed to have the answers to every damn problem you faced.

Was this how Shepard felt? Slowly being swallowed by the immense responsibility of keeping his entire crew confident and at the same time internalize all his own doubts, his insecurities, while he fixed everyone else's? Garrus was already going insane and it had only been a week.

"Uh, sir?"

Garrus shook his head, dispelling his thoughts. "Yes?"

The man handed him a data pad and Garrus skimmed through it, looking at the estimates it read out to him, and he heaved a sigh. Better get to work.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Just a little note about the pacing. This story will be slower than my previous one, as there aren't any bad guys this time; mostly character interactions and such.

It seems like the POV will be more on Shepard than Tali than I had originally planned, as there is so much more going on on Earth. However, Tali will be the main internal conflict of this story, so she will be mentioned quite frequently. Don't worry though; you WILL see her in later chapters.

Anyway, happy reading!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Poisonous Quiet **

Hannah Shepard ducked under the tented door of the make-shift hospital, nodding to a passing nurse as she walked by. She had been informed that her son was awake, and she'd practically ran over here.

She'd seen the state he'd been in when John had first arrived in London, and her heart had been gripped with the same jolt of terror and dread she had felt when she'd been told only a couple of years earlier that he'd died in space.

She took a left and walked down a fabric hallway, seeing medical cot after medical cot as she made her way to John. Voices could be heard as she got closer.

"Shepard—"

"I'm fine right where I am, Miranda."

She heard the two conversing as she rounded another tented corner and spotted John's cot, walking over.

"Hackett insists on at least getting you a separate room," Miranda said, frowning at the bandaged form staring up at her with his usual calm look that always held a touch of dry humour.

"You move me into a separate hospital room, that's space that can no longer be used to store supplies or house people that have lost their homes. I'm quite comfortable right here."

Miranda sighed. "Alright." she saw Hannah approaching and turned, giving her a slight smile. "I'll leave you two," Lawson looked back at John to give him one last warning look. "Move and I knock you out for another week."

"Yes, ma'am."

Without another word, Miranda turned and left, heels clicking softly.

"I think I'll go play cards with Morrison," said the man lying in the bed next to John's, and she smiled gratefully at him.

He tossed her a salute and murmured "ma'am" as he got up and slung a coat over his gauze-covered form and walked towards "patient lounge" section of the sprawling tent, which was really only a couple of supply crates with mismatched stools arranged around them.

Hannah walked over and sat down at the foot of John's cot, careful not to disturb the bandaged leg, lumpy under the thin blanket. She covered his good hand with hers, a look of concern on her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm—" his mouth twisted as he interrupted himself, collecting his thoughts.

"I'm alright," he said finally, frowning slightly. His face was dark with bruises, cuts and burns, the cybernetics standing out even more against his injured skin.

She took a good look at him, studying the features she had come to know so well.

He was sitting up, his abdomen completely covered with gauze. What she could see of his chest was marred with even more burns and cuts, old scars standing out in faint white pock marks, the legacy of a life forged in war etched into his skin.

She looked up to his face, his blue eyes almost glowing in the dim light, a calm azure. They stood out against his battered face and the faint orange glow of cybernetics. The bridge of his nose had a slight bump in it from when he had broken it as a child. High cheek bones and a strong jaw, he was as familiar to her as her own face.

Yet his eyes held the sorrowful wisdom of an old man that has seen far too much of the world, a quality that she had not seen in him before. John had always been more mature than his years—he'd practically been born with wrinkles—but this melancholy aura had not been there last time she saw him.

She framed her next sentence carefully.

"I asked Hackett to send out any patrols that he could spare to... search for the Normandy."

He didn't say anything for a moment. His jaw clenched and she saw him swallow hard, looking away from her.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"We'll find them. We'll find Tali." she said, trying to sound confident. She had only met the woman during John's funeral, but she'd heard of his attachment to her, and his old crew had attested to that.

His head snapped back and he studied her, his face an impenetrable mask. "How do you know about Ta—about her?" his voice had caught on her name, and Hannah's heart ached for her son.

"I'd heard about it. Media hype and whatnot. I had asked Anderson about it and he'd said that you two were close. Your crew had also mentioned it."

He flinched at Anderson's name and she squeezed his hand, trying to catch his eye, which was studying a loose thread on the blanket with vested interest.

"I see. Since you're not asking me how I could ever think of sleeping with an alien, I assume you're alright with it?" The bitter humour in his voice told her that he didn't want to have a serious conversation about it.

She smiled at him. "If you slept with an elcor I'd be alright with it. You're a good man, John. You deserve to be happy."

"Mphm," he grunted, sounding like he didn't really believe her.

Her omni-tool beeped and she jumped, looking down at it.

Damn. A meeting with the Admirals and the representatives of the other galactic species. Couldn't she have five minutes alone with own son?

"You can go, mom. I don't mind." he said, reading the message over her shoulder.

She smiled at him again. "Nosy parker. I thought I told you not to read over people's shoulders?"

"I don't remember that conversation," he said, some humour pooling in his blue eyes.

"That's because you were too busy figuring out how to get into trouble next." her smile faltered as she looked at the message again. "I'm sorry—"

"It's alright. I'm quite aware of how one plays the political game. God knows I've had enough practice."

She laughed, standing up. "I don't doubt it." she put a hand to his shoulder, his bruised skin warm under her fingers. "Stay breathing, you understand me? I'll beat you if you make me go to your funeral again."

He chuckled, then grunted as the movement hurt his battered form. "I will keep that it mind, Admiral."

She gave him one last smile. "Take care, Johnny."

* * *

He watched his mother walk away in silence, smile fading.

Good man? He didn't think so, but it was nice to see that someone else did. Shepard was glad that his mother approved of his relationship with Tali, but a darker part of his mind whispered that it didn't matter how much she approved when his girlfriend was likely dead.

His fists clenched in denial, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out as it hurt his crippled left hand.

He brought his broken appendage into focus, studying it. The sight of his hand only having three fingers was slightly nauseating, and he dropped it onto the thin mattress, sighing.

He had only been telling part of the truth when he'd told Miranda he didn't want a private medical room. Yes, it was logical that he stay here to save space for more practical things, but that wasn't the whole of it. He also didn't want to be alone. The silence of solitude was deafening and most times he couldn't stand to listen to his own thoughts. Better to stay where it was crowded lest he go insane.

"Hey Shep."

He looked up to see Kasumi's small form standing near his cot, and he forced a smile.

"Come to visit the cripple, eh?"

She grinned and sat down cross legged at the edge of his bed, her tiny stature taking up so little space that he barely felt the mattress shift.

"Yeah, thought I'd drop by. How's the..." she trailed off, waving a hand in his direction.

"Everything?" he asked, amused, and she nodded. "Hurts like a bitch. Miranda already wants to get me into some physiotherapy program to help with my hand and knee."

Kasumi nodded. "I know it was under rubble and stuff, but what state is it in, your leg?"

He shrugged, wincing as it pulled on his burnt skin. "Miranda had to replace my kneecap and the whole bone of my lower leg. Says with therapy I'll be able to have general functionality in a couple years, but I'll always be a little crippled."

Kasumi grinned under her hood. "Does that mean you'll have a cane?"

He gave her a nasty look. "Yes."

She giggled. "Are you going to be like one of those old guys that yell at people to get off their lawn and hands out raisins on Halloween?"

"Only to you."

* * *

"Admiral Shepard?" Admiral Dwahan asked, eyes bright against his tanned skin as he repeated his question with a bored voice.

She looked up from her view of a ruined London through the rainy window, and gave a sheepish smile. "I apologise, I was somewhere else. What was the question?"

This had happened before; many times, in fact. She rarely paid attention in these meetings, although she knew they were important.

"What is your vote on allowing the turians and quarians to gain access to our farmland for special plant growth?"

She frowned. "My answer is yes, of course; give them whatever they need to help their people. Why the hell would I say no? We just fought a galactic war together, the last thing I want to do is starve my allies." she replied, annoyed. What kind of stupid question was that?

She heard a deep rumble of a gravelly voice and looked over to see the towering krogan—Wrex, she remembered his name was—eyeing her with amusement. "I can see where Shepard got his attitude from."

"Very well." Dwahan said, interrupting any friendly conversation with his stern tone. "Now, the next item on the agenda is electing a new human Council member."

She groaned. Why were they worrying about this now? People were left wandering the streets in search of food and shelter—they could figure out a who governed whom later.

Her eyes were drawn back to the window, and she noticed that she wasn't the only one who had stopped paying attention.

Sitting to the left of her was Admiral Shala'Raan, one of the quarian Admirals that had come to these meetings to represent their people. The woman was quiet most of the time and seemed to agree with the majority vote, whether that was because that was her own decision or she was just following the crowd, Hannah didn't know. Something in her gut told her that it was probably the latter, though.

She couldn't judge the woman too harshly, however; the other quarian Admirals were loud and intimidating, especially Han'Gerrel. Even she would be reluctant to go up against them.

She wondered if any of the Admirals were close to Tali'Zorah. She was quite curious about the girl. Any woman that her son held in such high regard was certainly worth meeting; John was a difficult man to earn respect from.

She heard Hackett give an almost inaudible sigh next to her, and she turned to look at him.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and his lips twitched.

She returned the look and her lips tugged up as well. It seemed that many found this meeting to be quite dry. She wondered what John would do if he was here.

_Probably start telling the others to get their shit together and focus on the people in the streets instead of politics._

The thought made her snort, then quickly covered it with a cough, cheeks reddening as more than a few people glanced at her.

She shuffled the papers in front of her to make it look like she was paying attention, and sighed inwardly. She almost envied John; at least he didn't have to go to these damn meetings.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Bit of a sillier chapter. I was getting a little depressed writing some other scenes so I decided to lighten the mood a little.

Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Hunger Pangs**

He wondered what Tali would think of Christmas.

He sat on the edge of his cot, a small smile on his face as he watched the festivities. Christmas had hit London along with a surprising amount of snow, and its citizens had taken the celebration of it very seriously.

He could understand why, of course; after the death and destruction that had consumed the galaxy, taking part in a holiday would greatly help with morale.

There was music playing, and they'd cleared a bit of space to allow people room to dance. The alien patients had at first been a little dazed at the sudden festivities, but soon joined in, even if they didn't have a clue what the hell it was they were celebrating.

The nurses and able-bodied patients had passed around alcohol for any that wanted some, along with a bit of actual chocolate instead of the usual crappy alliance rations. How they'd actually gotten some he didn't have a clue, but he wasn't complaining, the tiny square melting slowly on his tongue as he savoured the sweet flavour.

In his good hand was a glass of whiskey, still untouched. In his crippled one was the burnt picture of Tali, his thumb running over the surface of the paper, almost feeling the texture of her actual skin.

His mother had visited him again, wishing him well and none-too-subtly encouraging him to join the celebration, which he declined. He was not in the mood.

"Hey Shep." Kasumi uncloaked and appeared to his left, offering a hand. "Wanna dance?"

He sighed. Seems his mother wasn't the only one that wanted him to take part in the holiday cheer. "You realise that I can barely walk, right? Miranda only started letting me move around last week."

"That's okay. The less you move, the more you'll look like you actually know how to dance."

"That makes no sense."

"Come on! It'll be fun!"

"No."

She flopped onto his cot. "You're so _boring_." she groaned.

She looked over at his scarred back and sat up suddenly, as if she'd just remembered something. "Wait! I got you a present!"

"You didn't have to—"

"Be quiet."

She stood up and walked over to where he'd be able to see her without looking over his shoulder, digging around in the mass of pockets that made up her suit.

Finally finding what she wanted, she pulled out a rounded object wrapped in what looked to be paper covered in birthday candles.

"You know my birthday isn't until April, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know. But I couldn't find any Christmas wrapping paper so I had to settle for this. Now open it." she thrust it at him and he set his drink down on the floor next to him, taking the ball-shaped present. He opened it up, lying the ripped paper on the blanket.

It was an apple. An actual, real fruit. Not freeze dried or reconstituted.

"How the hell did you get this?" he asked, tearing his eyes away from it long enough to look up at the tiny thief, who had a smug grin on her lips.

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out."

He shook his head, looking down at it again. He smiled at her. "Well, thanks Eve. I don't think I've had real fruit since..." he frowned, trying to recall. "Since I graduated from the N7 program, I think it was; they had a buffet for all the graduates."

"No problem, Adam." She said, sitting on Banner's cot, which was vacant. He wondered where the man had gone. "And the last time you had fresh fruit was what, twelve years ago?"

He nodded. "Military life is quite the bitch. Want some?" he asked.

Her eyes lit up. "Sure."

He reached under his bed and felt for the knife strapped to one of the legs. Grabbing the handle, his hand came up and brandished it menacingly at the doomed apple.

"You keep a knife under your bed?"

He nodded, pealing the red fruit with care. "I felt weird without it. I don't even have a gun, which feels even weirder."

"I could get you one. Then you could protect yourself from that horny nurse that keeps looking at you."

His hand slipped and he nicked his finger. "Damn it." he put the finger to his mouth to stop the bleeding, eyeing Kasumi. "What the hell are you talking about?"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, you haven't noticed? She makes goo-goo eyes at you every time she walks by."

"What—"

"Shhhh! Here she comes!" she whispered fiercely to him.

The aforementioned nurse was indeed walking over here. The blonde saw him looking at her and she smiled brightly at him, coming to stand a little too close next to his bed.

"How are you feeling, Commander? Any pain?" she cooed, looking over his half-clad form with decided interest.

Technically Miranda was supposed to be his caretaker, but doctors and nurses frequently checked on him as well. This one most of all.

The look she was giving him made the blood rise to his face, and also made him realise that he hadn't had sex in about a month. Thoughts of Tali's body came to mind and he immediately shoved them from his brain.

"I'm uh... I'm doing alright." he said, stumbling a little.

The nurse noticed this, of course, and her smile grew wider. "That's good. Is there anything you need?" based on her body language and the way she kept eyeing him, he was quite certain what she was offering.

"I'm good, thanks." he tried to keep his tone as polite and neutral as possible.

She looked disappointed and her shoulders drooped. "Fine," she said, rather rudely, and walked off. Judging by her looks, the woman hadn't been rejected very often.

Kasumi snorted. "She's a piece of work. You done with that apple yet?" she glanced down at the fruit in his hands, now pealed. He cut it in half, seeing the tiny seeds of its core appearing, and handed one half to her.

"Woah, don't give me this much. It's yours, after all."

He shrugged. "Give it out some other people then. I sort of feel greedy eating the whole thing."

She gave him a look from beneath her hood. "Seriously? You can afford to be a little greedy, Shepard. You saved the galaxy."

Before further conversation could go on, he heard someone call his name.

"Shepard! You know how to play poker?" A man with his arm in a sling and a bandaged head walked over. Corporal Morrison, he remembered the man's name was.

"I'm not bad at it," he admitted.

Kasumi seemed to have shoved most of her half of the apple into her mouth when she saw the man approach. Apparently she didn't want to share.

"Is that an apple?" Morrison asked, eyeing the fruit in Shepard's hands.

"It is." he said, popping a segment into his mouth. "Wanna piece?"

"Sure, thanks." he offered the man a slice, who inhaled it. "Jesus, that's good."

Shepard could only agree, the juices making his salivary glands tingle. "So, you up for some cards? We need a couple more guys."

He shrugged, grabbing his cane and standing up. "Why not?" he wiped the knife, which was sticky from the apple, on his pant leg, walking over and sheathing it on the leg of the cot. He picked up Tali's picture with care, placing it gently under his pillow. That done, he retrieved his drink from its place on the ground and motioned for Morrison to lead the way.

The man looked at him oddly, but when Shepard didn't elaborate, they simply walked over to the patient lounge area, readying themselves for a fierce battle of skill and luck.

* * *

"Goddamn it!"

He heard half a dozen foreign curses meet his ears as well as they all lay down their cards.

Shepard laughed as he saw the annoyed expressions on everyone's faces.

"_Mon Dieu_, Commander. You must be cheating," the petite French woman sitting across from him insisted. He didn't actually know her name, as the others only ever called her Frankie. Judging by the way she held herself, she was proud of the racist title.

"You don't have to call me that, you know. It's insulting to ask you to call me Commander when I beat your ass so badly at poker."

A round of laughter was heard among the players, and Morrison slapped a hand on his back. "You ain't too bad, Shepard. Thought you'd be one of those stick-up-the-ass drill sergeants."

He shrugged, but was interrupted by an accented voice.

"Shepard?"

He turned in his chair to see Miranda standing there with an apologetic smile on her face.

"Seeing as how you've begun to recover, the Admirals want you at the meeting they're about to hold."

He groaned. "Why? I'm just some lunatic to them. I hardly think I'll be able to keep up with their great minds." he added dryly.

A smile tugged at her lips. "Well, now you're a lunatic with friends in a very powerful political position. Wrex'll be there; at least you won't be bored to death by yourself."

He sighed. "Alright. I'll be there."

She nodded, then handed him a couple of pills before walking off. "Take these if the pain is bad."

"Aye aye." he replied with a salute, and she rolled her eyes, turning and going to help doctors with other patients.

He shoved the pills into his pocket, standing up with a steadying hand on the table.

"You're one lucky son of a bitch, Shepard." Morrison said, eyes following a retreating Miranda.

He raised a brow, wincing as he felt his knee pop. "Yeah? Why's that?"

Morrison looked at him. "That aussie you got there. Woman's got curves for days. I don't think I've ever seen an ass that perfect."

Shepard grinned as he imagined what Lawson would do had she heard that comment. Break Morrison's nose, probably. Or kick him in the groin.

"Just friends. We're not sleeping together."

Another of the men at the table eyed him suspiciously. "You're _just friends_ with _her?_"

Shepard nodded, grin fading. He suspected where this conversation was going and didn't want to talk about it.

"Naw, Commander's already got it bad for someone else." he heard Banner behind him and turned to see the man with his newly un-bandaged arm around a woman. Obviously the man had been enjoying the festivities as well.

"Yeah? Who is she?" Morrison asked, interested. The others sitting at the table also turned to look at him.

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he grabbed his cane and began to walk away from the poker table.

"Why not? Damn, did she dump you?"

He looked at Morrison, and whatever was in his eyes made the man flinch. "She's dead."

* * *

"Why is this relevant, Mr. Turner?" Shepard asked, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice with limited success.

The meeting had been boring, to say the least, and now he was trying to find a quiet place to think for five minutes. Which Turner was not allowing, unfortunately.

The man was head of the Terra Firma party, and was a candidate for the new Councilor position. Shepard didn't have a damn clue *why*, but he took solace in the fact that the man was not very popular.

"I just wanted to relay all the facts to you, Commander. It would be great to see you promoting our party for the coming election." he sounded a little out of breath as he tried to keep up with Shepard's long stride.

Shepard stopped walking, making the man bump into him. He turned around, eyes sparking with anger. "You want me to promote a pro-human political party after what the galaxy has been through together? Do you realise how stupid that sounds?"

The man faltered, but tried again. "I assure you, it's for the best. Humanity has shown the galaxy that *we* are the strongest force; the man who defeated the Reapers is human, after all! And we want you to help the galaxy realise this! These aliens would be nothing without us!"

The look in Shepard's eyes made the man's eyes widen with fear, and suddenly Turner was slammed into the wall with a had wrapped around his throat. Shepard was so close to the man that his face was a blur, and he spoke very quietly.

"I've watched my friends, my _family_, die to protect other races when they had no obligation to. They did it because they knew that others needed help. And now you stand here and arrogantly say that *humanity* is the strongest, the best, when you're a living example of how close-minded humans can be? Fuck you. You don't deserve power. When you've earned it, come talk to me."

He loosened his grip on the man's throat and let him slide to the floor in a fit of wheezing coughs, his face a painful red.

Shepard could feel the air distorting around him as he strode away, his biotics manifesting as they did whenever he became angry.

He wasn't quite sure why he'd gotten so enraged. Maybe it was because it was his friends that had watched his back when humanity had declared him crazy and locked him up. Maybe it was because it was Garrus and Tali who had stood with him in those final moments before the run to the beam.

He took deep breaths as he slowed his pace, his leg protesting his quick movements.

He had successfully calmed himself down by the time he'd ducked into the tented door of the hospital. It was dark already, the winter bringing short days, and many were already asleep.

He past the patient lounge to find it empty, and he sat down on a stool for a moment, rubbing at his bad knee. He hated being crippled—his greatest skills were his knowledge on how best to kill his enemies, and his injuries had taken away the ease with which he had been able to move before. Now, he felt open and vulnerable to attack, a feeling that bothered him more than he cared to admit.

"John," he heard a husky voice say, and turned his head to see that blonde nurse again, appearing from the darker corners of the sprawling tent.

"Hi." he said, eyeing her warily as she walked over to him, her lips pulling back in a smile. He stood up, wincing. "I was just going—"

She grabbed onto his shoulders and moulded her mouth to his, stepping very close to him.

He was so completely surprised that for a moment he simply stood there, wondering what the hell was happening. When his brain turned back on, the first thing he noticed was how soft her lips were and how good she smelled. He immediately jerked away, grabbing her by the arms and gently but firmly pushing her away from his mouth.

She smiled at him. "I know we didn't get off on a good start before but I just—"

"Please leave me alone." he said urgently. "You're very attractive but I'm already with someone."

Her eyes alighted. Fuck, he'd said the wrong thing.

"You find me attractive?" she stepped closer to him, her breasts brushing against his chest. "How serious is this relationship of yours?" she cooed, so close to him that her lips almost brushed his, and her fingers trailed down his stomach. Her breath was warm on his cheek and she smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, unsuccessfully trying to ignore the sudden rush of blood to his groin.

He grabbed her arms and pushed her away again. "Very serious. Please, _please_ stop, okay?" to his ears he almost sounded like he was begging, but the woman seemed to get the message.

She studied him for a moment, desire fading from her eyes. Replacing it was something mean and cold, and suddenly her face didn't seem quite so lovely.

"Asshole," she said finally, storming off, leaving him standing there confused and uncomfortably aroused. What the hell was wrong with her?

His pants felt tight and he scrubbed a hand over his mouth, trying to get the taste and sensation of her off of his lips. He took measured breaths, closing his eyes and willing his heart to slow down. Miranda had attached a monitor to him to notify her in case his vitals spiked and he did not want to talk to anybody right now, especially her. Another curvy woman appearing when he was in this state would likely snap his frail control.

He made the short walk to his cot and flopped down on it, trying to process what just happened. His heart started to slow but his groin still throbbed insistently, angry at being denied the woman who had so clearly wanted to have sex with him. Apparently telling his cock "no" had little affect, and so he sat there in uncomfortable silence until finally drifting off to sleep as his mind went blank.

* * *

He gasped, sitting up from his mattress, covered in sweat and breathing hard. Images of Tali's body and the taste of her skin still clung to his mind as he began to fully awake.

He'd had nightmares so often that Miranda had begun to ignore his elevated heart rate at night, something he was grateful for, as the dream he'd just had was decidedly _not_ a nightmare. He lay back down, breath ragged as he tried to relax, with little success.

He was both relieved and disappointed that he'd woken up. Relieved that his heart rate hadn't climbed to levels so high that Miranda would get suspicious, and disappointed because had it just gone on a little longer he'd have—

He heard Banner mutter something and froze, hoping that man hadn't been woken up by Shepard's loud arrival to consciousness. When he heard snores coming from the cot beside him he relaxed a little.

His mind wandered back to Tali, and he shuddered as the images from his dream lingered. He'd missed her since the moment he'd woken up, but Shepard had been feeling so shitty that he'd rarely thought about her in that way.

_It's that goddamn nurse's fault,_ he thought vehemently. His skin tingled and he thought back to what he'd been dreaming about. The heat of her skin, the taste of it, what she did with her mouth—

He growled, pounding a fist into the mattress with an unsatisfyingly dull thump and threw the covers off of him. He grabbed a t-shirt and shoved it on, then pulled on his coat and stood up, hand on his cane. He had to get outside; maybe the cold would cool his heated body.

Stepping outside, he saw flakes of snow drifting down, adding to the white that coated the ruins, softening the hard edges of broken concrete.

The snow crunched under his boots as he wandered to a more secluded area of the city, not wanting to run into any late night citizens. Finding a comfortable-looking block to rest on, he brushed the snow off with numbing fingers and sat down, leaning against the cool concrete at his back and hoisting his legs up.

He looked up at the clouded sky and sighed. His sexual agenda for the past couple of years had been depressingly empty, something his body seemed eager to remind him of. Since the whole mess with the Reapers had began, the only nights he hadn't spent alone were the handful of ones with Tali. Granted, they were amazing nights, but few and far between.

Even before the Reapers had arrived, he'd slept in an empty bed for many long nights. As he'd said to Kasumi, military life was quite the bitch.

He watched the clouds part to show twinkling stars, and wondered if Tali and the Normandy crew really were dead. What if they just couldn't get to an active comm beacon? The relays had been severely damaged, after all.

No. Couldn't think about that. If he did, he'd start to hope, and he didn't think he'd be able to bear hearing about their deaths in that frame of mind. Better to expect the worst.

Shepard began to drift off into unconsciousness, the snow calming to his heated skin as it fell softly on him. Before he knew it, he'd fallen asleep, wondering if the Normandy was somewhere up there.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, I'm in a goofy mood, so I present to you another silly-ish chapter. There are some serious parts in it, but still. The last part actually choked me up a little, so prepare for some major feels.

Also, Irish kids are so freaking adorable.

Seriously.

EDIT: Fixed Kaidan's name (it was Kaiden before, which was pointed out to me by a very helpful Edolix) and some spacing errors that I caught.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Hot Cocoa**

"Sir?"

A small Irish voice floated into his mind, making him groan and blink. His body was cold and stiff. Where was he?

He felt a tug on his coat. "Are you dead?"

He opened his eyes, the sight of snow-encrusted ruins greeting him. He remembered his walk the night before, and the blood rushed to his face as he also remembered what had motivated his trek into the snow.

Another tug on his jacket, and he looked down to see a little girl staring up at him.

She was probably around five or six. Her large eyes were emerald green, and she had carrot red hair that was pulled back in a poofy bun, curly strands sticking out in all directions. Her skin was pale, cheeks pink from cold and dotted with a multitude of freckles. Her face would've been quite beautiful if not for the jagged scar that ran from her temple all the way down her right cheek.

The girl's eyes lit up. "You're no' dead! I'm glad—I dinna like lookin' a' dead people." Her accent was quite thick; a rare thing for humans nowadays.

He scrubbed his good hand over his face, trying to work back some feeling into it. "I'm glad I'm not dead either." With a shudder he darkly wondered how true that statement really was.

"D'ye want a cup o' cocoa? Me mam has a wee bit left, and you look like a snowman. You must be cold," she added, giggling, cutting off any more of his dark thoughts.

He looked at his prone form to see himself encased in a couple centimetres of snow, and he chuckled. "I'm a little cold, yes." he hefted his legs off the stone slab he'd been laying on, groaning at the stiffness in his bad leg, sitting up. The snow puffed out around him as his movements disturbed it.

The little girl stuck out a mittened hand. "Me name's Maddy, Maddy MacLaine. Well, it's actually Madeline, but no one calls me that unless I'm in trouble."

He laughed, shaking the girl's hand. "Nice to meet you, Maddy. My name's John Shepard, but people call me Jonathan when they're angry with me."

Her eyes widened and she pointed a finger at him. "You're Shepard? Ye mean, _Commander Shepard?_ I knew you looked familiar!" she bounced on her toes and grabbed a hold of his hand, urging him to stand up, which he did so with a grunt.

"Come on! I want to show everyone tha' I met ye!" she pulled on his hand, digging her feet into the snow as she attempted to move over two hundred pounds of towering soldier. He snatched up his cane and walked along with her, grinning as he slowly worked the stiffness out of his body.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

She turned to look at him, not slowing down. "Hame. I'm showin' Ian tha' I've met ye. He'll call me a liar if I don't."

"Alright then. Lead the way." He wondered who Ian was as he was forcefully led to the little girl's home, a smile never quite leaving his face.

* * *

"Mam! Look a' who I met!" Maddy banged loudly into the small front hallway of her home, stomping on the carpet a few times to get rid of snow, then running into the living room, tracking wet marks on the floor.

"Madeline! Where've you been? Ye can't just go wanderin' off!" he heard another accented voice reply, the Irish brogue in her voice much lighter and easier to understand. He looked around awkwardly, wondering if he should just walk in or stand there.

"Just out for a walk. _Come see!_" the thought was answered for him when he saw Maddy tugging on a woman's hand, who stopped dead in her tracks when she realised who was standing in her front hallway.

"Good morning," he said politely, his head ducked slightly from the low ceiling.

"God, it's Commander Shepard. In my hallway! Come on in, sir, and have a seat. Ye must be freezin'." she hurried to take of his coat but he waved her away, pulling it off and folding it over his arm, which she took and laid on the coffee table. He scraped off his boots and bent down to take them off, but the woman ushered him into her living room, saying that it was only water, and it could be cleaned up.

He sat down on their small couch, sighing as he felt the cushion form comfortably to his body. Their house was quite small, and Maddy had led him through a series of narrow alleyways to get here. For the most part it seemed largely undamaged, except for the burnt exterior of the house and the occasional pock mark of a bullet hole.

"Madeline, go take off yer things and come sit down." The woman said, waving Maddy over to the front hall closet.

The woman looked at him. "My name is Elizabeth MacLaine, sir. Can I get you anything?" she asked, offering a hand which he shook warmly. Before he could answer, Maddy poked her head out from the tiny closet, coat hanging off of one arm. "I told him he could have cocoa! We still have some left, don't we?"

"I know how difficult it is to get those kinds of things. I won't drink it up on you." he said.

Mrs. MacLaine waved a hand. "Nonsense. Maddy, go get some hot chocolate for the man."

"Why can't ye get Ian to—"

"Go, young lady."

He smiled as he heard the little girl sigh and tromp into the kitchen, now rid of her winter apparel.

Elizabeth sat down on the other couch, looking at him. "And how'd my daughter find you, now?"

He laughed. "I was out for a walk last night and had fallen asleep outside. She found me and offered a hot drink." his face reddened in embarrassment as he realised how odd that sounded, but the woman didn't seem to notice.

"Aye well, it's good that she was respectful." She looked over at his cane, which was leaned up against one of the couch arms. "Ye look..." she trailed off, trying to find a polite word as she studied his still-bruised features. Even after a month of recovery, he still looked he'd just been hit by a truck.

"Like crap?" he said, laughing. "I know. I was pretty badly injured, but I'm doing all right. Leg's giving me hell though."

She smiled, looking a little sheepish. "Aye, that's the word."

He heard feet thunder down a flight of stairs and a boy of maybe fourteen walked into the living room. "Mam, d'ye know where—" his eyes alighted in Shepard and he stopped dead.

"Are you... are you who I think ye are?"

He smiled. "I think so. Name's Shepard." he offered his good hand.

Ian stepped hesitantly into the room and shook it. "Ian MacLaine. It... it's an honour, sir. Truly. What brings you here?"

He nodded, smiling. "Maddy found me and insisted that I come over."

"Cocoa's ready!" he saw the little girl walk into the living room, a big tray in her hands. She glared at Ian to move, who went to sit down next to his mother, looking slightly dazed.

Maddy set down the tray on the coffee table, moving Shepard's coat of the way. He grabbed it and saw something float out of the pocket.

Maddy bent down to pick it up before he could retrieve it, and he dreaded what question came next as she looked at the picture.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"Her... her name is Tali." he forced out, a lump forming in his throat.

She looked up at him. "She's pretty, but she doesna look human. What is she?" she studied the burnt picture with interest, squinting to see past the dirt and dried blood stuck on it.

"Quarian," he said quietly.

"Really? Shame they wear those suits. Is she your sweetheart?" she looked at him, grinning.

He forced a smile of his own, though could feel the tips of his mouth wobbling. "Yes, she... she is." his chest felt tight and he clenched his jaw, swallowing hard, trying to force the lump in his throat back down.

Elizabeth patted his hand, smiling at him. He looked up to see a sad understanding in her green eyes. "I'm sure the Commander can tell us about this later. Why don't we have some cocoa?"

* * *

"Did ye like the cocoa?" Maddy asked as he stepped out onto the pathway outside, thanking Mrs. MacLaine one last time.

"Aye," he said, grinning down at her and shoving the hand not holding the cane into his jacket pocket.

She frowned at his teasing, but began to walk beside him. Ian fell into step as well, though he remained quiet.

Maddy had insisted that she walk Shepard back to the hospital, which he personally found hilarious, and her mother had said that she could, but only if Ian could accompany them. The boy certainly didn't have to be told twice, putting on his coat and boots almost faster than his sister.

"Are you going to be crippled like tha' forever?"

"Maddy! Dinna ask questions like that!" Ian hissed at her. She glared back at him.

He laughed. "It's alright. And at the moment yes, but I'll be able to walk more normally in a couple of years. That's what the doctor says, anyway."

She nodded, absorbing this information.

"Why haven't ye asked about my scar yet?" she asked suddenly, her voice more serious.

He looked down at her as they walked through the snow, the tall, ruined buildings reaching up overhead and casting a dim light on everything.

"I didn't know if you'd be uncomfortable talking about it." he said, shrugging.

"Ye're the first grown-up who's said that to me." she replied, frowning. "Usually that's all they talk about when I'm around. I hate it."

He smiled at her. "Do you mind telling me how you got it, or do you not want to?"

She shrugged. "It's fine. I got it after Da died. The Reapers came into our house and shot him, and I ran into the basement wi' Ian. I hid under a table and the glass top of it broke when I did, and it cut my face up bad."

He looked down at her, but she was staring straight ahead, chin creased with the effort to not cry. The kid was a trooper.

They cleared the tall buildings and began to walk back towards the tented hospital.

"It was brave, what you did." he said gently.

She stopped in her tracks and glared at him. "No it wasn't! I hid like a coward!"

"You were smart enough to know you couldn't take them, and kept yourself and your brother safe. You did what you could with what you had. Both of you." he added, looking over at Ian, who shuffled his feet in the snow, embarrassed.

"You wouldn't ha' hid! Ye would've killed them!" she insisted, rubbing a sleeve over her runny nose.

"Maddy, I've been trained for years to be a soldier and I still get injured all the time. Do you know how dangerous they are? You made the right choice, hiding." he said, smiling at her gently.

"Ye're just sayin' that." Ian insisted, looking angry.

"I'm not. Everyone played a part in the defeat of the Reapers. Whether that was holding a gun or keeping your family safe, you've allowed someone to live on, and that's something you should be proud of."

Ian looked at his feet again, sheepish. "Sorry, sir. It's just... lots o' people tell us that we were brave, but I never really believed them."

"Well believe it, Ian, because it's true. Now, why don't you lead me back to the hospital so I don't get lost?" he said, grinning at them, who both smiled back.

* * *

"Garrus, leave me alone." Tali pleaded as he dragged her towards the elevator, away from her console on Deck 4. "I need to work."

"You've been working for a whole month. It's time to relax." he insisted, hitting the button for the Crew Deck.

She sighed and leaned against the cool metal. "I don't want to relax."

"I don't give a shit. You're doing it anyway."

A smile almost formed on her lips at his words. He sounded like Shepard when he had said that; stubborn and commanding, with a touch of friendly humour.

That thought made her remember just _why_ she didn't want to relax, and she hugged herself. The repairs were coming along, but still slow enough to make her go insane.

The doors opened to the sight of the memorial wall, and she averted her eyes. She did not want to see the name placed on there.

Garrus grabbed her arm and gently hauled her into the mess hall, where she was greeted by the sight of the crew all sitting at the tables. Even the regular crew, such as Chakwas, Joker, Adams, Daniels and Donnelly, and Tryanor were present.

"W-what are we doing?" she asked, dreading the answer. There were too many people here.

"We, are going to celebrate. And remember." The turian replied, forcing her into a chair next to Adams at the end of the table.

"Remembering?" _Please, no_.

He nodded, eyes solemn. "Yes. We're going to sit here and celebrate Shepard."

She hugged herself again and her head dipped as she shook it. "Please Garrus..."

"No. You've been holed up in engineering for spirits knows how long. You're going to do something fun."

"I..." she trailed off, not knowing how to argue. She didn't want to be here, didn't _want_ to remember. It hurt too much.

She saw alcohol being passed around, but she didn't accept any. If she started to drink, the feelings bottled up inside her would all come pouring out in a messy emotional storm.

Garrus sat down. "Alright. This past month has been very productive, and we've accomplished a lot. And even if it's taking a damn long time to recover, we wouldn't have gotten nearly this far without Shepard. So, I want to sit here and remember him for a night, just to remind all of us how truly great a friend he was to each of us."

The group nodded, looking at one another, wondering who should start.

"He played chess with me," Traynor blurted suddenly, then ducked her head in embarrassment as the room gave her their attention.

"Shepard knew how to play chess?" Kaidan asked, sounding amused.

Traynor shook her head, smiling. "No, he was terrible at it. But he heard me complaining about being homesick and asked if I wanted to have a game night. It was hilarious; every time he lost he always said 'that tactic would've worked in real life.'" she quoted, voice deepening with her impression of the Commander.

Tali heard the others laugh at the story, but she but her lip to keep the sobs in, shaking with the effort, head still canted down. She saw tears splash onto her visor and slowly roll down out of sight.

Adams was sitting next to her and saw her pathetic shivering, and he put a hand on her back. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention to her.

She nodded, not looking at him. She turned her audio output off discreetly and took a shuddering breath, trying to calm herself, listening to Garrus' story as she did so.

"You're bullshitting me, Scars." Vega insisted.

"I swear I'm not. I beat him two-to-one."

"How? The guy graduated the N7 program with highest honours in sniping. You gonna sit there and tell me some smart-ass turian beat him at a shooting match?"

She heard Garrus snort, and was able to raise her head to see his mandibles spread in amusement. "I've got the video footage if you don't believe me."

"Play it then! I gotta see this."

Garrus fiddled with his omni-tool and the vid screen that was situated on the partition between the two tables lit up.

_"Figured we'd do something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we ever get."_ Garrus flanged tones could be heard, and she dreaded what came next.

_"How about a dive in the pool?"_

The deep baritone of his voice made her double over on the table, pressing a hand to the audio port of her mask. She couldn't watch this.

She heard Garrus reply but couldn't hear his words, too caught up in her grief to notice. Shepard's voice could occasionally be heard, and she even heard him laugh, which was a rare thing. She held onto that sound, not wanting to forget it. He'd rarely laughed during the long process of destroying the Reapers, and she wanted to make sure she knew what his happiness sounded like. It might help her sleep better.

For the rest of the night, she heard the exchange of stories, her friends all recalling the things Shepard had done for them. It was a long night.

When it finally became her turn, she looked up from the view of the table, seeing everyone looking at her with sympathetic faces.

"What about you, Tali?" Garrus asked gently.

Keelah, what about her? What _hadn't_ Shepard done for her?

She thought for a long minute, then picked one that she knew she'd be able to bear talking about.

"After Horizon... I sort of got really drunk." she started, hearing snickers around the table, and she felt her own lips tug up a little. "Well, Shepard found me at the bar and sat down with me. I vented about stupid things, mostly my father, and he just sat there and listened. After I stopped ranting, he got drunk with me and we talked about all kinds of things; the Reapers, Rannoch, his own family. Then we, well..." she trailed off, cheeks heating in embarrassment.

"You guys did it?" Vega asked, a big grin on his face.

"A little," she admitted, her fingers pulling on one another.

Laughter travelled around the table again and she realised that she was smiling too. Not laughing, but she at least felt something other than grief fill her chest.

* * *

She stepped out of the elevator and onto Deck 1, feeling exhausted. They'd spent a good three hours sitting around the mess, talking. And for once, she found she had actually been enjoying herself.

As she entered the cabin, guilt suddenly clawed its way up her throat and manifested into a sob. How dare she be happy? Shepard was dead because she left him behind, and she would never be able to find a home on Rannoch. She shouldn't be happy. She didn't deserve it.

Tali fell onto the bed, which hadn't been made, and pulled the covers over her, curling into a small ball.

She looked over at the bedside table where the empty picture frame stood and wondered where her picture had gone. Had Shepard taken it with him? The thought of him dying with a piece of her next to him was balm to the ragged edges of her heart, and she loosened her tightly balled-up position. That didn't last long, however, as her mind wandered to thoughts of him bleeding out slowly, the only thing to comfort him being a tiny piece of paper, and she curled up tighter than before, shuddering.

She thought of his face, his eyes, the way he always looked at her. She thought of his laugh, willing herself to try and sleep, wanting nothing more than to fall into oblivion and at least be with him for a little while, but it was no use. It was far too quiet in the cabin, and too cold without his body heat next to her to help her fall asleep.

Cold. Always too cold to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Oh man, stuff is starting to come together. I know, I'm happy about it too.

Also, lots o' F-bombs in this chapter, so I hope you aren't to squeamish about that stuff.

Wait, never mind! This is rated M! GO PLAY SOCCER OR SOMETHING IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Echo in the Stars**

As the days went by, he began the slow, painful process of recovery. He ate disgusting, healthy food that Miranda practically force-fed him, did daily exercises, and slept when nightmares did not plague his dreams.

In the evening he'd play cards with Morrison or be occasionally visited by Maddy and Ian. He enjoyed those rare visits; the two of them—especially Maddy—did not guard their words, and simply blurted out whatever was on their minds. They didn't judge him on his political power or try to psychoanalyse him, or even constantly ask how he was feeling—they just talked, something that he found quite refreshing.

He lie in his cot, staring up at the tented ceiling. It was early morning, and he was still groggy, not yet fully awake.

He heard the call of Death ring out, and rolled out of his bed and lay prone on the cold ground, hands under him, muscles tense. His soldier instincts had come to life as soon as he heard the danger, and now sat waiting. The noise had been eerily familiar, and it had sent chills through his body.

Just as he was about to relax and rise to his feet, the noise blared again and terror clenched in his chest and his whole body flinched.

He knew what the sound was now. The blare of a Reaper horn.

He heard screaming outside and felt the ground vibrate subtly with another blare, and he grabbed the knife from his cot and ran outside, seeing many of the other injured soldiers do so.

They turned their faces up to the rain, searching for the chitinous form of a Reaper, yet the skies were empty.

"W-what do we do, sir?" he heard Banner ask and he turned to face the injured men and women assembled, face grim. He had to be Commander Shepard now, and that man wasn't supposed to feel fear. When he spoke, his voice was calm and commanding, though he felt just as horrified as the others looked.

"Tell any civilians you see to get in secure locations, but don't group together; stay as spread out as possible." seeing the soldiers spring into action, he brought up his omni-tool and activated his team-wide comm. "I want all of you at my location, understand? I need back up in case this Reaper has any ground forces."

Not waiting for a reply, he began to jog towards the source of the noise, adrenaline dulling the pain radiating throughout his body.

The ever present rain drenched the simple t-shirt he wore and kept falling into his eyes, but he barely noticed it.

God, how could they be back? _How?_

"Shepard!" he heard a tiny voice call out and saw Maddy run towards him, terror in her big eyes. She ran into him and practically crawled up his leg, burying her face in his pant leg.

"What's goin' on? Are the Reapers here again?" she asked frantically, voice muffled.

He bent down and and grabbed her arms, shaking her roughly. "Get back home, you understand me? Why the hell are you outside alone?"

She sniffles. "I was goin' tae see you. I-I thought I'd come visit ye." her accent became even thicker with fright, and he frowned as he tried to figure out what the hell she was saying.

"Well, go home, okay? Find your brother and mom, and stay hidden."

"What're ye goin' tae do?" She flinched as another blare went off, eyes widening even further.

"I'm going to find the Reaper and see if we can't kill it. Now go home!" he shoved her gently, and she nodded, running off. He hoped to God she got home safely.

He picked up the pace as he heard that God-awful blare go off again, heart and mind racing.

He vaulted over a piece of concrete and climbed a ladder to the top of a low roof, looking up at the sky again. Still he saw nothing. Where the hell was it? The fuckers were as tall as skyscrapers; it wasn't as if they could hide themselves.

"Commander!" he looked down to see Zaeed and Jacob standing at the foot of the building, strapped with guns and armour.

"Pass me up a pistol or something! All I've got is a knife!" Jacob threw him up one, pushing it forward with biotics to help reach Shepard's outstretched hand.

A Carnifex. The weight of the gun was familiar in his hands and he looked down at them again. "Have you seen anything?" he called.

Zaeed shook his head. "Not a damn thing. Where the hell is it?"

"Dunno! Get up here and follow me, the—" another blare and he flinched. Wherever it was, it was damn close. "Come on!"

They quickly climbed up and the trio advanced, leaping the small gaps between buildings and avoiding the damaged areas of collapsed roofs.

He climbed up over another building and came to a very curious sight.

Two men—boys really, both of them looking to be only eighteen or so—stood in the centre of the roof, laughing. At their feet was a sound system.

Another blare, this one deafeningly loud, and they laughed again. Suddenly he realised where the sound had come from.

"Freeze!" he ordered, pointing the gun at them.

"Shit! Run!" they bolted, jumping from the roof and landing on a lower one below, taking off.

He broke into a run, adrenaline pumping through his system as his vision narrowed to his goal, blocking out all else and simultaneously taking note of everything around him.

Primal instincts flared as he fell into the role of pursuer, sensing the terror coming off of the two boys who knew they were being chased, the most basic instinct hard wired into them; flight.

They were young, and had the benefit of un-crippled limbs, but he had cybernetics, and had been conditioned by the Alliance to ignore pain. That alone would cost them their freedom.

He bowled into one them, hearing him cry out as he realised that he had been caught. They rolled across the roof, coming to a stop just at the edge. The boy tried to escape, but Shepard had a vice grip on the kid, hindering any movement.

He saw Zaeed grab the other, his hand holding the boy roughly by the collar. Jacob appeared a minute later, the sound system in hand.

Shepard rolled to his feet, the kid squirming in his arms. "Let me go!"

"Shut up." he grabbed the kid by the hair and dragged him across the roof, shoving him towards the ladder. "Climb down. You run and I shoot you in the leg."

The kid stared at him for a moment, eyes wide with terror. The sight of Shepard angry was enough incentive to get him to cooperate, and he obediently climbed down. Jacob levelled his gun at him the entire time, reminding him of the cost of running.

They methodically repeated this routine until they were all on the ground. He turned to the two kids, who Zaeed had a hold of. "What are your names?"

They looked at one another, then shuffled their feet. "We don't gotta tell you nothing." one of them said.

Zaeed shook them. "You'd better listen to Shepard or they're'll be hell to pay."

They looked back at him, seemingly unsurprised at the mention of his name. They already knew who he was then.

"I'll ask again. What're your names?"

"Richards."

"Johansson."

He nodded, not saying anything else. He grabbed Richards from Zaeed, dragging him towards where he knew Hackett would be.

* * *

Zaeed watched Shepard walk ahead of them down a large hallway, a fistful of the kid's hair. Whenever Richards complained he simply told the lad to shut the fuck up, and Zaeed was surprised Shepard hadn't beaten the kids already.

The rest of the team had met up with them, and they all watched with grim amusement. The Commander had a long fuse; it took a great deal to truly piss the man off, but when it happened... well, it wasn't pretty.

Shepard stepped into the Admirals' office where they had usually held those damn meetings, throwing the kid to the floor. The rest of his crew entered and Zaeed did the same with Johansson. Jacob dropped the stereo unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Hey! Be careful with that!" Richards said, sounding angry.

Shepard pulled out his pistol and aimed it at his head. "You say another goddamn word and you lose the head." his voice was molten steel, and disobedience was unthinkable.

"Commander? What's going on? Have you found the Reaper?" Hackett asked, stepping towards Shepard.

The Commander jerked his gun at the stereo. "That's your Reaper, Admiral. These two thought it would be funny to blast this around the whole city."

Hackett's eyes flicked towards the two boys, expression harsh. Zaeed saw Hannah step beside the man, the same look on her face.

"W-we were just joking, is all." Johansson insisted, and he saw Shepard's eyes flare and the air begin to warp around him. Oh, he was angry, all right. His voice boomed around the expansive room, and the two boys flinched.

"A joke? You think this is a fucking _joke?_ How dare you sit there and call it a _joke?_ You set the whole city into a panic! We would've begun to call in the fleets for an areal assault! Do you know how much that _costs?_"

Shepard was normally a civilised person, and at first Zaeed had thought the man to be weak despite his commanding appearance. Then he'd seen him in action and had instantly liked him. And when he was angry, Shepard was probably the scariest fucking thing he'd ever seen, and Zaeed had seen a lot.

His blue eyes flared, almost glowed, in a face of grim steel. The air distorted around him and azure fog flowed off his commanding form, lifting little pieces of dust off the floor and giving the appearance of a coming storm.

"Millions, _billions_ of men and women have died in the War, given up their family and homes to protect the galaxy so people like _you_ could live on! And now the first thing you do is scare the living hell out of everyone? You've disgraced the sacrifice of every fallen soldier out there! _How dare you?_" he took a step towards the two boys, and they scrambled back, terror written on their faces.

"You're lucky I don't beat you to death for what you've done." he said, voice now dangerously quiet. He was breathing hard, anger apparent in every muscle, and Hackett spoke up. "I can't say much more than what has already been said. And since you found them, Commander, I'll let you dole out any punishment you see fit."

He looked over to the two boys again, eyes flicking between the two of them as he thought. Finally, after a long, tense moment, he spoke.

"You are going to publicly apologise for what you've done, _after_ you have hand written an apology letter to every person in London. Hackett will give you all the addresses and contact info."

"There's millions of people here! That'll take forever!"

"Then I suggest you get started." he said, grabbing them by the collars and hauling them to their feet, shoving them towards the door.

"One more thing. The letters you're sending out won't just be to human citizens; there are a lot of aliens here as well. So you are going to find each species' standardised language and write the letters in that format depending on the recipients' race. And if I here that this task has not been completed, then there will be hell to pay."

"Can... can I have my stereo?"

Shepard brought up his pistol and pointed it at their feet, pulling the trigger. None of the shots met their bodies, but it made them jump and run out the door, not another word coming from either of them.

When the door closed, Shepard leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. The man looked drained, his biotics retreating. Now he seemed like a simple man, instead of the larger-than-life hell jumper he'd been a moment ago.

Hackett looked over at him, as did his mother. "Are you all right, John?" she asked.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, a weary sigh escaping his lips. "No, I'm not. I thought... I thought they were back. Jesus, I thought they were back." he repeated, and Zaeed saw an emotion in Shepard's eyes that he had not seen before.

It was fear.

* * *

He saw his crew begin to leave the office and stood up from his place on the floor, groaning as all the aches and injuries of his body reared their ugly heads. He didn't even have his cane with him.

Hackett lent him a hand up, giving him a once over. "I'd like to speak with you before you go."

He nodded, waving his team along. "I'll be off in a minute." they nodded and left, somewhat reluctantly. Miranda stood in the doorway, a worried look on her face. After a moment of looking him over, she left without a word.

He turned to the Admiral. "Something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Hackett nodded. "The Charon Relay has been repaired. It's fully operational."

Shepard stood there, taking in the information with silence. His first thought was of Tali. God, he might finally be able to find her. _If she's still alive_, his mind added darkly.

It had been two months and no word had come about the Normandy. Granted, with the relays and comm buoys severely damaged, communication was limited at best. Still, he knew his crew would've made it a priority to get back to him. That meant that they were either dead or stranded. Either way, he wanted to see them, see _her_, again.

"Now," Hackett continued. "We have no way of knowing how many other relays have been fixed. However, standard operation is to get communications back online ASAP. I know you want to look for your crew, but that will likely turn into a wild goose chase; they could be anywhere. And I hate to say it, but our resources are so strained that I don't think I could lend you a scouting party. It's not that I don't want to, but the ships and man power simply isn't there."

His heart clenched at this, but he kept his features neutral. A more selfish part of him wanted to say damn the rest of the galaxy—he was going to find his crew. But the knowledge that if he took off with a ship and crewmen, those resources could no longer be used to supply shelter, medical help, or food to people in need. Citizens would die if he used up fuel and supplies.

"Then what do you suggest I do?" he said, sounding resigned. Once again, he had to put the needs of the galaxy before his own happiness. At this rate, he'd die an old man in a one-room apartment.

"A message, sent out to all receiving comms would be far more prudent." Hackett suggested. "I can at least give you that." he shook his head, clapping a hand to Shepard's arm. "I'm sorry I can't do more for you, but... duty calls." with a sad smile, he gave Shepard a small ear piece, placing it in his good hand. "Here. Send out a message, if you wish. It couldn't hurt," he said, turning to walk back to his desk.

"Thank you, Admiral." Shepard said quietly.

"Don't ever thank me Shepard; the galaxy owes you its existence and I'm handing you crumbs as a reward. Just do what you can."

* * *

"This is Staff Commander Jonathan Shepard, and I am broadcasting this message from London, Earth. It has been two months since the destruction of the Reapers, and the Charon Relay has finally been repaired.

"I must ask a favour to all that are listening; if you have any knowledge on the whereabouts of the Normandy or her crew... please, I would be grateful for any information, not matter how grim.

"And if the Normandy is receiving this herself... then come home. Please. It's too damn quiet down here."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So, I know this is a really short chapter, but it's just to introduce the next one, which is A Big and Awesome One. Yeah, you know which one it is. This one is mostly to represent the passage of time, as well as Shepard's deteriorating mental state.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Plagues of Dreams Lost**

Hannah was worried.

She watched her son become more and more introverted as the days stretched on with no word from his crew.

He'd always been reserved about his feelings, but he was practically a shell, going through the motions of daily life with little—if any—social interaction.

That incident with the two boys a couple of weeks ago had almost made her happy, as that angry outburst had been the biggest emotional response she'd seen from him.

She knew what grieving looked like—Jesus, she knew what it _felt_ like—and the sight of her son in his shell-shocked state made her heart break. He rarely talked to people, yet always seemed reluctant to be alone. She was familiar with this particular duality; he liked the company for the noise that hindered deep thought, but disliked the actual social interactions themselves.

Quite simply, he scared the living hell out of her. For a time after her husband's death, she had viewed the future as a desolate, empty place, and had at the pinnacle of her grief contemplated joining her husband; John had been the only thing that stopped her. She would not allow him to lose both parents in such a short time, and so she forced herself to cope. By the time her son had joined the Alliance, she had begun to view the future as something other than painful.

Yet he had no such obligations. No children or family besides her, and *that* was what scared her the most.

* * *

_"It's so peaceful." Tali whispered, staring out at the pink sun setting across the twinkling water, her arms wrapped around her legs, chin resting on her knees._

_"I'm glad you like it." he replied, smiling at her. She seemed so fragile, curled up on the cliff face as she stared at the sunset, and he had the sudden urge to wrap his arms around her and protect her from any that drew too close. _

_She returned the smile, eyes shining. her mask was off and he studied the features he had come to know so well._

_She reached out a hand to touch his face. "Thank you."_

_"For what?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "For what, he says. Keelah, John, for this!" she gestured at the landscape around her. "You set foot on this planet and in five hours returned it to the quarians and ended the geth war. You're unbelievable."_

_He chuckled, but it sounded bitter, even to his own ears. "It doesn't mean much though, does it? You're gone... you're lost."_

_She smiled at him, touching his knee. "Maybe. You don't know that yet." she leaned into him and he wrapped an arm around her slim figure._

_"I don't want to leave. Jesus, I never want to wake up."_

_She turned her face into his throat, kissing his neck. "I don't want you to leave either. But you've still got your duties and I have mine."_

_He shook his head, snorting. "Always the damn duties. I swear, I should just go AWOL and steal a ship. Then I'd be able to find you."_

_"You never lost me."_

He blinked, his mind jerking him into consciousness. His hand reached under his pillow automatically and he took the picture of Tali out, studying it in the dim light. It was then, as he listened to the snores and grunts of the men who lie sleeping around him, that he realised that he'd begun to accept that she likely wasn't coming back.

* * *

_"It's so peaceful." She said, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees, staring out at the pink sun._

_She saw John smile out of the corner of her eye. "I'm glad you like it." he replied, his usual dry humour present as he looked her over._

_She smiled back at him and reached out a hand to brush against the stubble on his cheek. "Thank you." she whispered._

_He looked confused. "For what?"_

_She laughed, dropping her hand. "For what, he says. Keelah, John, for this!" she gestured at the rocks and short brush around them. "You set foot on this planet and in five hours returned it to the quarians and ended the geth war. You're unbelievable."_

_He chuckled, but there was a bitter edge to it, one that made her look over at him again. "It doesn't mean much though, does it? I got you this planet back but I died before I could build you a home."_

_she leaned into him and felt the familiar weight of his arm wrap around her slim form._

_"I don't want you to go." She pleaded, grabbing onto his shirt and looking at him in the eye. "Please don't go." She could already see him fading away from her._

_"You'll see me again, don't worry. You always worry too much." he said, giving her a sad smile. _

_She squeezed her arms around him, trying to hold onto him, but he was already gone._

She started awake, blankets twisted around her legs. She blew out a shuddering breath, rolling over. Her tears made wet paths down her cheeks and landed softly on the pillow. She closed her eyes to try and desperately to fall back to sleep, to see him again, but he was gone, and she was alone.

* * *

Fingers snapped in front of his face. "Shepard? Are you listening to me?"

He looked up to see Miranda staring at him with both annoyance and concern.

Right, physiotherapy. His thoughts began to fade as he looked up at her, and for that he was grateful. He was rarely able to stand the thoughts that swam around his mind.

"I'm sorry, what?"

She sighed. "Make a fist. Yes, with your left hand. I want to see how well you can move it."

He did so, and hissed in pain at the result. He watched his four-fingered hand flex stiffly, the sight of his missing ring finger no longer even bothering him. There weren't a lot of things that bothered him nowadays.

"Shepard? May I speak with you?" he turned his head to see Hackett walking towards his cot, and he got up stiffly, cane in crippled hand.

Miranda got up as well, nodding at Hackett respectfully. "We were just doing some exercises." She motioned for Shepard to go with the Admiral. "We can continue later."

Without another word, Shepard followed Hackett out into the ever-present rain.

Walking a little ways away from the entrance, Hackett turned to face him.

"Shepard, what you've done for the galaxy is... well, I don't think anybody could ever truly repay you. You've given us a future and we at least want to honour you for it. The representatives from each species all want to stick a dozen medals on you, myself included. It seems that everyone has decided to hold a ceremony for your efforts."

"No." panic began to form in his chest. He didn't want to have this conversation. Not now, not ever.

Hackett looked at him, surprised. "No?"

Shepard shook his head, trying to keep his tone neutral. "I didn't defeat the Reapers on my own. Without my crew I'd have blown my brains out before this war even started."

Hackett looked a little startled at Shepard's bluntness, but forged on. "They will also be given medals, Shepard; we didn't forget about your crew."

"I wasn't saying you did. I just won't be attending the ceremony until they *all* arrive. I'll celebrate with them or not at all." He stuffed the choking feeling down, trying to stay calm.

Hackett studied Shepard for a long moment, as of he were weighing something.

Finally, with a hesitation in the man's voice that Shepard hadn't heard before, "What if we can't find them? If... if they don't return?"

That reality was one Shepard had thought of many times, and one that he subconsciously had begun to accept. His answer had entered his mind as soon as Hackett had voiced the question, but it took Shepard a long moment before he was able to speak.

"Then I'll be at the bar."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This is it. The Big Moment.

Man, it was so difficult not to jump ahead and write this, but I'm super happy that I was able to now. And this chapter switches POVs a lot, so it's a bit jumpy.

Also, just a little warning as I know that this is a touchy topic for many, but there is a bit of religious stuff in here. It's quite clinical, actually. Shepard's views on said subject aren't devout, by any means. I mainly talk about it in an academic perspective and use it to create tension in a certain scene. However, I'm not trying to offend anyone.

Anyway, happy reading, and tell me what you think!

Btw, the title of the chapter is a quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

EDIT: It has been brought to my attention that Shepard's finger can be replaced via cloning by a helpful Lovegood Loves Good, so the conversation between Miranda and Tali is slightly different.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Home That Our Feet May Leave, But Not Our Hearts**

Joker sat at the helm, scrubbing at his face and letting a sigh escape him, stubble rasping faintly under his hand.

It'd been three and a half months since they had landed on that damn rock, and only now had they managed to become space-worthy. Even then, most of the ship's repairs were jury-rigged—they probably needed to spend a good two weeks in a real dry-dock to get the Normandy fully operational.

He wondered what would happen to the crew now that Shepard was gone. The first time he'd died they'd all disbanded, and then again when he'd been locked up by the Alliance.

Was this how it was going to be again? They'd all say their goodbyes and promise to keep in touch, but they never did. Shepard's crew could lay claim to being incredibly close—closer than even family—but as soon as the Commander, their fearless and loyal leader, was out of the picture, all they became were a group of people with too many painful memories.

He dreaded that inevitable outcome. Joker had always been a bit of a loner, but the friendships he'd forged on this ship during the fight against the Reapers had been the strongest in his life, and the prospect of losing those friends bothered him more than he would ever know.

He'd already been through the most painful, he thought,

looking over at the empty chair next to him. If he could survive EDI's death, then he could survive the loss of his friends.

At least, that's what he kept telling himself. He wondered if Tali would at least keep in touch with him; he'd liked Tali from the moment she'd come aboard the SR1, with her jumpy mannerisms and enthusiastic attitude towards all things tech, they had found a common interest and a friendship had formed because of it.

And now even more still. She had come to visit him in the med bay when the repairs had first gone underway, and a silent understanding of the other's grief had helped him cope. He hoped it helped her, too.

"Joker! _Joker!_" He heard a breathless shout that jerked him from his thoughts and turned his chair to see Traynor barrelling down the bridge and almost running into him.

"Jesus, what? Is something on fire?"

She took a gulping breath, thrusting a data pad at him. "It's Shepard! He—" she took another gasping breath. "He's alive!"

His eyes widened in shock, and he looked up at her. "Shepard?" he repeated stupidly.

She grabbed the data slate back out of his hand and pressed a button on it. The voice that came from it made his whole body freeze.

_"This is Staff Commander Jonathan Shepard, and I am broadcasting this message from London, Earth..."_

A plethora of thoughts swirled in his head. Shepard was alive? *How?*

"Holy fuck." he whispered, listening to the recording.

When it was done, Traynor looked at him. "That was sent out a month and a half ago." she shook her head. "I wish we'd heard it sooner."

"Well, we heard it now." he said, turning in his chair and frantically pressing buttons while he kept repeating "holy fuck" under his breath. The guy was _alive_, for Christ's sake. Was he immortal or something?

He stabbed his finger at the button that activated the ship-wide communications and grabbed the data pad from Traynor, loading the message into his computer and replaying the message. Tali had to hear this.

* * *

Tali tapped away at her console, listening to Gabby and Ken bicker. The Normandy was finally space-worthy, but it was still a long way from being the once-shining vessel it had been. Its plating was dented and charred, the wings bent a little oddly, and the nose had been crunched. It definitely needed work.

The overhead comm beeped and she looked up. For a moment there was silence, making her look around at the engineers in confusion, who did the same.

Then a voice played. One that stopped her heart and stung her eyes.

_"This is Staff Commander Jonathan Shepard, broadcasting..."_

She froze, breath catching in her throat as she heard deep voice play over her head. As the recording played on, its message becoming clear to her, she began to take ragged breaths and started to shake. She clapped a hand to the audio port of her mask and slid down the wall, eyes wide.

She was hyperventilating now, her body wracked with shudders as she rocked on the floor. The recording came to an end and she heard her sobs echo in the engineering room, her form shaking so badly that her vision blurred.

It was impossible. He was _alive_.

She dimly noted Adams walking over to her and gently lifting her to her feet, talking in low tones as he walked her to the elevator. She didn't know where she was being taken, but she didn't care. Her mind raced, trying to deny the recording's existence, telling herself that she was dreaming.

She shook and shook, the only thing holding her up was Adam's steadying hand on her arm as he walked her towards the med-bay. She saw some of the crewmen staring at her as she walked into the small hospital room.

Chakwas looked almost as shell-shocked at hearing the recording, but quickly became her calm, professional self as she took Tali and set her down on one of the beds, trying to sooth her.

They probably thought she was having a panic attack or something, but at that moment she didn't care about any of that.

No, no. It couldn't be. This was a dream. She would soon wake up and she'd be in bed, alone. If she kept telling herself that, then it would be less painful when she _did_ wake up and realise that it wasn't real.

But she wasn't waking up.

* * *

Garrus stood in the main battery, his mouth hanging open and mandibles spread in shock.

His first thought after hearing the message had been _He's alive_, followed closely by _Spirits, Tali_. She must have heard it. He had to find her. Snapping out of his paralysed state, he practically sprinted out of the main battery, heading for the elevator.

His eyes caught movement and looked through the med-bay window, seeing Chakwas murmuring to a shaking Tali, rubbing her arms soothingly.

He darted into the med-bay. He saw her shuddering on one of the beds, small sobs choking out of her rapidly-moving chest. Chakwas was hovering over her, trying to calm her down, but Tali kept staring straight ahead, her eyes watching something that wasn't there.

He walked up to her, putting his hand gingerly on her arm.

"Tali, you alright?" it was a stupid question, but his mind was still reeling from the realisation that Shepard was alive.

"He's alive." she whispered, glowing eyes flicking over to him. Though the mask obscured her face, he knew she was crying. "He's alive."

"Joker—"

"Already ahead of you Garrus. ETA twenty-six hours."

He felt a smile spread on his face and patted Tali's shoulder. "We're getting to Earth as fast as we can, okay?"

She looked at him, her shaking beginning to calm down. "Okay." she whispered. Suddenly, she threw her arms around his armoured form. "He's alive." she whispered again fiercely.

"I know."

* * *

The wind buffeted harshly against his skin as he stared down at the murky depths below from his perch atop a building.

His toes curled around the lip of the roof, feeling the jagged edges of the concrete dig into his soles.

He'd found this small, secluded lake, far away from any people. He had gone for a walk, a very long one, and had come across this place. Before he knew it, he'd stripped down to his skivvies and climbed on top of the low building that faced the lake.

Shepard knew that he was testing himself. On what, he didn't know, only that his perilous stance atop the ragged building was the representation of a choice, and a difficult one at that. One that was about to be made.

With a powerful vault, he pushed himself off of the roof and dove into the frigid water, bubbles foaming around him.

The chill of the water immobilised him for a brief moment, its freezing temperatures stabbing frosty daggers into his skin. Yet when he was in command of his muscles again, he felt no desire to move them.

A sense of peace fill him as he watched a tiny bubble escape his nose and rush to the surface, which shone dimly from the clouded sun.

It was peaceful here, under the lake. No people, no noise. Just quiet. His thoughts didn't even plague him here, and dimly he wondered what it would feel like to stay here until all the bubbles escaped. The thought was gruesomely intriguing.

After all, life had started in the water. It seemed only practical that it would end here, too.

He felt his lungs begin to strain as he thought. He had no more duties or obligations. The galaxy was a united force, more or less, and the biggest conflict it currently faced was rebuilding and helping civilians. They no longer needed a fearless hero.

A hero who had killed so many. Whose hands were so stained with lives taken that his bones were bloody. Did he really deserve to live?

But did he deserve to die, either? That was the question that had plagued him. He knew that he would suffer; a soldier of his caliber did not raise in the ranks without committing some sort immoral act. He had lied, cheated, killed, and had even stolen during his career of waging war, all in the spirit of justice, whatever that word even meant anymore. The word justice became more and more vague when the blood of millions came into question.

If he died, he'd have to suffer through whatever punishment was given to him, and do so gladly. Be it a thousand years of Hell, as long as he'd be able to see her again, no amount of time was too long a wait.

His lungs burned for oxygen, his thoughts conjuring her. Her face became visible in his mind's eye; her dark hair floated softly around her face, skin pale and eyes bright. With strong fingers she beckoned him to join her, to end his Mortal Walk and never again feel the ache of loneliness. He reached out a hand towards her, the skin of his knuckles almost white as he grasped at Temptation, an apple so sweet he'd gladly bear the burden of Evil. Then the image of her vanished, washing away with the current of the water, leaving him alone.

The breath exploded out of him and he could feel the trickle of water down his throat. His vision began to blur as he kicked his legs, pushing himself towards the surface. His head broke the calm of the water and he gasped, coughing.

He hauled himself onto the shore and lay there, taking in shuddering breaths, his body shaking with cold and adrenaline.

As he lay there coughing, bits of gravel digging into his forehead, he wondered if he'd passed the test or not.

* * *

"What were you doing all the way out there, Commander?" The psychiatrist's dry voice asked, her face drawn in sharp, hawk-like features, making her appear arrogant and harsh.

"I went for a walk." he replied calmly. Miranda had found him lying at the shore of the lake, and had had Grunt haul him to the Admiral's office when he'd put his clothes on. Apparently going for a swim in the middle of March constituted as psychotic behaviour. He didn't want to be here, or anywhere near people, for that matter. The weight of the decision he'd just made demanded solitude. He needed to collect his thoughts.

He suppressed another shiver and clenched his teeth to stop them from chattering, looking up at the stern woman with what he hoped was a neutral expression.

"You took a walk into the water?"

"I swam, actually. I think Jesus is the only one who can do that, ma'am." he said, hearing someone cough behind him to hide a snicker. A couple of the Admirals were present, Hackett and his mother included. She kept looking at him with an anxious, almost panicked expression, one that bothered the hell out of him.

"Don't get smart with me, young man." the psychiatrist said, sounding irritated.

He wondered if he should call her out for speaking to a Commanding Officer in such a tone, but realised that it was a waste of time and simply sat there, quiet as he waited for her to continue.

"It seems we need to put sanctions on you, Commander. You are clearly unstable and appropriate actions need to be taken."

"I was just—"

She continued as if he hadn't spoken. "You are a danger to yourself and potentially others—"

"I'm not—"

"Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to go anywhere without an approved supervisor at designated—"

"I'm not crazy!" he boomed, fists slamming down on the table hard enough to make the wood crack. He stood up, taking dark pleasure from seeing the woman's eyes widen in fear.

"I just wanted fifteen minutes to myself. That's it. Fifteen fucking minutes where no one constantly asks how I'm feeling or dissects every goddamn thing I say. Fifteen minutes of peace and quiet, and you people can't even give me that."

He turned on his heel, brushing past Miranda and heading towards the door.

"John—" his mother called, stepping towards him. He turned to glare at her. "Leave me alone."

Wth that, he opened the door and walked briskly down the hallway, anger making his whole body shake.

He should have stayed in the lake.

* * *

Tali paced the length of the Crew Deck, thinking that she would likely go insane from the waiting.

Just four more hours. Four more hours, and she'd be able to see him again.

Her chest ached with the waiting, her mind conjuring up the sound of his voice and the heat of his skin, which only drove her closer to the edge of sanity.

"You're going to wear the floor down if you keep doing that." Garrus commented casually. The ground team had all congregated on Deck 3, the anticipation palpable in the air.

She glared at him but said nothing. Didn't he understand? Shepard was _alive_.

"Joker, how close are we?" she asked the ceiling.

"Still four hours. Same time I told you two minutes ago."

Two minutes? It had only been _two minutes?_ She sighed. "Okay."

Tali heard Garrus snort and glared at him again. He returned the look. "Tali, it _is_ pretty funny."

"No it isn't." she retorted, though there was a hint of humour in her voice.

She plopped down on a chair and folded her arms on the table, resting her head on them. She wondered if she could just sleep until they got to Earth, but trashed the idea. She was too tightly strung to even think about relaxing.

"We could play cards or something." Garrus suggested. "Might make the time go faster."

She nodded, rising from her chair. "I'll go get them."

Just four more hours.

* * *

"Can I have a seat?"

He looked up from his view of the ruins to see his mother standing there, looking almost shy.

He patted the ground next to him. "Be my guest."

She did so, resting her arms on her knees, which were drawn up close to her chest, mimicking his posture.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." he said quietly.

"I know." she replied, and he heard the smile in her voice. "And I'm sorry we've been treating you like a child."

"I know." he echoed, smiling back.

They sat there for a time, staring at the ruins of London in companionable silence.

"Did you try to kill yourself?" she asked suddenly, ending the quiet.

He didn't say anything for a long time, trying to figure out what the answer to her question was.

"No." he said finally. "I don't know. I..." he sighed. "I don't know." he repeated.

She looked over to him, a melancholy understanding in her blue gaze. "I know what that feels like, John. I really do. For a time after Will died..." he flinched at his father's name, but didn't interrupt. "Well, you were the only thing keeping me going. And I know that knowing that another person knows what you're going through doesn't help much, but I'm telling you anyway."

His brows drew together at all the "know"s in that sentence, but chuckled.

She reached out a hand, placing it on his shoulder. "It gets better with—" she shook her head, blowing out an angry breath. "No, no it doesn't get better. It just gets easier to forget."

"I don't think I will forget."

"I haven't either, John. Even after all these years." she sighed, laughing a little. "I'm a horrible mother. I can't even give my son a good pep-talk."

He chuckled again. "Bad mom? That's not news to me."

She pushed on his arm. "Watch it, mister."

"Shepard! Shepard! Holy crap! Shepard!"

He turned with his mother to see Kasumi running headlong towards him and she stopped just short of crashing into him. She grabbed his arm roughly and hauled him to his feet, dragging him back the way she had run.

"What the hell, Kasumi? What's going on?"

"It's the Normandy! Ground control just gave them authorisation to land! They're here!"

* * *

He stood a little ways away from the entrance of the dry dock, heart in his throat.

His old crew stood with him, as well as his mother and Admiral Raan.

Oh God, they were alive. _She_ was alive. It was an effort to keep his breathing controlled, but his heart still raced.

The doors opened and he held his breath.

* * *

Tali held her breath, waiting for the airlock to open. The ground team and most of the other crew were all crammed inside the airlock, all wanting to see the Commander.

She was bouncing on her toes. Just outside that door was John, real and breathing.

The decon cycle completed and the doors opened. She stepped out, Garrus at her side and the others behind her, and looked across the dock to see him standing there.

Her breath caught in her throat as she drank in the sight of him. He was still the tall, commanding man she'd known, his powerful aura not at all hindered by the cane he held in his hand. His face was dark with healing bruises and cuts, his jaw lined with thick stubble and his azure gaze levelled calmly at her, heart in his eyes.

He took a couple of steps forward, a grin on his face, white teeth flashing against dark stubble.

The rest of the crew filed out of the airlock and stood next to her and Garrus.

Shepard's eyes flicked to each and every one of them, making sure to meet each one's gaze. For a moment they simply stood there, looking at the man that had brought them all so close together and with them had accomplished the impossible.

He stood at attention, snapping a salute to them, his eyes holding that confident look that, when levelled at someone, made them feel like they could do anything, so long as they stood by his side.

As one they did the same, holding it for a long moment. He dropped his hand and began to walk forward, limping slightly as he leaned on the cane.

She had taken a few steps as well, the crew standing a few feet behind her.

He stopped again, smiling at her. "Welcome home." he said, holding a hand out in offer.

She broke into a run, barrelling into him. He caught her, laughing, hands strong under her legs as she wrapped them around his waist. She ripped her mask off and moulded her mouth to his, her breath escaping in sobs. Her chest felt tight and she felt as if she couldn't breathe, but oxygen was trivial. She was kissing him, and for the first time since the crash, she felt like a whole person again.

He returned the kiss with fervour, making a small noise in the back of his throat that drove her wild.

She pulled back, wanting to look at his face. "Shepard... you're—" her voice broke, and she brought up a hand to touch his cheek. Warm. So warm.

He smiled, eyes suspiciously bright. "I know. And so are you."

She kissed him again, hearing him laugh. He slid her gently down to the ground, breaking the kiss. He bent down to grab her mask, then handed it to her with a flourish. He pressed his lips close to her ear and she shivered at his closeness, inhaling the scent of him. He smelled different, somehow. Something she could quite place. "Although I'd enjoy continuing, you have to put your mask back on. There are too many eyes around."

She took the mask wordlessly, but didn't put it on just yet. "Shepard—"

He pressed his mouth to hers again and she forgot what she was saying. He pulled back, far too soon, and smiled at her. "I know."

She nodded, smiling back at him. With a great deal of irritation she put her mask back on, finally, reluctantly, pulling away from him, though she never broke contact, her hand resting on his forearm.

"You two done?" Tali looked up to see Garrus standing there, grin on his plated features. The crew stood beside him, faces all covered in smiles.

Shepard grinned back, stepping up and pulling Garrus into a back slapping hug, which the turian returned.

"I always wondered why men do that. It's like they think hugging is too girly so they have to beat the shit out of each other while they do it."

Tali turned from the sight of Shepard greeting the rest of the crew with warm words and hugs to see a woman with auburn hair pulled back in a neat bun standing next to her. The woman looked strikingly familiar and when Tali met her eyes, she realised that it was Shepard's mother.

The woman smiled, confirming her suspicions. "I'm John's mother. You must be Tali, right?"

Tali nodded, suddenly nervous. His mother had just seen the two of them making out. Probably not a great impression. "Yes, I am. I—"

"Tali." she heard her aunt's voice, and her eyes widened. "Auntie Raan!"

She dove into the woman's arms, hugging her fiercely. "Child. I thought I'd never see you again." Raan's voice sounded a little choked and she pulled away from her, smiling.

"Tali!" Kasumi bowled into her and the tiny thief actually managed to lift her off the ground, talking excitedly in Japanese.

"Hhh." she grunted, trying to breathe.

Kasumi put her down on her feet and smiled up at her from under her hood. "Glad to see you. Though probably not as much as Shep." she added, eyes flicking past Tali in amusement.

She felt a hand on her arm and looked up to see him smiling down at her. "I suppose we should continue our little commune on the ship. No cameras in there." he looked around, eyes searching for any paparazzi.

There weren't any yet; Hackett had made sure of that. However, they were bound to leak through at some point and he had no desire to see his or his crew's faces plastered all over the news.

He pressed a hand to the small of her back, guiding her towards the airlock, and she shivered at the touch. Her mind was reeling but she had to keep her thoughts in check; she wouldn't be able to truly talk to him until they were alone.

Until then, she had to settle for the warm press of his body close to hers and the deep sound of his voice. She supposed that she'd survive.

* * *

Hannah watched her son, smiling.

In the span of an hour, he was a completely different man.

The differences were subtle, but she knew what to look for. His eyes were brighter, as they always were when they held some sort of emotion. The only time she'd seen that spark was when he was angry, but right now, anger was far away.

This was also the first time she'd ever seen him really relax. Even when he'd slept, he'd never looked truly at ease; his brows had always drawn together and a slight frown had been present on his lips.

Now though, she saw his muscles loosen as he sat down in one of the mess hall chairs, eyes holding calm ease. The Normandy was his domain, and he was its leader. Judging by the relaxed confidence in his eyes, he was damn sure of it, too.

His crew were also fascinating to watch. Even in a relaxed environment, they all subtly shifted with one another, making sure no one had their side exposed to a potential threat or their back to the air. When one got up, the others would compensate for that loss of protection and shift to cover the gap.

She had seen this in soldiers before, but not to this degree. They moved both as one and individually, the synchronisation of their practiced movements seeming almost second nature.

And somehow it was all centred around John. He sat at the end of the table, Tali's chairs set close to his, and the shifts always started with him. His crew took cues from his faint movements and acted accordingly. The trust they seemed to hold both for one another and for John was almost breathtaking. Scary, too; she wouldn't want to piss one of them off, or there'd be a dozen more behind them.

Tali was probably the most fascinating of all. She rarely took her eyes off of John, and they never broke physical contact; a brush of knuckles against a hand, a touch of the shoulder when they turned to speak to one another.

She could tell just by looking at them how deep their bond went. Evidenced by the display out in the docks, which made her snicker into her cup. Tali had looked incredibly embarrassed when Hannah had come up to talk to her. The woman probably thought that Hannah didn't approve or thought that she was some harlot.

Hannah personally thought Tali was adorable. She was humble, but showed tiny bouts of confidence, mostly demonstrated when she began to argue with Garrus. Her accent made the attention in the room drawn to her, something Hannah suspected she hated. The woman knew so much about the Normandy that if the need arose, the engineer could probably run the ship by herself. Add to the fact that Tali was easy on the eyes, with curves that rivalled Miranda's, certainly didn't hurt either.

All in all, John was lucky to have her.

* * *

Tali thought she was going to explode.

She watched John converse with the rest of the crew, voice always holding that touch of humour that made everything sound like he knew something funny that you didn't.

It had been about an hour since they'd arrived on Earth, and Tali was slowly going insane.

She wasn't able to take her eyes off of him, and was barely holding back from jumping into his lap with the need to touch him, to assure herself that he was indeed real.

And the desire burning low in her belly was uncomfortably noticeable. She'd wanted to make love to him the moment she'd seen him, and by the occasionally heated look in his gaze when he looked at her he did too, but there were too many _people_ here. Everyone wanted to talk to him, everyone wanted to ask questions and joke and laugh with him. It was a struggle to keep from telling them to all go to hell so that she could have just a moment alone with her boyfriend.

He got up, groaning a little as she heard his knee pop.

"Where are you going?" she asked, grabbing his hand.

He grinned at her. "The bathroom." he craned his head to look down the hallway. "Looks pretty dangerous out there, but I think I'll manage."

She blushed, letting go of his hand and pulling on her fingers.

He laughed softly, squeezing her shoulder as he walked by. "I'll be right back."

Garrus snickered and she kicked him under the table, shooting a glare at him.

"Having separation anxiety, Tali?" he asked, grinning at her.

"Shut up."

They bickered until Shepard came back a minute later, who limped over to the fridge in search of food.

"Nice cane, Loco."

"Eat shit, Vega." he replied, unscrewing a drink of something and upending it.

James laughed. "Hey man, I'm just saying that now you're not the only cripple on the ship. You should have a handicap party with Joker."

Joker snorted, but before he could say anything Miranda interrupted. "How are you feeling, Commander? Any pain?"

"No worse than usual." he said calmly, sitting down stiffly in his chair.

"Keelah! What happened to your hand?" she said, seeing the four-fingered appendage setting his cane down. She grabbed his hand, studying it. Tali had been so focused on his face that she had barely noticed anything else. "Your finger..."

He frowned, looking at it distastefully. "I lost the damn thing. Miranda says I'll have some functionality in a couple years, but it probably won't be as strong as my other hand."

"Can't you replace it? With cloning, I mean?" she asked, looking at the gap between his pinky and middle finger. Her chest ached with the thought of how much pain he must've been in.

"Yes, but the medical equipment—and credits—needed to do that are very difficult to obtain in the current state that the galaxy is in. Until then, he'll have to survive with his injuries as they are." Miranda said, looking over at his hand.

"I've got a couple extra fingers. I'm sure I'll manage." he said, lips twitching. His omni-tool beeped and he frowned down at it.

Muttering curses under his breath, he casually took off the device's band from his wrist and dropped it into his drink, watching it fizzle and beep.

"Jonathan—" his mother began to chide.

"What? It's just the Admirals. I don't want to talk to them right now."

"You never want to talk to them." Hannah pointed out.

"Something they don't seem to get."

Hannah sighed but said nothing.

"What do they want?" Tali asked, frowning at the dying omni-tool processing band submerged in his drink.

"I have no clue. But whatever it is, I don't want to talk to them."

She snickered. It seemed he hadn't lost his dislike for politicians. She saw the rest of the crew smiling as well. His aversion to politics were well known, and shared, among them.

"This is probably the most unique warship I've ever been on." Hannah commented, looking amused.

Shepard grinned. "Unique? I hadn't noticed."

* * *

She stepped into the elevator with him, leaning against the metal of the wall and sighing as she relaxed.

After hours of talking and reminiscing, Shepard had announced that he was tired and was going to bed. After a lot of snickers from the group as they imagined what activity the two of them would be engaging in, they had stepped into the lift and waited for Deck 1.

The door opening, they walked out, stepping into the cabin.

He looked around, walking past the office and down to the "living" area of the room. "Seems you've taken good care of the place."

Tali's chest suddenly filled with choked down sobs as she watched him. He was here. Alive. With her.

When she didn't say anything he turned to see her hugging herself and staring at the floor, body shivering.

He walked up the short steps and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"I—" her voice broke and she let out a sob, hugging herself harder.

He wrapped his arms around her and she pressed into him, squeezing her arms around his powerful form and sobbing into his chest.

She shook, the pain and loneliness of the past months all came pouring out of her. She heard him murmuring softly to her, gently rocking as he tried to calm her, which only made her shake harder.

He was alive. The strength of his arms and the hard press of his chest were more comforting than she'd thought possible, his voice only adding to it.

They stood there for a long time, her grief coming out it shuddering waves as he soothed her, but she could hear the catch in his throat, too.

When her sobs finally began to subside into tiny hiccups, she pulled a little away from him, looking up at his face.

He'd been crying too. His eyes were bright and small wet tracks were present on his cheeks. He smiled down at her.

"Are you alright?" he asked again gently.

She nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Don't apologise, Tali. You haven't done anything wrong."

She nodded again, stepping away from him. She glanced over at the bed and she suddenly became nervous. She'd taken off her mask just hours before, but that had been just a gut reaction without forethought.

Now though, she was going to take her suit off. She'd done it before, and she didn't trust anyone more than John, but the act of baring herself to another was still one she was getting used to, even if all she felt like doing was ripping her suit off and shoving him into bed.

He touched her shoulder, sensing her nervousness. "You okay? If you're uncomfortable... we don't have to do anything."

She looked up at him. "Keelah... you're such a sweet man. And there's nothing I'd like more than to go to bed with you, but..."

"Taking your suit off his difficult for you." he finished.

She activated her omni-tool and triggered the release of antibiotics into her system, feeling the cybernetics at her throat prickle.

Tali reached up, taking her mask off and placing it on his office desk. "I'm nervous, but I'll get over it. I won't ever stop a little fear from letting me be with you."

He smiled, his eyes warm. "So brave, you are." he touched her face, leaning in to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Her nervousness had almost completely evaporated as soon as he'd pressed his lips to hers.

He guided her to the bed, his hands working on the clasps of her suit as they moulded their mouths together.

Her back became exposed to the cool air and she moaned as she felt his hands press into her bared skin, trying to get even closer to him.

He had too many clothes on. She tugged onto his shirt insistently, making him laugh and break the kiss, letting her pull off the simple t-shirt.

She looked over his skin, seeing the old and new scars mingle across muscle, and she pulled her gloves off, pressing her hands to his chest and running her fingers over his skin.

He groaned when her fingers trailed down his stomach, tracing the ragged scar that had been earned from a piece of shrapnel. He pressed his mouth to hers, pulling her down onto the bed.

She wasn't nervous anymore.

* * *

So, now that the Terrible Separation is over, there's fluffy, sweet chapters abound. Get ready for rotten teeth.

I know that there wasn't a lot of character interaction besides Shepard and Tali, but I wanted to focus on them. So there'll be more of that in coming chapters.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Jesus, this was fun to write. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Late Breakfast**

"Tali, go to sleep." he whispered, watching her trace lazy patterns on his chest. It was dark, the stars twinkling through the small skylight of the cabin. They'd been awake for hours, alternating between making love and talking. "It's late." he could see her fighting sleep; her eyes kept drooping and her fingers would periodically still on his chest as she began to sink into unconsciousness, only to jerk awake and resume her movements.

"I don't want to. I'm so happy, John. If I fall asleep, I'm afraid I'll wake up alone, and I don't think I could bear that." her eyes moistened in the dim light and he pulled her close, resting his chin on her head.

"I won't ever leave you, Tali. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. "I was so lonely—" her breath came in a sob and he squeezed her.

"I'd h-have nightmares all the time. I'd see you running for the beam, but you'd always—" she took another shuddering breath, choking on the words she couldn't say. "but when I woke up and reached across the bed, you were never there—" she sobbed into his chest and he rocked her gently, holding her as close as he could.

After she calmed down, Tali sniffed, wiping her eyes. "Keelah, I'm sorry. I keep bursting into tears every time we start talking."

"It's alright. I'm all hot for damsels in distress anyway."

She smacked his chest, laughing through the drying tears, sniffing. "You're unbelievable. And I am _not_ a damsel in distress."

He grinned, wanting to take her mind off her dark thoughts. "Remind me, how did we meet again? I think it was me bursting into a dark alleyway and saving you from—"

She pounced on top of him, grabbing his face and kissing him hard. The sweet taste of her mouth made him lose his train of thought, which was, of course, her intention.

She pulled back, giggling at his dazed expression. "You get distracted easily, don't you?"

"Men are designed to do one task at a time. That's why do everything better than women. We can put all our focus on one thing." he grabbed her wrist, laughing as he stopped her from smacking him again.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"That's because you're a wom—" she tackled him, making him laugh so hard he couldn't finish his sentence. They rolled across the bed and fell to the floor in a tangle of blankets, making them laugh even harder.

They stayed there, shaking in each other's arms for a moment, their laughter echoing in the dark space of the cabin.

When he got control of his lungs back, he raised himself off of her, scooping her up in his arms and placing her back on the bed, then grabbed the blanket and throwing it over her.

She poked her head out from under the comforter, hair fuzzy and sticking in different directions.

Tali reached out a hand. "Come back in. It's cold without you in here."

He complied, lifting the covers up and dragging her into his arms again, still laughing a little.

She pressed her face into his neck, her lips making a wet trail down his throat. Her fingers traced down his body and he groaned, grabbing her shoulders and rolling so that he lay atop her.

"Help me get warm."

* * *

Tali felt warm.

She drifted in and out of consciousness, images vague and fuzzy as they swirled in her head.

As she began to wake up, she pulled up a mental checklist, wondering what other repairs still needed to be made. The Normandy was space-worthy, but they still had to—

There was a shift behind her, and she felt a warm, hard body press closer to her, an arm tighten around her. She jerked fully awake as memories came flooding back to her.

Shepard.

She heard him murmur something incoherent, and turned in his arms so that she could face him.

Her chest swelled with joy as she looked at him, his features relaxed in sleep. Bringing her hand up, she began to trace the lines of his face, a stupid smile on pasted on lips. Over his cheekbones, down the bridge of his nose, across his jaw. She knew the structure of his bones so well that she could trace them in her sleep, but she felt compelled to touch him, to make sure that he was real.

She saw his brows draw together and he blinked, murmuring something again. His eyes opened and his gaze fell on her, blue eyes relaxed.

His face broke into a smile. "Good morning."

"Good morning." she replied, leaning in to kiss him.

"I think I could get used to this." he said after a long moment, sounding a little breathless as she pulled back.

She scooted closer to him, her face pressing into the warm hollow of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, sighing contentedly.

"You smell funny." she said, nose to his skin. His usual scent of male and polymer was underlaid with something else; it was earthy, sort of. She couldn't quite place what it was.

He pulled up an arm, sniffing. His brows drew together for a moment before Tali saw realisation dawn on his face.

"Shit." he pulled away from her and she made a noise of distress. Where did he think he was he going?

He scooted to the other end of the bed, making sure not to touch her.

"Shepard?" she reached out a hand to him and he leaned away from it.

"Don't touch me," he saw the hurt look in her eyes and his gaze warmed. "I forgot that I didn't disinfect myself before we..." he gestured vaguely, grinning. "Spent the night. And I sort of jumped in a lake, so I probably have germs all over me."

"You what?"

He looked sheepish, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. I went for a swim."

"But... why?"

"I don't know." he said honestly, falling back down on the pillows. She stared suspiciously at him, but was wise enough to know that he clearly didn't want to talk about it and dropped the subject.

Instead, she shifted, pressing close to him and wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Tali—"

"Shepard, I already slept with you. I've come into contact with the germs already, so it's a moot point anyway."

"Sorry." he said, but pulled her close and rested his chin on her head.

She sighed, melting into him. "Keelah, don't apologise. Even if you told me beforehand I don't think I'd make you wash. I was too impatient."

She felt the vibrations in his chest against her ear as he laughed. "How're you feeling, by the way?"

She turned her face, kissing his chest. "Warm. Safe. Happy."

He chuckled again. "I'm glad to hear it, but that's not exactly what I meant."

She looked up at him. "I can feel it coming. I'll probably have a runny nose and a fever by tonight." she sighed. "I hate this."

He touched her face. "It'll get better. It already has, anyway. The first time you slept with me you had a fever and all that in hours. Now your system is adapting."

She smiled. "I know. I just hate that I have to walk around in a suit. It would be nice to be able to kiss you whenever I want."

"You can. You just have to come up here to do it. And I like your suit. It's fits you _very_ well." he replied, grinning.

She grabbed his face, pulling him in for another kiss. And she didn't pull back this time.

* * *

He trailed his fingers along her back, a idiotic smile spread across his face. Lying in bed with a beautiful naked woman was a hell of a lot better than the itchy cot he'd been sleeping on for the past couple of months. The sex was also a wonderful luxury, one that he hadn't been able to enjoy in far too long.

They'd spent the whole night either joined or lying in the other's arms, the joy of being together again making them far too excited for deep sleep. His lids began to close again, the aftermath of lovemaking leaving him feeling pleasantly drowsy.

"Shepard?" Tali pulled her head up from its place on his chest, looking at him.

"Mmm?"

She smiled, touching his face. "I don't think I've ever been more happy."

He grinned. "Me neither. I—" his stomach protested loudly at the lack of food, and Tali snorted into his chest.

"I suppose we should get up."

"No." she squeezed her arms around him, pressing her face into his neck. "I just want to stay here for a moment."

"We can stay here all day, if you want. Get Vakarian to cart food up here."

She raised her head again, brows quirked in thought. "I like that idea. But I don't think he'll ever stop bugging me if we spend the whole day up here though."

"Well, unless you've managed to pick up some gourmet food for the Normandy, there's a little coffee shop that we could go to. They sell all kinds of food there; I bet we could find something for you."

She brightened. "Okay. You have to take a shower first, though. You really do smell like a lake."

He shoved memories of his dive into Temptation out of his head, smiling at her. "You'll have to help me though." he pulled her up with him, standing up and dragging her towards the small bathroom.

They were in the shower until the water ran cold.

* * *

"I have to go down to engineering." she said reluctantly, leaning into him. For once she enjoyed the slow ride of the elevator.

He chuckled. "And I'm sure Miranda has some stupid test to run on me to make sure I'm still healing the way she wants me to."

The lift door opened and he stepped out onto the Crew Deck, looking back at her.

"Think you'll survive an hour down in engineering without me?" he asked, grinning.

She put a hand on her hip, giving him a look. "I'm sure I'll manage."

He laughed, watching the door close, and he turned t—

His eyes caught on the memorial wall, and on one name specifically. Under his—they hadn't taken it down yet—was Anderson's. His throat suddenly felt tight.

He walked over to stand in front of it, his fingers brought up to touch the cool metal.

"Jesus." he remembered that last conversation he'd had with his old mentor, forcing down the lump in his throat. The man had been a good friend for many years, and deserved to see the galaxy working together to build a new future. He shouldn't have died.

"I'm sorry, sir." he whispered quietly.

"Shepard." he turned, brought out his thoughts as he saw Garrus leaning against the wall beside the lift, and forced a smile.

"Morning, Garrus."

"It's noon, actually. I'm surprised you're even up this early."

He grinned. "Got hungry."

The turian shook his head, laughing. He came to stand next to Shepard, looking back at the memorial wall.

"Not a lot of people get to see their grave." Garrus commented quietly, gesturing to Shepard's name on the wall.

"Not a lot of people get to die twice, either."

Garrus chuckled again, but it held little humour. "I remember watching Tali put it up there. Spirits, I really thought you'd be at the bar. We all did." he looked over at him, dark eyes somber.

Shepard returned the look, smiling faintly. "Figured I'd stay alive. I don't like getting drunk alone."

They stood their for a moment in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Shepard reached up, pealing his name off slowly, watching the adhesive come away. Now in his hand, he stared down at it.

"She was destroyed." Garrus said quietly. Shepard looked back up to the turian to see him staring at the name plate. "She wouldn't talk to anyone and she'd bolt whenever someone mentioned your name. And for all my effort, I couldn't do a damn thing to help her. I'm glad you came back."

Shepard looked back down at the name plate. "So am I."

* * *

"Make a fist."

"I've already done this—"

"A thousand times, I know. Do it again."

He sighed, complying, wincing at the result. He was sitting in the med-bay, glaring at Miranda, who was reading something on your omni-tool.

"The muscles in your hand have atrophied, even holding that cane so often, and you need to strengthen them. Did you do any of the exercises last night?"

"I exercised, all right." he said, grinning.

He heard a snort and looked over to see Chakwas sitting at her desk, watching them with amusement. "How is Tali doing, by the way? Any reaction?"

His mouth twisted. "She said she could feel a fever and runny nose coming on, said it'll likely be here by tonight."

She gave him a stern look. "Then that means only sleeping for you two tonight, understand me? The girl's been through enough; no need to tax her system."

The disappointed look on his face made Chakwas snort again. "I mean it. If she has to come to me for any medication I'll make sure you two don't sleep in the same room together for a week."

He sighed. "Alright, I get it. No sex."

The door opened and Tali stepped in, eyes immediately finding him. He could see her smile under the mask and grinned back.

"How's your hand?"

"Great." he said sarcastically, frowning at it.

"It'll get better." she said, echoing his earlier words. "And Miranda even said that once the resources are available you can get your injuries fixed up."

"I just hate not being able to move." he looked down at his hand again, flexing it painfully. "It doesn't feel right."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you." she said, giggling. "Can we go get something to eat now? I'm all done in engineering and I'm hungry."

He saw Miranda hide a smile and Chakwas gave him a knowing look, which Tali was oblivious to.

"Miranda can torture me later." he jumped off the bed, seeing Miranda roll her eyes. He made a leg to his girlfriend, offering his arm. "Milady."

* * *

"Are you sure your leg is alright?" Tali asked, looking concerned.

He sighed. "Yeah, it's fine. No worse than usual, anyway."

She could see his brows drawn together in pain as he leaned heavily on the cane while they walked. He winced sometimes and he had to stop periodically to flex his crippled hand, which had to bear the burden of holding the cane.

she took his hand again, making him stop. She rubbed at the bones, massaging it.

He groaned. "Jesus, that feels good. I should get you to massage the rest of me too. You know, for recuperating purposes." he added quickly, seeing the look she gave him from behind her mask.

"Are you sure this isn't too far a walk for you?" she already knew what his answer would be, the stubborn bastard; she didn't even know why she bothered sometimes.

"I'm fine, Tali." she was so sure of his answer that she mouthed the words along with him, glad for once that he couldn't see her face.

She sighed. "Alright, just don't push yourself. You may think you're above us mere mortals but you still get the same aches and pains as we do."

He laughed. "I'll consider your suggestion, mortal."

They continued their walk, her arm through the crook of his, his good hand stuffed in his jacket pocket. It was chilly, but for once it wasn't raining. Judging by the clouds, however, that would likely change.

They didn't talk much as they made their way through the rubble and towards the cafe, content to simply feel the other's presence beside them.

"Holy shit." he stopped again, staring at the small coffee shop just ahead of them. Tali couldn't help but agree.

The place was *packed.* There was a lineup out the door and people crowded the big windows at its front, both inside and out. If it was like this at noon, she wondered what it looked like in the morning.

Walking up to stand behind the last person in line, she felt her stomach rumble. The smell of the food wafting out of the open door made her mouth water.

Shepard chuckled. "I think it'll be dark before we can actually get in."

She heard the man in front of them laugh, and he turned to agree. His eyes widened when he saw who it was.

"Christ... It's Commander Shepard."

There were a dozen people in line that turned at the name, and Tali saw Shepard wince out of the corner of her eye.

"Good afternoon." he said succinctly, trying not to draw attention to himself and failing miserably.

A chorus of "Oh my God, Commander Shepard" was heard throughout the line, and slowly people began to part, beckoning for him and Tali to take their place in line.

"No thanks, it's fine—"

"Dude, come on! You're the reason we're able to stand in line anyway." the guy in front of them said, nodding them towards the doors. "I think I can give up a couple of extra minutes for you."

Shepard looked down at her. "Would do you say?"

She grinned. "Lead the way."

They walked forward, Shepard nodding sheepishly to the people who let him pass, who nodded in return and either shook his hand or thanked him.

He walked up to the counter, Tali in tow, and ordered for them. The woman behind the counter looked a little frazzled at the sight of him, but began to make their food right away. Tali was even able to get a nutrient tube, which she grimaced at. She couldn't wait to eat solid food.

As they waited, she leaned against the counter, smiling at him. "I knew there was a reason I hung around with you. I should have brought you to the flotilla; we'd get the best food every time with the way you cut through lines."

He laughed. "And here I thought you actually liked me."

She snorted. "Don't be—"

"Oh no! You don't have to pay, sir!" Tali saw Shepard attempting to hand the woman a credit chit, which she refused.

"I ordered something—"

"I'm not going to make you pay, Commander. That would be horribly disrespectful."

Judging by the look on Shepard's face, he didn't think so. "Look, I ordered food. I should have to pay for it. These nice people already let me up here."

"Just let him pay. He won't leave until he does." Tali said, smiling behind her mask.

The woman looked at him for a moment, eyes narrowed. "Fine," she said finally. "But I'm giving you a discount."

"Alright." he said, resigned, and she snickered. He was probably the first person to ever be unhappy at being given a discount.

They found a table near the back and she plunked their food down, watching Shepard sit down painfully in his chair. Her heart ached for him but she didn't say anything; any offered help or sympathy was met with stony rejection. He had to be the most stubborn person in the galaxy.

"God, how do people do it? Famous people, I mean?" he said, opening up the tab on his coffee and taking a sip.

She shrugged. "I suppose they get used to it."

"I don't _want_ to get used to it. All that attention and people tripping over themselves to do things for you."

"You poor soul. That sounds terrible." she supplied with a smile.

He gave her a look. "You know what I mean."

She patted his hand. "I know. But at least it'll be quieter on Rann—" she stopped, looking at him as she realised something. "You... you still want to go to Rannoch, right?"

He looked at her like she'd grown another head. "Jesus, Tali, yes. Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

She started to pull on her fingers, food forgotten. "I don't know... we just haven't seen each other in a while and... I didn't know if you changed your mind."

He laughed, and she looked up. "You're crazy, you know that? If I had to wait fifty years to see you again my answer would still be the same."

She smiled at him. "That's... that's good. And I'm glad that it didn't have to be fifty years."

"I'm glad too. I don't think I could go without sex that long."

She smacked his arm. "You're—"

"Idiotic? Inappropriate? Unbelievable?"

"All of those."

* * *

Ookay! More fluff yet to come, and more character interaction, as I said. So, I hope you enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I swear, this was so freaking fun to write. Like, better than last chapter. At this rate, I'll publish 50k words worth of fluff.

And yes, this took a lot longer than it usually does, but I've been ridiculously busy, so it's a tad late. Don't worry though, I'm not dropping this story or anything.

Anyway, hope you enjoy, and tell me what you think!

* * *

**Chapter 9: Bijoux de Mariage**

Hannah sat in her office aboard the Orizaba, immersed in paperwork. The Galactic Board, as it was being called until the Council was re-established, had decided that since her son had saved the galaxy, _she_ must be the most qualified person to fill out an ungodly amount of paperwork for them. She sighed, sipping on her coffee.

There was a knock at the door and she looked up from her work. "It's open."

The door opened and in came her son. Immediately she noticed that he looked nervous, and she smiled encouragingly at him.

"How's Tali?"

"Bit stuffed up, but other than that she's fine." he said, walking over to her desk and fiddling with the papers.

"That's good. Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?" she asked, eyes warm.

He looked at her for a moment, then stared down at his feet, shuffling them. "Sort of."

"Sit down." she gestured to one of the chairs on the other side of her desk. "Now, what's bothering you?"

He grinned. "You sound like a shrink."

"Don't change the subject. What's the matter? You wouldn't have come to see me if you didn't want to talk."

"Yeah." he said, mouth twisting. She let him collect his thoughts, waiting patiently.

"Can I borrow dad's ring?" he blurted suddenly.

She jerked a little in surprise. She suspected where this was going but didn't want to jump to conclusions. "Why?"

John stared at the floor, brows drawn together and cheeks an almost painful-looking red. "I... I uh... I want to propose. To—to Tali, I mean." his head ducked lower as the sentence went on, and by the time he'd finished talking his chin was practically to his chest, face flaming.

Her inner mother was jumping for joy, but she kept a neutral expression. He hated attention; the last thing she wanted to do was get excited in front of him.

"Are you sure?"

He looked up at her, and his voice no longer held any hesitation or shyness when he spoke. "Positive."

She smiled, getting out of her chair and coming over to hug him. "That's wonderful, Johnny."

"Jesus, don't call me that." he complained, looking sheepish.

"Why not?" she asked, looking at him.

"Because I'm not six years old."

She smiled at him. "No, you're not." she kissed him, grinning ear-to-ear. "I'm happy for you. Tali seems like a wonderful girl."

"She is. I know this seems a little sudden, with you just meeting her—"

"If you're happy, I'm fine with it, okay?" he nodded, and she squeezed him one last time. Straightening, she walked over to her desk. Opening a drawer, she grabbed the small felt box and handed it to him.

He opened it, looking at its contents. The ring was silver, with a small moss-green stone in the centre of it, light refracting off its precise cuts. It probably wouldn't fit Tali, even her with thicker fingers, but it would certainly do. He met her eyes, giving her a lop-sided grin. "I'll have to get her her own, but I'm pretty broke until Hackett is able to pay me, so thanks."

She smiled at him. "Anytime, John."

He shuffled his feet again, looking over at the door. He always seemed younger when he did that, reminding her of when he was a boy. Especially when he got into trouble. Which had been often.

"Do you mind not telling anyone? Especially the crew; if Kasumi hears about this she'll try to plan the whole damn thing."

His embarrassment faded as he spoke, replaced by the dry, solemn humour his eyes usually held, dispelling the image of youth. She smiled again. "Of course."

"Thanks." with that, he walked out, the door closing softly behind him.

With no one around to see her, she did a very un-Admiral-like fist pump to the air, a giant grin on her face.

_Her son was getting married!_

* * *

Tali searched around the Crew Deck, wondering where Shepard was. They had woken up from a very platonic sleep together, which both relieved and disappointed her; relieved because she was sore from the other night's activities, and disappointed because, well... she enjoyed aforementioned activities so much.

"Morning Tali." Adams said, smiling at her.

"Morning." she replied cheerily, seeing his smile widen. She had adopted the silly human custom of announcing the time of day to one another, and the crew seemed to find it funny that they were humanising all the aliens on board.

She grabbed her tubed breakfast from the dextro side of the fridge, sniffling a little, and sat down with the rest of the crew, digging in.

The Normandy was currently grounded, with skilled engineers fit to repair and replace all the things that the crew had not been able to. Tali was still suspicious of the engineers' skill, but decided to let them play with the ship. As long as they didn't break anything, she was fine with it. For now.

She saw Shepard appear from one of the hallways, smiling briefly at her before going to raid the fridge. He looked a little nervous and she wondered what he'd been doing.

"You guys are up early." Garrus commented, poking at his food as he sat down. She saw Jack and Kasumi snickering to one another down the table, and her face flushed.

Shepard, damn the man, smiled and rolled with it, as he always did. "Decided to get some sleep last night."

More laughter around the table, and she glared at him, which only made his smile grow. Now with food in hand, he sat down next to her, across from a laughing Garrus.

She saw him dig into his food, the table quieting a little as they enjoyed their breakfast. She had to hand it to Alliance soldiers; they could savour even the most foul tasting of military rations.

She saw Shepard twitch out of the corner of her eye and turned to see a speck of food on the bridge of his nose.

His brows drew together in confusion before looking accusingly at Garrus, who was studying his food with vested interest, feigning ignorance.

With as little movement as possible so as not to draw attention, Shepard scooped a small piece of breakfast mush onto his fork, pulled a finger back on the tines, and launched it at Garrus.

The turian flinched, the mush landing on his forehead. Looking up, he grabbed a handful of his food and threw at Shepard, catching him full in the face.

The room went silent as everyone stared at the Commander, whose face was covered in dextro goo. Blinking, his eyelashes heavy with dews of mush, he stared Garrus down, a challenging smile forming on his lips.

"It's on, Vakarian."

He grabbed his plate and with lightning speed slammed it into the turian's face, who staggered out of his chair.

She saw people duck under the table, she being one of them, while others, like Jack and James, grabbed food and launched it at others unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire.

Chaos ensued, food splattering every surface of the Crew Deck, screams of delight and outrage echoing in the mess hall. She felt a hand on her arm and was pulled up by Kasumi, who squished food into her visor, blinding her.

Tali staggered, wiping at the mush, trying to see. She felt more impacts of food hit her, catching her in the stomach and leg.

Wiping an arm across her visor, which gave her limited vision, she picked up the nearest plate and flung the food at Kasumi, who barely missed being hit in the face with porridge.

She saw Garrus and Shepard engaged in fierce battle, Shepard holding up a tray and blocking the foodstuffs being hurled at him, with Garrus behind the small counter in the kitchen, jumping out of cover to launch a brutal, messy assault. The two of them were covered head-to-toe in food, both of them laughing their heads off.

She heard Grunt guffaw and saw him whip a giant blob of food at Jack, covering the whole upper half of her. She growled at him, launching a biotic throw at the krogan that knocked him on his ass, laughing at the result.

"_Shepard!"_

The shout froze everyone in place, food still in raised hands, giving the illusion of time stopping.

They all turned, almost in unison, to see Hackett, Hannah, and two other Admirals standing there, the latter two frowning in disapproval at the rowdy display before them. She saw Hannah's lips twitching as she stared at her son, who was splattered with every type of food available aboard the Normandy. Hackett's lips tugged up once, but he kept his expression neutral.

"Is this a bad time, Commander?" Hackett asked.

"Not at all, sir." he replied, his voice all-business. Even covered with food, Shepard still managed to look commanding and professional, something that baffled Tali.

"Well, once you're cleaned up—" another twitch of the lips, "we'd like to speak with you. I'd talk to you here but..." he trailed off, eyes dancing around the mess.

"Of course."

His mission now accomplished, Hackett ushered the the other Admirals back towards the elevator, with Hannah shooting her son one last amused look before disappearing down the short hallway.

They all stood there in silence for a moment, trying to register what just happened. She looked over to Shepard, seeing his mouth twitch and break into a smile. A small chuckle formed in the back of his throat, which turned into a laugh.

He threw his head back, laughter echoing loudly. His arms wrapped around his sides as he guffawed, as of he were trying to hold the humour in. He collapsed to the floor, back to the wall as he lost control.

"Oh Christ, the-their f-faces—" his eyes crinckled in mirth as he laughed, the crew joining in, realising how ridiculous they all looked. Tali joined in as well, her heart warming as she watched Shepard wheeze on the floor. She'd rarely seen him laugh, and never like *that*.

The crew spent a good five minutes howling at one another, some even flinging excess bits of food at each other.

When Shepard was able to stop laughing long enough to stand up, he looked around, grinning.

"I ah, have to go take a shower," he said, laughing as he looked down at himself. "The mess—"

"Don't worry, sir. We'll clean it up." Traynor said, smiling through a face full of breakfast.

The rest of the crew nodded in agreement, Tali included.

Lips never losing its smile, he nodded back and walked towards the elevator.

She caught his arm, smiling at him. He wiped at her visor, trying to see her eyes more clearly. "I have to go to some boring meeting now. I'll be back as soon as I can."

She nodded, hugging him, hearing the food squish under her. She giggled. "Go get in the shower. You wouldn't want to ruin the Admiral's spotless floor."

* * *

Shepard rapped his knuckles on the door, waiting. He'd taken a shower, laughing at himself the entire time as he got bits of food out of his short hair and stubble, the thought of the look on the Admirals' faces sending him into near-hysterical boughts of laughter. Now he stood outside their office, clad in the uncomfortable outfit he'd been given during his lockdown on Earth as he waited.

He hadn't had that much fun in a very long time. And even if it had only lasted five minutes, it had made his day. There was only one thing that could top it, he thought, thinking of the little felt box he'd hidden in the cabin, hoping Tali wouldn't find it.

The extranet had been horribly un-informative on the subject of quarian bonding, but it had at least been able to tell him the words one says to their mate. He hoped to God he'd get the words right when he asked her.

The door opened, dispelling his thoughts. He was ushered in and his eyes found the Admirals sitting at that big-ass desk of theirs. He met his mother's eye, lips twitching as he tried to control his face. She smiled at him, but there was a touch of sadness in her gaze that confused him.

"Commander," an Admiral—Shepard vaguely remembered the man's name was Dwahan—began, tone slightly bored, as it always was. "I am glad to see you've made yourself respectable."

"I'm flattered you find my appearance so important," he said, a little annoyed. He wouldn't let the man's stuffiness dampen his mood. "What is it that you'd like to speak to me about?"

A flash of irritation crossed Dwahan's dark features, but he quickly composed himself. "Two things. First, we would like to ask you to help train some of our men."

Hackett cut in before he could reply. "Some of your crew have been asking what they can do to help with the rebuilding, and we've found something. You've got some of the best operatives at your side and it would be a great help if they could aid us in training our soldiers."

"With all due respect, shouldn't training soldiers be a secondary concern? I mean, who'd be stupid enough to start a fight now? Besides which, the galaxy is more or less under peaceful terms with one another. Wouldn't stocking our army seem like an aggressive act?"

The other Admiral, Beauchamp-something-or-other, seemed surprised that Shepard had said something intelligent, making him force himself not to roll his eyes.

"That is true," Hackett agreed. "But I'm asking you to help train all soldiers—not just humans. If the galaxy can build our armies together as allies, it might bring about less conflict. And some of your crew also have advanced technical and biotic knowledge that can be applied in areas other than armies."

Shepard nodded. "I'd be glad to. We won't be around long though; once the Normandy is fixed up, we're leaving. We'll only be here for a couple weeks, a month tops."

"That's quite alright, Shepard. Any aid, even short term, is greatly appreciated."

"Happy to help. There was something else you wanted to talk about...?" he trailed off, waiting.

Hackett's eyes took on a solemn look. "We got word that the memorial on Akuze has been completed. The civilians and workers living there wanted to finish it, even with the state the galaxy is in. They'd like you to visit, if you can."

A shudder went through him at the name, and he realised why his mother had given him that look.

He swallowed, keeping his expression neutral. "I'd... be honoured to, sir." the thought of going back there filled him with a dull dread, like a lead weight in his stomach. But then, how could he say no?

Hackett nodded, his eyes holding sympathy for Shepard's difficult situation. "I'll tell them that you'll stop by when you're able. Take care, Commander."

* * *

Shepard headed towards the tented hospital, head down in thought as he limped slightly.

Although he'd hardly had any breakfast, he found he had little appetite, the thought of Akuze making him slightly nauseated. He wasn't sure how he'd go back there; it had taken so long to get away from the nightmares, and even now echoes still plagued him in sleep. If he set foot on Akuze again, he didn't know if he'd be able to escape the memories this time.

"Shepard?" An accented voice said softly behind him.

He jumped, whirling to face the owner of the voice, hand flying to the gun at his hip that wasn't there.

"Jesus, Tali. Don't do that." he said, heaving a sigh when he realised who it was.

She touched his arm, a look of concern in her eyes. "Are you alright? You've been acting a little oddly today."

Had he? He hadn't thought so, but maybe he was less of an actor than he thought he was.

"Fine, fine. Just... I'm fine." he ended lamely. She stared at him suspiciously for a long moment, looking like she didn't buy it. He couldn't really blame her.

Finally she sighed. "Okay. But you'll tell me if there's anything wrong, right?"

He nodded, smiling at her. "Right."

"Good." she looped her arm through his, looking up at him. "Where were you going?"

"The hospital. Figured I'd collect all my stuff since I'm not sleeping there anymore."

The walked a bit in silence, Tali leaning into him as they walked, sniffling.

He laughed. "How're you feeling?"

"Stuffy," she said, sounding just that. "But for what I get in return I can't really complain."

He chuckled again. "Glad you're enjoying yourself."

She gave him a look. "Don't let that go to your head."

"I don't think I can't _not_ let that go to my head. You tell a guy he's good at sex and his ego goes through the roof."

"Then you're terrible at it." she said, laughing.

He grinned down at her. He got a good look at her, and noticed that she no longer had food splattered all over her suited form.

"How's the clean up going?"

"Very slow. Grunt and James started another food fight after you left, so the mess is in pretty much the same state you left it in. What did the Admirals want, by the way?"

He'd chuckled at the news, but his expression grew somber at her question. "They wanted to know if the crew would like to help train some new recruits. For some trust-building exercise between races and whatnot."

"What?" he could see her glowing eyes squinting in confusion, and he relayed the conversation he'd had with the Admirals not twenty minutes ago.

"Sounds like fun." Tali looked up at him, studying him far too keenly for his liking. "Did that talk to you about anything else?"

"Akuze."

She stared up at him for a moment, pulling him to a stop. "What do you mean?"

His mouth twisted. "The memorial on Akuze is finished and I've been asked to go see it."

She touched his arm. "Are you going to go?"

"I have to. What the hell would they think if I said no?"

She brought a hand to his cheek, eyes warm. "You don't deserve this. They shouldn't push you into a corner like that."

"I don't think anyone meant to. Still, I have to go." he sighed, mouth twisting into a frown.

"Do you want to?"

"No."

He saw her smile at him through her mask. "I'll come with you, if you want."

He returned the expression. "I don't think I could go alone anyway."

She brushed her finger across his cheek, then returned her arm to its place on his, guiding him towards the giant tent up ahead.

They ducked into it, Shepard walking them to his cot near around the corner. They came to a stop in front of it, and Tali made a small sound.

"...This is where you slept?" the cot was narrow and the fabric looked itchy, and she suspected that it was too short for his tall, broad form. The floor was cold and the only thing the "bed"—if it could even be called that—had on it was a thin blanket and a couple of lumpy pillows. It was an uninviting hole in the wall.

"I've slept in worse places." he commented casually, sitting down at the foot of it. He smiled, looking up at her, and suddenly she felt his arm go around her waist and drag her down onto the bed, lying on top of him.

"Feels a lot more comfortable with you on it though." he said, arms wrapping around her, his nose almost pressed to her face plate.

"Shepard! There are people around!" she hissed, squirming in his grip.

"They can go to hell." he said, but loosened his grip on her after a long moment, letting her get off of him.

He sat up, reaching under the cot and retrieving what looked to be a combat knife.

"You kept a knife under your bed?" she asked.

"Didn't feel safe without it." he said simply. He heaved himself off of the bed with a grunt, sheathing the knife at his belt and moving over to the head of the cot. Lifting up the pillows, she saw a piece of paper flutter around from the disturbance, and she caught it.

It was burnt, with smears of dried blood and dirt incrusted onto it. She turned it over, and her breath caught in her throat.

It was the picture of her standing on Rannoch. She looked up at him, heart in her eyes. "You... you kept this with you?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "I figured I might need a reminder."

"Reminder?"

"Of what I fought for. What I've always fought for. I kept it with me in case I need to remind myself of a reason to keep going if I ever faltered. To remind myself that I made a promise to the one person I couldn't ever bear to let down."

Her eyes stung as she looked at him, teeth clenched to keep from crying. She wondered what the nurses and patients would think if she stripped off her suit and made love to him right there on the cot. They'd probably freak out. Plus the whole bad immune system thing. Still, it was a great struggle not to tackle him onto the bed and tear his clothes off.

"Keelah... you're—"

"Wonderful? Amazing? Romantic?" he supplied, grinning.

"All of those." she hopped over the bed and squeezed him hard, mask pressed against his chest.

"I try." he said, a smile in his voice as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey! No sex in the hospital!" a voice called, and she jumped away from him in surprise.

Shepard laughed, calling towards where the voice had come from. "Stupid son of a bitch. You ruined the moment."

"I didn't want to see the rest of *moment*." the man replied, walking over to them. "You going to introduce me?"

"Tali, meet Banner. Banner, meet Tali." Shepard said, gesturing to each of them.

Banner rolled his eyes, sticking out a hand, which she shook. "You the picture girl?"

"The what?" she asked, confused.

He gestured to the photo in her hand. "The chick in the photo. That you?"

She looked down. "You... you saw this?"

"Commander only pulled the damn thing out a thousand times. My cot's right next to his. Hard not to see it."

"Enough, Banner." Shepard said behind her, face red.

He grinned. "You should be thanking me. I'm racking you up some major brownie points."

*What the hell is he talking about?* Tali wondered, face scrunched in confusion.

Her omni-tool beeped and her comm crackled into life, Adams' voice playing in her ear.

"Tali?"

"Yes?" she said, turning away from Shepard and Banner, who appeared to be arguing.

"One of the engineers fixing the Normandy ah... had an accident."

"What? Did they break anything?" she demanded, eyes flaring. The two men behind her turned to stare at her, and she lowered her voice. "What did they do?"

"He tried to cut a wire to replace it without turning off the breaker switch first. Got a nasty shock and the Normandy's lights are flickering. You're the only one small enough to get to the wires to fix them."

How could someone be that stupid? Cutting live wires? And *these* were the most skilled engineers Hackett could give them?

She sighed. "I'll be right over." she was going to suggest that the idiot that had caused this mess in the first place go and fix it, but if he was electrocuted then that probably wasn't a good idea.

"Something wrong?" Shepard asked behind her.

She turned, looking at him. "Some idiot shocked himself trying to repair the Normandy. I have to go help fix it."

He laughed. "Alright, I'll just get my things."

"You don't have to come with me. It's sort of a one-person job. Besides, I don't think you'd be much help." she added, giggling.

He gave her an offended look. "I think you underestimate my abilities."

"I'm sure I do." she said, giving him a brief hug and waving as she walked away. "I'll see you in a bit."

He tipped a non-existent hat to her, then turned and began arguing with Banner again, who gave her an enthusiastic wave before returning to his heated debate with the Commander.

She idly wondered what they were arguing about as she headed towards the entrance. What did human men argue about, anyway?

"Who are you?"

The voice was sugar laced with poison, and her hackles rose as she turned to look at the owner.

The woman was blonde, and was obviously a nurse judging by her attire. She had a mean, calculating look on her face, smooth eyebrows crinkled.

"Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya." she said her full name, knowing that it confused aliens. She normally didn't do that, but the woman's attitude made her automatically defensive.

The nurse stared her down haughtily. "How do you know the Commander?"

"I'm his girlfriend." she said, eyes narrowed.

The blonde threw her head back, giving out a mean laugh that held no humour. "Really? *You're* his girlfriend? You'd think the Saviour of the Galaxy would have much better standards." she added, giving Tali a disgusted once-over.

Tali was not good at being mean—she never had been. But she also wasn't going to stand there and be bullied by this woman, whose eyes had glinted with jealousy at the mention of Shepard having a girlfriend.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "He does have standards. He'd be sleeping with you otherwise."

The woman's eyes widened and her lips curled in a snarl. She opened her mouth to speak, but then her eyes flashed, and she smiled cruelly. "He told a very different story when I had my tongue in his mouth."

She was lying. The woman had to be. Shepard would never dream of being with this... woman. But a little voice in the back of her head whispered that he'd spent three months alone, thinking everyone dead. That kind of grief and loneliness might drive a man to seek comfort in the arms of even the coldest of women.

She shoved those thoughts away, not daring to back down. She would not let this woman hurt her.

"What's going on here?" she heard his voice and saw him walking towards them, eyes trained warily on the nurse.

The woman turned, cooing. "Just having a word with your... girlfriend." she said the word with a sneer, but her voice was as sweet as honey.

Shepard's eyes flared and he took a step towards her, voice dangerously quiet. "Leave me and my crew alone, do you understand me? Don't make me ask you again. Now go." he flung a hand out behind him, tone steel.

The woman snarled at him. "You're telling me that you'd go out with this slut before me? Are you gay or something?"

With lightning speed, he grabbed her arm, twisting it behind her back and pressed her against a nearby counter, medical equipment on the table clinking around from the movement.

"I'm going to give you ten seconds to apologise."

"Or what?" she demanded, looking over her shoulder at him.

He twisted savagely on the arm behind her back and she cried out. "Nine. Eight. Seven—"

"I'm sorry!"

"Not to me. To Tali." he jerked his head towards her, who stood there shocked at the scene before her.

The nurse looked over at her, lips curled. "I'm not apologising to *her*. She's a quarian."

He applied more pressure to the arm. "Six. Five. Four. Three. Two—"

"I'm-m sorry! Fuck! Are you happy now, douche bag?"

He let go of her, shoving her back the way he'd came. "Leave."

She rubbed at her arm, backing away from him. "I'm filing a report about this!"

"You do that." he sounded downright hostile, and turned to take Tali's arm to guide her out of the entrance.

Once outside, he took a shuddering breath, scrubbing hard at his face. The stubble rasped under his hand, and he looked exhausted already, despite it being only morning.

She opened her mouth, but he stopped her with a hand. "Please, just don't say anything."

"I wanted to say thank you."

"For what? Assaulting that woman?" they walked a little ways away from the hospital, and he sat down heavily on a piece of concrete.

She touched his arm, sitting down beside him. "For standing up for me. Besides, that bi—nurse," she corrected herself, and saw Shepard's lips tug up. "Deserved it."

"It's my job, Tali. You don't have to thank me for it. Now I'm probably going to get into a shitload of legal trouble within the next forty-eight hours." he said, but he sounded as if he could care less about it.

He stood up, leaning on his cane and grunting. He offered her a hand. "Come on. You've got to fix the ship, then we can do something fun before I have to go to court."

* * *

It had been a long day. Tali had spent two hours stripping, cutting, and replacing all the wires that had been damaged by the accident, which had been a lot. She'd been terribly worried when Hackett had called Shepard about the incident, but it turned out to be nothing. The woman had claimed that Shepard had raped her, and Hackett had seen it for the bullshit that it was and dropped the charges all together, saying that since the woman had lied, the actual incident couldn't have been all that bad. Shepard had thanked Hackett, who seemed highly amused about the entire thing, and she and him had spent the rest of the day relaxing. They'd gone for a walk, gotten some food—and had collected his things from the hospital, with the nurse nowhere to be found—and they talked. They talked for hours, the thrill of being able to hear one another's voice again demanding they speak to each other as much as possible.

Now, Tali stretched in the small living area of their cabin, muscles aching from crawling around in maintenance shafts and her and Shepard's... activities the other night. She discreetly activated the immuno-boosters in her suit. There was no way she was going two nights without being with Shepard, even if she still had a stuffy nose.

She looked over at him through the small window of his office, smiling. He was rifling through one of the drawers and appeared to be muttering to himself. He seemed nervous, which was extremely rare for him. Some part of her brain had suspected his nervousness was about him being with that nurse, but his earlier display had quelled any of those thoughts. Straightening from his desk, he walked down the small steps and entered the living area of the ship, a small box in his hand.

She cocked her head. "What's that?"

He looked down at the box, as of he was wondering that himself. His feet shuffled and he rubbed his neck. "Tali, I want to ask you something."

His serious tone made her look at him in confusion, but she smiled encouragingly at him, even if he couldn't see it. "Yes?"

He stood in front of her, grabbing one of her hands and meeting her eyes.

He cleared his throat, brows drawn together as if he were trying to remember something.

"Our footprints mark many paths, our boots dusty and breath winded," he began, and her breath caught. "Through hardship and hunger, loss and loneliness, our paths have finally met. Tali'Zorah, I ask that your feet may forever mark the earth beside mine, and to always lay your head down with me."

He opened the box, a ring in the centre of it. He took it out, sliding it onto her smaller finger. "Will you marry me, Tali?" he asked quietly, eyes never breaking contact with hers.

She let out a sob and ripped her mask off, moulding her mouth to his and pushing him to the ground, hands on either side of his head.

He laughed into her lips as they landed heavily on the metal deck, and he rolled to lay atop her. When breathing became an issue, he pulled away.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." he said, grinning at her.

"Yes, John'Shepard vas Normandy. I will."

She pressed her mouth to his once more, and the walls of the cabin echoed with sounds of passion as they became one.

* * *

So, you know what this means. Wedding time!

I'm in a bit of a jam for this one. Since BioWare hasn't delved deeply enough into quarian culture to talk about weddings and all that, I have to make it all up. Which is quite terrifying. So, if anyone knows of any fics that have done something like this, I'd be grateful if you pointed me in that direction. And of course, I'll be sure to ask the author permission to use it and acknowledge them.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: First off, I just want to say a Big Thank You to all you glorious, wonderful people. Your reviews are inspiring and are what keep me going. And as for all the suggestions you've given me in regards to the wedding, I could probably write a comprehensive list of quarian culture with all the info I got, so another Big Thank You for that.

Warning. There are some lemons in this chapter. Not porn or anything, but still. But who am I kidding? You'll love it.

And I'm sorry Tali, but I had to.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Big Feet**

There was somebody lying on him.

His eyes opened lazily, brain still drugged with sleep. He raised his head off of the pillow to see Tali half-laying on him, snoring slightly, which made him grin. Memories of the night before made his grin widen, and he trailed his fingers along her back, remembering.

She was going to be his wife now. The statement seemed alien and strange, even in the secret confines of his own mind; he hadn't really ever pictured himself with a wife and children, living in some white-picket fence house with a big lawn. Not until he met Tali, anyway.

Now all they had to do was get married and build a house on Rannoch, which made him frown. The most complicated thing he'd ever built was one of those stupid bird houses in shop class when he'd gone to school as a kid. He supposed he could just build a really big birdhouse for them to live in, but he suspected that Tali likely wouldn't be very pleased with the idea.

He watched the clouds go by through the small window over the bed, mind idly wandering. A headache began to spread across his forehead, reminding that he had not yet had any caffeine this morning.

Trying to be as careful as possible, he began to shift out from under an unconscious Tali, inching his way towards the edge of the bed.

She made a small snuffling sound and buried her face in his chest, blinking as she began to wake up. She yawned and stretched, then wrapped her arms around him.

"Where're you going?" she said, voice muffled in his chest.

"Getting some breakfast."

"No." she squeezed him more tightly, kissing his collarbone. "You're staying here."

He chuckled, playing with her hair. "As you command, wife."

Her head jerked up and she looked at him nervously, looking more alert. "What are we going to tell everyone? About the wedding, I mean?"

"Maybe that we're getting married?" she smacked his chest and he laughed. "Whatever you want to, Tali." he said, sobering a little. "I know that if you tell Kasumi she'll go crazy, and Garrus will probably bug the shit out of me."

"Do you... I mean, I'm not ashamed or—but I don't want to..." she almost sounded like she was having a conversation with herself the way she kept trailing off and interrupting her previous sentence.

"Tali, I don't care if we don't tell anyone. You don't even have to wear the ring if you don't want. I even asked my mother to keep it hushed. The last thing we need is the media getting a hold of it."

"Your mother knows? Is... is she okay with it?"

"No, she's locking me up in a closet right now so that I can't marry you."

"Shepard, I'm serious! Is she okay with it?" she seemed anxious, and he smiled at her, tugging on a strand of her hair.

"Of course she is. Why wouldn't she be?"

"Just well, because I'm..." she trailed off, gesturing to herself.

"A woman?"

She gave him a dirty look. "A quarian, you bosh'tet! Isn't she concerned that you're marrying an alien?"

Realisation dawned in his mind, and he suddenly knew why Tali seemed so surprised that his mother was okay with the marriage. Tali had told him straight up that her father likely would've hated him had he figured out that Shepard was sleeping with his daughter. After all, he was just some germy human. It was only natural that Tali was shocked at the news of a parent not going bat-shit crazy over an inter-species relationship.

"Tali, why don't you talk to her? I know she wants to get to know you better. That might put your mind at ease."

She brightened a little, the mention of a plan calming her. "Okay. I'll do that."

He kissed her. "Good. Now let's go get some breakfast."

* * *

"What the heck are they still doing up there?" Kasumi complained, head resting on her hands, elbows on the mess table. She wanted to talk to both Shepard and Tali, but apparently they were too horny to come down and socialise with people.

Hannah patted her arm. "Let them do what they want. They've only spent two days together—they're probably still getting over the shock of seeing one another."

Kasumi huffed but said nothing, making Hannah smile. The thief—Lord knows how—had figured out that John had proposed to Tali last night, and wanted to speak to the both of them. Kasumi had also decided the best course of action would be to tell the entire crew of the Normandy, something that made Hannah smile guiltily. Her son hated being in the limelight, but she couldn't deny that she was looking forward to his reaction. Especially when most of the crew had set up camp in the mess hall, wanting to see his reaction as well.

She saw John appear from the short hallway that led to the elevator, walking over towards the fridge.

"Shepard!" Kasumi squeaked, jumping up from her chair.

He looked over at her. "Hi, Kasumi. Good to see you too." he said, expression slightly confused.

Kasumi walked over and draped herself casually on the counter, studying her nails. "Get a good sleep?"

"Yeah." he said, sounding like he was only half-paying attention. He was rummaging through the fridge, in search of food.

"Where's Tali?"

"Upstairs. She's just getting dressed. She'll be down in a minute. "

Kasumi made a sound of acknowledgment, still studying her nails. "Sooo, when's the wedding?"

Hannah heard a thump and saw that her son had slammed his head into the roof of fridge.

"Fuck," he muttered, rubbing at the back of his head and setting his food down on the counter, closing the refrigerator door with a foot.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." he said casually.

Kasumi snorted. "You're terrible at lying, Shep. Come on, tell me!"

He shot a glare over to his mother. _You told her?_

She put her hands up in mock surrender. _Not a soul_, she replied silently.

He switched his glare back to Kasumi. "How the hell do you know?"

Kasumi snorted. "You were acting funny all day yesterday; I hacked your omni-tool when you two went to bed last night. I wanted to see if you were gonna do anything like propose. And you did!"

The look he gave her could have frozen fire. "You eavesdropped on our *private* conversation?"

She waved a hand. "Not like I haven't done it before. You really need better security on your electronics, Shep." his eyes flared and she hastily continued. "It's not that bad! Besides, I stopped watching as soon as you guys started doing the dirty. I don't wanna see any of that."

His face reddened. "Goto, I swear to God—"

"Hey Tali! How was your sleep?" Kasumi said, a little too loudly, turning away from a fuming John to see Tali standing there looking worried at all the people staring at her.

"All right," she said warily.

"Just all right?" Jack chimed in, propping her feet up on the table. "Might want to amp it up there, Shepard. Shouldn't leave your girlfriend unsatisfied. Or should I say fiancée?"

His face darkened and he glowered at anyone laughing, which just happened to be everyone in the room.

"They know?" Tali said, looking slightly alarmed.

John sighed. "Yes, everyone knows. Yell at Kasumi for that one."

The thief gave her an innocent smile, who glared at her. "You two are probably the sulkiest couple I've seen. Who cares if people know?"

"I do." John said, making the thief turn. "If the media catches wind of this they'll go crazy. And with you being the biggest blabber-mouth on the ship, telling you is not a good idea."

She looked insulted. "I am not—"

"We won't tell anyone, Shepard." Garrus interrupted. "The last thing you'll want is cameras at your wedding."

"Maybe you could invite that Khalisah Bin-blah-blah-whatever reporter chick to your wedding. You two always hit it off in interviews." Kasumi suggested, grinning.

"If you invite her I'll toss you out of the airlock."

* * *

"Use that gun, and it'll blow your arm off." Shepard commented, taking the Widow Rifle from the man's grip, who glared at him.

"I've seen you use it." the man insisted.

"That's because I have about fifteen kilos worth of tech in me. Use the Black Widow instead; recoil is a bitch but at least it won't shatter your arm."

The soldier studied him for a moment, as of he were sizing Shepard up. "Saying I'm weak?"

Shepard sighed. "No, I'm saying that even top N7 operatives can't use this. The only ones who can fire this thing are krogan and ge—synthetics." he corrected himself, eyes darkening for a moment. _Do we deserve death?_ Legion's voice echoed in his mind, and he shoved it away.

The man gave him a superior look. "I'm tough." he grabbed the gun from Shepard's hand. "I can use it."

"Idiot! You'll kill your shoulder!" he called to the man, who was striding over to the targets. Shepard sighed again. Fine. Let the arrogant dumb ass destroy his arm. It would teach him a lesson.

His eyes flicked around the big warehouse they were using as a training facility, watching his crew teach people of all races and gender about tech, guns, and biotics.

After a ridiculous amount of congratulations by the crew to both him and Tali, he relayed the conversation he'd had with Hackett about training soldiers with the crew as they ate, who all seemed enthusiastic about it. Now, instead of sitting around the ship, they could all be doing something productive as the Normandy was fixed up.

They'd separated everyone into three groups—the techies, the biotics, and the soldiers—and had all set up what equipment they could find to help train everyone.

He heard a loud bang, followed by a howl, and looked over to see the soldier he'd been speaking to earlier clutching his arm to his body and rolling on the ground, the Widow lying beside him.

Garrus walked over to him, studying the man. "He know that was going to happen?" Garrus asked as they approached the man.

"Yeah. Did it anyway." they bent down and hauled the soldier to his feet, the man still favouring his shattered arm, teeth gritted with the effort not to pass out or vomit from the pain.

Shepard didn't say anything to the man as they lead him out the door and towards a nearby clinic, figuring that everyone staring at him as he'd blown his arm was humiliating enough.

"You know, you should listen to the Commander more often. This may be a shock to you, but he actually knows what he's doing." Garrus commented, taloned hand under the soldier's good elbow.

The man said nothing, the only indication that he'd heard Garrus being a deep scowl.

"Even if he isn't the best shot." Garrus added, mandibles spread in amusement.

* * *

Tali watched Shepard and Garrus take the soldier away, shaking her head. The man's ego was so big it made him hard of hearing, it seemed.

"God, that man is gorgeous." she heard a woman whisper to her friend, both of them staring at her boyfri—no, fiancé.

The other woman nodded, hands lying idly on the mock-bomb they were being taught how to defuse. "I wonder if he has a girlfriend. God, I hope he isn't gay. With genes like that, it would be an insult to Humanity if he didn't reproduce."

"And he fills out those _jeans_ so well." the first woman added, and they both snickered at their clever word-play. "He's got a great ass. I wonder what else he's got going on downstairs?"

"I bet he's proportioned. He's got big feet. And big feet means a big—"

"How are you coming along with the defusing?" Tali asked, not wanting to hear any more of the women's conversation.

They both looked up, looking slightly alarmed at getting caught. "Uh, good, good. 'Bout half-way done." the first woman said, looking down at the piece of tech they sat beside.

They weren't at all close to finished, but Tali didn't say anything. The other woman looked up at her conspiratorially. "Hey, you hang out with the Commander. Do you know if he's dating anyone?"

"If he isn't, do you think you could put in a word for us?"

Tali made a conscious effort not a clench her fists, and kept her tone calm. "He's dating someone already. It's pretty serious."

The two women looked disappointed. "Really? Who?" one asked, looking interested.

"Me. Now finish defusing that bomb." she said, walking away with a satisfied grin on her face as she saw the surprised expression of the two women.

She walked past Kasumi, nodding to her as the tiny thief showed a couple of asari the basics of hacking, overlooking the rest of their 'students'.

As she watched them, some struggling and some showing signs of real talent, her mind floated back to the conversation she'd overheard.

_With genes like that, it would be an insult to Humanity if he didn't reproduce._

That sentence played over and over in her head, making her chest feel tighter each time she silently repeated it.

He could've dated any woman in the galaxy, could've _reproduced_ with anyone he damn well pleased, but instead he chose her. A quarian that could never give him children.

* * *

Shepard decided that the first day of training had been a success. Besides that idiot soldier who'd shattered his arm, there hadn't been any accidents. He hoped to keep it that way.

Now the crew was cleaning up, pushing the small training equipment into storage rooms near the back. He absently rubbed at his leg, wincing at the pain. Even just standing around supervising with occasional boughts of demonstration had left his bad knee throbbing, and his crippled hand was cramped and sore from holding a variety of weapons.

"That was fun." Garrus commented, standing beside him.

"Yeah. I can see why Jack likes being a teacher so much." he said honestly. He found that he enjoyed teaching others, watching that flash of realisation across their features when something clicked inside their brain and they suddenly understood what was being taught.

His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a blood-curdling scream and his hand flew to the non-existent pistol at his hip, before he ran towards the back, recognising who the scream had belonged to, Garrus close on his heels.

* * *

She pushed the last of the equipment into the small storage room, dusting her hands off. As Tali turned to close the door, she saw a piece of equipment fall and crash to the floor, and she sighed. Opening the door all the way, she climbed over a big punching bag and went to retrieve the fallen piece, placing it back on its original perch, making sure it wouldn't fall again.

Something appeared at the top of her visor and she curiously looked up. At first the blur on her faceplate was unfocused, but when her eyes trained on it, she froze. Her mouth opened to scream but no sound came out.

It was a spider. A really big one. On her helmet.

Her lungs suddenly worked and she let out a screech, flailing her arms and stumbling backwards. Her calves hit the punching back and she tumbled over it, falling to the floor in a tangle of limbs, still screaming.

"Tali!" She heard Shepard run over to her, sliding to her side.

"What—" his eyes found the spider and a giant grin spread on his face.

"Get it off!" she screeched, heading ducking into the back of her helmet as far as possible.

He coaxed the spider off with a hand, it's long legs stepping onto his palm.

She scrambled away, back to the wall and eyes wide. "Don't touch it!"

"Tali, it's harmless. It's just a daddy long-legs." he said, studying it as it slowly crawled up his arm.

"It's disgusting!" she watched it with malevolent eyes. "Ew! It's moving up your arm!" she said, pointing a shaking finger at it.

He let it crawl onto his crippled hand and walked over to one of the warehouse's big windows, shoving the pane open and gently placing it on the window sill outside. He closed the window and walked over to her. "It's gone." he held up both palms. "See?"

"Are there any more on me?" she asked frantically, hands patting herself down.

"No. You're clean." he slid down the wall, blowing out a breath. "Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. Don't scream like that."

"There was a spider on me! I _hate_ them!" She retorted, glaring at him.

He laughed, and she picked up a boxing glove and threw at him. "It isn't funny."

"You're right. It's hilarious."

* * *

Tali walked back to the Normandy with Shepard, her arm in his. The rest of the crew had left them to walk on their own, allowing them what privacy they could. She saw John wince occasionally from the pain in his knee, but she was too absorbed in her own thoughts to say anything.

The conversation between the two women she'd overheard this morning kept replaying itself inside her head, ruining any peace of mind she could have had with being so close to Shepard.

During the war, every moment they'd spent together has been precious, the looming threat of death hindering any thoughts of the future, forcing the both of them to live in the present. Now though, with the Reapers gone and the galaxy in a state of peace, more or less, she had to think about the future, _their_ future.

They'd live on Rannoch, a place far away from Shepard's own people and on a planet whose food he couldn't even eat. He'd be trapped by her immune systems limitations; he wouldn't be able to make love to her without first administering medication and sanitising himself. He wouldn't be able to see her face most of the time. He wouldn't be able to have children with her.

Even with all the sacrifices he'd made, still he would have to give up more. Because of her.

"That went well." he commented as they walked on, limping slightly. "The training, I mean."

She made an absent sound of agreement, bitter thoughts closing her throat and making it hard to speak.

He looked down at her tense form. "Something wrong?"

"No." she managed to get out, chest tight. Just looking at him hurt.

He came to a stop, pulling her with him. He turned to face her. "What's the matter?" he asked quietly, hands on her arms. She shook her head, feeling tears sting her eyes. She didn't want to talk to him, not now.

"Tali," he shook her gently. "Tell me. Please."

"Why did you pick me?" she whispered finally.

"What?"

She looked up into his blue eyes, his gaze worried. "Why did you pick me? You could've had anyone, could've had babies with them and be able to eat their food and kiss them whenever you wanted—"

"Tali, don't do this." he interrupted, shaking her again. "I've already told you—"

"That was before! I always thought we'd be dead after the war! Now we have our whole lives in front of us, and look at yours! You're with some frail quarian that sneezes every time you touch her! Whose food you can't eat, someone who can't ever start a family with you!"

A smile broke on his face. "I wasn't aware my life was so shitty."

"Stop joking! I'm serious! I—you... you deserve better—"

"What would happen," he began, sounding angry. "If you left me right now and married another quarian and had a dozen kids with him on Rannoch. Would you be happy?"

"No, but that's not the poi—"

"Yes it is! I'd be miserable I wasn't with you! Jesus, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't give a damn about how many _fertile_ women are out there. I want to be with you."

"But it won't ever be easy! You'll be married to a woman that would die if she wasn't in an envirosuit!"

He laughed incredulously. "God, you think I care? You think if I was with someone else that my life wouldn't have obstacles? I would have to deal with just as many problems, just as many ups and downs, with a human woman, or asari, or whatever! They'd only be different issues. The only _difference_ is that I want to make that commitment to _you_. Not anyone else, not matter how many babies they could have."

"I..." she trailed off, looking at him. His words had drained all her anger, all her doubt, the pressure in her chest finally lifting. His azure gaze was was bright in the setting sun, shadows casting a dark light on his features, and something inside her suddenly snapped. With her bitterness gone, something far more demanding replaced it, something that would not be bottled up.

She tore her mask off and slammed into him, mouth mating with his. They fell to the ground but she barely registered it, caught up in the taste of him.

"Ta—" she heard his weak protest and silenced it, grabbing either side of his head. His arms came around to circle her waist, mouth pressing hard into hers. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and she went crazy, tongue playing with his and hands roaming down his chest.

He rolled, pressing her into the spiky gravel, his knee pushing her legs apart. She moaned, the feel of his hard thigh against hers making her belly ache with need.

"We need... to get back... to the ship." he said, pulling away and breathing hard, but she didn't really hear him. The hard press of his body on top of hers and the heat of his skin through her suit made her squirm under him, thoughts muddled. Her hands tugged on the hem of his shirt and ran up the smooth muscle of his stomach.

"Tali..." he knew that she was going to get really sick if they stayed here, but her soft body squirming under him made it hard to think. Her hands roamed around, up his ribs, over his shoulders, down his back, her gloves creating a maddening friction. She bit his lip, pulling him down and kissing him again, legs nudging further apart and cradling his hips between her thighs.

He ran his tongue over her lip, hand sliding up her suit and arriving at her breast, squeezing. She moaned, legs rising to wrap around his waist—

"Shepard! Hey, Shepard!"

He tore away from her, landing rather ungracefully on his ass beside her, taking shuddering breaths.

Fuck. He knew who the voice belonged to. He grabbed Tali's mask and shoved it into her hands, which rose shakily to connect it back onto the rest of her helmet.

"Shepard!" the tiny voice was quite close now, to his left. He looked over to see Maddy running over to him, grin on her face.

"Hey, sir!"

"Hi... Maddy." he said, trying—and failing—to control his breathing.

"Why're ye on the ground? An' who's tha'?"

He took a deep breath, scrubbing at his face and shifting his leg to tactfully hide his aroused state.

"We... uh, fell." Technically not a lie. "And this is Tali." he said, gesturing over to her. She was sitting across from him, hands behind her and chest heaving. "Hello." she said breathlessly.

Maddy eyed the two for a moment, gaze suspicious. "What's amiss with the pair of ye? We're ye running?"

Shepard laughed. "Something like that. What is that you wanted, Maddy?"

"I just—" her eyes widened, and she looked over at Tali again. "Wait, I remember who ye are now!" she glanced over at Shepard. "She's your sweetheart, isn't she?"

He grinned. "Yeah, she is."

"I knew it! Ye're the woman from the picture! Ye're verra pretty."

Tali looked a little stunned at the compliment. "Thank you," she said nervously.

Maddy beamed, teeth white against rosy, freckled cheeks. "Anyway, I heard tha' the Normandy showed up a couple o' days ago an' I wanted tae see if ye'd gotten any o' yer friends back." the excitement in her voice made her accent thicker, and he saw Tali's head cock in confusion as her translator tried to keep up with the Irish girl's rapid brogue.

"Well," he gestured over to Tali. "I—"

"Can I see the Normandy?" she blurted, eyes widening and toes bouncing on the ground. "Please please please please!"

His eyes flicked over to Tali, their heated session far from forgotten. The look she gave him through her mask made his blood boil, and he swallowed.

"How about tomorrow, Maddy? I'm pretty tired. I'll give you a full tour then. I promise." he said, keeping his tone neutral.

Her shoulders fell a little in disappointment, but her smile didn't falter. "Okay. But I want to see everythin'!"

He grinned. "Deal."

Maddy beamed again and have him a brief hug. "I'm goin' hame noo. I'll see ye tomorrow mornin'!"

She skipped off towards her house, and when she was out of sight he fell onto the concrete, laughing.

Tali crawled over to him, giggling, pent up lust making them both giddy.

"Keelah, she's adorable. I can't understand what she says though."

"Her accent is pretty thick." he agreed. "Then again, so is yours."

She shifted, chin resting on his chest as she lay beside him. "Mmmm." her hands trailed down his chest, and he caught them before his brain stopped working.

"Are we clear, then? We'll move to Rannoch and adopt a dozen hypo-allergenic kids."

She laughed again, nodding. "Yes, we're clear. I won't bring it up again."

He kissed one of her palms. "Good. You're the only woman I'll ever be with, Tali. Now, let's get back to the ship before I tear your suit off."

* * *

About Shepard's butt. No, I don't care if you don't like hearing about sexy man buns, just sit down listen for a minute. I find it insulting that all the female characters of the ME universe have big booties and super-curves, and the guys all are left with flat asses.

But, if you're garbage at modding (like me) and play on console so you can't download mods for better butts (like me) and want Shepard's behind to look glorious, I suggest putting Armax Arsenal legs on him for his armour—his butt looks like a dream in them. I swear I downed half a dozen times the first time he wore it, I was so distracted.

Trust me. It's a good investment.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: No matter how fun it is writing fluff, it doesn't advance the plot all that much, so more serious stuff ahead.

More lemons as well, because people seem to want that. You and your dirty minds.

Also, this story has been seriously lacking some Garrus bromance, so this chapter is starting to make up for that.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Wake Up**

Tali felt a chill, and burrowed deeper into the blankets, still half asleep. Her mind wandered foggily, brain pleasantly slow with the grey of dreams.

She felt a shift behind her. Lips pressed against the skin of her shoulder and a hand slowly inched its way up her waist, coming to rest on one of her breasts.

She awoke more fully to find Shepard administering these attentions, and she snorted into the pillow. "John, _what_ are you doing?"

"Waking you up," he replied calmly, hand squeezing her breast. Her breath stuttered and she realised just how well this tactic was working.

"Too impatient to let me sleep in?" she replied, trying to form coherent thoughts.

"When you fall asleep naked on top of me it's hard not to be impatient." he put a hand to her shoulder, turning her to lie fully on her back, and he shifted so that he lay atop her, mouth moulding with hers. She felt a dull throb begin to form between her legs, and she fitted her body to his, skin tight against one another.

His hands brushed down her skin, fingers slowly moving towards their destination. She gasped when they brushed against her inner thigh, massaging the sensitive skin there and making her arch into him, tongue tracing the outline of his lips.

His fingers brushed over her core and she moaned, hips moving to allow him better access, legs parting. He spread the wetness of her over her folds, a finger slipping into her as he massaged her sex. She let out a gasp, nails digging into his back.

"Awake yet?" He murmured into her ear, teeth set on the lobe. His fingers stilled their movements as he waited for a response and she made an insistent sound.

"Keep moving, dammit!" she demanded, feeling the fiery ache low in her belly.

He laughed softly, complying. She moaned, hips moving in time with the motions of his hand, breath coming out in shallow gasps.

The pressure inside of her grew, demanding to be released. She could feel it building, and she bit his shoulder, hands clutching his skin as she tried to find something to hold onto against the storm that was forming inside of her.

Another finger slipped its way inside and she moaned loudly, pressing herself tight to him and rubbing her aching breasts against his chest. Close now, breathing ragged, her legs rose to try and wrap around his arm, but he moved a knee and kept her legs down, and that shift coupled with the quick movements of his fingers sent her over the edge, gasping and shuddering as she arched against his hand, breath escaping her in moans.

He held her until her spasms began to subside, and with a lingering caress withdrew his hand. His breathing was ragged and uneven, and his gaze held enough heat to make her skin warm once more. She smiled, eyes travelling the length of his muscled frame to see him in a very disadvantaged state.

She made a sound in her throat that made his skin shiver and she moved suddenly, pushing him away and onto his back, where she straddled him, eyes filled with promise.

"My turn."

* * *

Traynor munched on a bagel, skimming through her omni-tool for readouts of the Normandy. Because she was a techie, as Shepard had so officially dubbed her, she was assisting the engineers repairing the ship in getting some of the more intricate parts of communications back online.

Her omni-tool beeped and she looked down at the new message. It was Shepard's, as most of his emails had been forwarded first to her, telling him to come to the meeting that the Galactic Council was having this morning.

She commed his room. "Sir?"

"Yes, Traynor?" he sounded slightly out of breath and a little giddy, and she grinned.

"Is this a bad time, Commander?"

"Not at all, Specialist." his voice was more normal now, but it held an amused tone.

"Alright. Well, you've been called to a meeting with the Council that's starting soon."

She heard a muttered curse on the other end, and when his voice replied it was far less amused. "I'll be right down."

* * *

A couple of minutes later a grumpy Shepard walked into the Crew Deck, heading towards the coffee machine and pulling on the collar of his uniform, which was uncomfortably tight.

He activated the machine, fingers jerking at the high collar and swearing under his breath. Chakwas got up from her chair, giving him a sympathetic look. "Need help?"

He was about to decline, but thought better of it and gestured for her to fix the stupid thing. She undid a couple buttons, rearranging the collar to sit more comfortably. Her fingers brushed over a mark on his neck and she raised a steel-coloured brow. "Enjoying yourself, Commander?"

He grinned, imagining the faint track of teeth marks on his throat. "Not as much as Tali."

He heard Garrus make gagging noises from his place at the breakfast table, making James snort coffee.

She smacked his chest lightly. "No need to be vulgar."

"How was that—"

She gave him a stern look. "Because I said so. There. You're collar's fixed."

"You sound like my mother," he muttered, picking up his now-ready cup of coffee.

"You're welcome." she replied dryly, walking over to the table and eating the last of her breakfast.

"The meeting will be starting soon. I suggest you hurry." she said passingly as she entered the med-bay, doors closing softly behind her.

His mouth twisted and he took a swig of scalding coffee, tongue cringing at the bitter taste and hot temperature.

He opened his omni-tool and looked over his messages, then grinned when he read over his "invitation" to the meeting.

"We advise that you are also accompanied to this meeting by Officer Garrus Vakarian and Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, as their political opinions are respected by many species representatives and would be greatly appreciated in this hearing," he read allowed.

"Ugh," Garrus snorted. "Figures. I get dragged into hell with you again."

"What else were you planning on doing today, anyway? Calibrations?"

Garrus have him a look. "They're more important than you'd think. Besides, you don't know anything about tech. I can't expect you to understand the value of my work."

"I—"

A knock on the med-bay window, and he looked over to see Chakwas pointing to her wrist. _It's starting soon_.

He sighed, nodding to her. "Come on Vakarian. We can argue about your contributions to the ship later. As soon as Tali comes down we'll go."

* * *

Tali watched her fiancé, doing her best to stifle her laughter.

They'd been called to the Galactic Council Meeting right after breakfast, something that seemed irritate the hell out of Shepard.

He sat a couple seats down from her at the long table that housed many of the representatives from other species, a bored look on his face. She knew better, though, and could tell that he was listening intently, no matter how far away his expression may be.

Garrus had come as well, his friends in the Hierarchy demanding his attendance, though he seemed about as happy at the fact as Shepard did.

They were discussing the new Council, and by the way everyone spoke it was clear that this subject had been talked about before. Beside her sat Raan, sitting quietly and simply observing, as she usually did.

Shepard blew out a breath, and a couple of people turned to look at him. "We don't need a government at the moment, we need to rebuild. This," he gestured around him, "will be able to govern civilians just fine for now."

"What do you suggest we focus on instead, Shepard?" Hackett asked, cutting off one of the Admiral's likely negative interjection.

"A trading program of some sort—"

"Trading? We're already trading whatever supplies we can, Commander." A dark skinned Admiral interrupted.

"If you'd let me finish, I wasn't talking about supplies."

That got the man's attention, as well as everyone else's in the room.

"Trade workers, specialists. Earth needs heavy lifters to clear rubble. One krogan can lift what it would take three humans to—"

Wrex snorted. "Five, at the least. You humans give yourself too much credit."

Shepard grinned at him, but continued on. "What it would take five humans to accomplish. So, we get the assistance of krogan, and in return we give Wrex human workers, ones that have to deal with delicate tasks or cramped areas that krogan can't access. Or quarians," he gestured to Tali, a slight smile on his face. "They're damn good engineers. We have a couple of them fix our comms, computer systems, whatever, and in return we assist them with architecture and farming."

"What about the asari? The turians?" Sparatus—who had arrived on Earth with the rest of the Council not too long ago—asked.

"That was only a couple of examples. Everyone needs the help of everyone. We do this, and it strengthens ties between races and will cement some of the... newer alliances made in the war." he said, eyes flicking between Wrex and Primarch Victus, who was also present.

"That is a bold proposal, Commander. Do you think that other races will simply drop what they're doing to help others? We need to build our own cities back up, too." Victus said, looking doubtful.

Tali could see his blood pressure rising, and she muted her helmet and let out a tiny laugh, unable to contain her amusement. The laugh quickly turned into a cough and she sighed. Her passionate encounter with Shepard in the rubble, however brief, had left her with the quarian equivalent of a bad cold. Having sex with Shepard this morning hadn't helped either, although she certainly had enjoyed it.

"That's my point. If we all drop what we're doing to go help each other, our cities will all be rebuilt, but more efficiently. We just have to figure out where each species would be most effective in the rebuilding process."

"What about conflict? The krogan and turians have only now managed to put their differences aside to help one another. And humans and batarians have had a strained relationship at best, especially since you decided to blow up one of their colonies." one of the human Admirals—a dark skinned man named Dwahan—said, his tone dripping with disapproval at the state of interspecies political relations.

Shepard's hands balked into fists on the surface of the smooth wooden desk, knuckles white.

"I did what I had to. And I never said that this would go along without a hitch. This is a huge change for everyone; conflict is to be expected. But it is also to be expected that the leaders of each race be as accommodating and helpful as possible."

Everyone began talking at once.

"I don't want krogan on—"

"This can't possibly—"

"It's ridiculous to think—"

The doubts and racism of each species boiled up, coming out in one huge storm. Shepard slammed his hands down on the wood, silencing everyone. His eyes flared an icy blue, his voice enraged.

"Arrogant! Every damn one of you! You think that now that the war is over we can all go back to hating each other? You're going to be so damn narrow-minded that you think that we don't need everyone's help? We're all going to live in ruins until we start looking around and helping our neighbours! You want to walk outside and say to a family that's living in a tent, starving and freezing because their home went up in flames, that you've got it under control and don't need any help? There are people *dying* in the streets because we don't have our shit together." his eyes flicked around, making sure to meet each person's gaze.

"You either accept the fact that we can't do this on our own, or you watch your civilians—the very people who elected you—die because you were too proud to ask the help of others."

No one said anything for a long moment, all too shocked at the dose of reality being force fed to them to speak.

Hackett spoke up finally, respect clear in his eyes. "I'm willing to send specialists to any that need them."

"The krogan will need help for smaller tasks, as Shepard said." Wrex replied.

"The quarians need architects. We need homes now, after all." Tali added, smiling at Shepard.

"Wishfully: The elcor need biotics to help move building materials on Dekuna." The elcor representative supplied monotonously.

One by one, the races began to ask for help. Some were grudging, some muttered into their cup of coffee, but everyone asked. And no one complained.

* * *

"Stubborn son of a bitch. I don't know how you do that." Hackett muttered, watching the reps of each species begin to file out.

"A moment, Shepard?" he called, and the Commander turned from the door, nodding. He noticed that Tali'Zorah stayed as well, and his lips tugged faintly. They hid their relationship well, but Hackett wasn't blind, either.

When everyone was gone besides Shepard, Tali'Zorah, and Hannah, the Commander spoke up.

"Yes, sir?"

"I'd like to thank you—"

Shepard waved a hand. "You don't have to thank me. I just made them realise what they already knew."

"That's just it. I wasn't sure how to do that. Then you come in and yell at everyone and suddenly there's a lineup of people scrambling to help one another."

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. "It was nothing, sir. Anything else?"

The man couldn't take a compliment, it seemed. Hackett studied the man for a moment, wondering. If Shepard were in a high political position, the galaxy would be a much easier place to live in. Although the Commander had a blatant disregard for rules if he believed that they didn't suit him, the man was intelligent. So were many of the political reps, but the difference was that Shepard did not hide what needed to be seen, and did not beat around the bush.

Yes, if Shepard was ever in a place of high political power, his ability to lead would be a game changer.

But could Hackett do that to the man? Ask him to take a position that he would hate? He'd intended on asking Shepard to join the ranks of the Admirals, but if he did, he would not be happy. The man would probably want to settle down, have a home and family, not waste his hours away in political debates.

Would Hackett ask the man to give up his happiness for the greater good of the galaxy once again?

"Sir?" Shepard asked, looking slightly confused, and the Admiral snapped out of his thoughts.

"No, Commander. Nothing at all."

* * *

"I should attend these things more often," Garrus commented when Tali and Shepard exited the conference room, leaning casually on the wall. "They're even more entertaining than vids. And I have to pay for those."

"I wouldn't call them entertaining. More like infuriating." Shepard muttered, walking down the long hallway that led outside, glancing out the windows they passed.

Garrus chuckled. "For you, maybe. I, on the other ha—" The turian had stopped dead in his tracks, sentence dying on plated lips.

Shepard and Tali looked at him, confused. "Garrus?" She asked hesitantly.

He was staring at something with an unreadable expression, and Shepard followed his line of sight, blinking in shock at what he saw.

It was Sidonis.

The turians stared at one another, both still as stone. Sidonis was in civilian garb, his plated features likewise unreadable. The turian's mandibles twitched nervously. "Garrus," he said by way of greeting.

Garrus said nothing, simply staring at the other turian, who shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of his gaze.

"What are you doing here?" Garrus said finally, voice swollen with suppressed emotion.

"Helping, as I said I would. I came here with Councilor Sparatus, and I'm helping him coordinate the rehabilitation of turian colonies."

Garrus stared at him for a long moment, barely daring to even breathe. His expression reminded Shepard of a velociraptor, his hawk-like features and predatory stance chillingly similar. Then something flashed in his eyes, something that made Shepard lunge towards him.

"Garrus, d—"

Garrus launched himself at Sidonis, or at least tried to. Shepard barrelled into him, the pair of them slamming into the opposite wall.

The turian pushed against him, struggling furiously to reach his target. Shepard shoved back, shoulder to his chest and pinning him to the wall. His talons raked down his arm, long gashes remaining.

"Stop! Jesus, stop!" he grunted, arms straining to keep the snarling turian restrained. What was in his friend's gaze was not even remotely sapient, small eyes twitching with feral anger, the need to hunt and kill.

Garrus shoved him away, sending him stumbling back. Tali caught him, worry in her silvery gaze.

"Where is he?" His friend growled, stalking the length of the hallway, head snapping at every small sound. Sidonis was nowhere to be seen. The man had likely fled as soon as Garrus had moved.

"He's gone." Shepard replied stonily, touching the bloody gashes down his arm.

"Come with me." he said flatly, taking a hold of Garrus' arm and dragging him outside.

"What—"

"Shut up."

Tali hurried over, giving him a worried look. "Where are you going?"

"The warehouse. Go back to the ship."

"But—"

"Go."

She gave him one more anxious look, but finally nodded and left, walking towards the docking bays.

* * *

He shoved his friend into the warehouse they'd be using for training, flicking the lights on. Shepard motioned for Garrus to sit on one of the benches, which he did so silently.

"Stay there," he ordered, walking a little ways away and activating his comm.

"Tali."

"How is he?" she responded instantly.

"He's... breathing." he finished lamely. "Look, what's the strongest alcohol we have on the ship that he can drink?"

"I'll have to check, but I'm assuming you want me to bring a bottle?"

"That would be great." closing the comm, he walked over towards one of the small storage closets, reaching into a drawer from a cabinet and coming up with boxing tape. He wrapped it methodically around his knuckles, first his good hand, then his crippled one. Sparring would probably hurt like a bitch, but it was something that needed to be done.

He walked back towards his friend, coming to stop on a small mat on the ground. Grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt, he stripped it off and threw it on the bench, wincing as the movement burned at the gashes on his arm.

"What are you doing?" Garrus said warily.

"We're going to beat the shit out of each other. Now stand up."

His friend complied, taking the tape from him. "Shepard, I'm sor—"

"Don't."

"I have to. I shouldn't... I spared Sidonis before to teach him a lesson, to make sure he suffered, but... I never figured that I'd run into him again."

His friend unhooked the top half of the armour that seemed to be a second skin to him, slowly placing the pieces on the bench.

"It would've been so much easier," Garrus began. "So much easier if he never admitted that he'd done something wrong. Then he could just be some asshole that I could put a bullet in. But how do you hate someone who regrets what they did?" armour off, he peeled away the underweave of the suit's fabric.

"How do you hate someone who tries to make up for their mistakes? How do you kill them?"

"You don't."

Garrus looked up at his friend, expression unreadable. "Or you do. That's your choice, Garrus. You just have to figure out if the person you're killing is truly bad, or a good person who made a horrible mistake."

"He's... I don't know. He's a coward, and his loyalty can be bought with fear." he stepped in front of Shepard, top half now uncovered by his usual blue armour plating.

"But he was good enough to risk his life to help innocent people on Omega. I don't know. Dammit, why can't everything be black and white?"

Shepard stepped into an easy fighting stance, fists held at the ready. "Come on. Punch me."

The turian mirrored his stance, snapping a jab at his friend. Shepard blocked with a forearm, returning with a cross to the turian's midsection. Garrus easily dodged it, throwing a hook at Shepard and catching him in the ribs, making him grunt. "Careful. I broke those."

"Baby," Garrus muttered, swinging another punch, this one at Shepard's head. He ducked, slamming a fist into the turian's collarbone, gritting his teeth as his crippled hand crunched against plated skin.

"You sure this is a good idea?" his friend asked, eyeing him as he hissed through his teeth in pain, pulling his left hand closer to his body.

"What, scared I'll beat you?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"No, I'm scared that if I punch you hard enough you'll break into a million pieces and then I'll have to answer to Tali."

He chuckled. "Now that would be something to see. And I'm fine. I've worked with worse injuries."

"Fine. Just make sure Tali knows it wasn't my fault." he replied, fist snapping towards Shepard.

He watched Garrus as they sparred. Although he'd been cracking jokes, he could see the angry glint in the man's eyes, and the way he seemed to hold back the power in his punches, the effort to restrain his rage drawing his crusted features together.

That restraint wouldn't help Garrus. It was time to get his friend angry.

Shepard dodged a punch, slamming his fist into the turian's face. Not waiting for him to recover, he swung a hook into his midsection, then a quick jab in the chest.

Garrus staggered, eyes flaring. He swung back, fist connecting with Shepard's abdomen, his punch far more powerful than it had been moments before.

His breath whooshed out of him, but Garrus wasn't finished. A cross to the shoulder, then the chest. A fist slammed against his cheek, hard enough to make his vision blur. He staggered, another taloned fist connecting with his jaw, the other his stomach again.

He stumbled back, stars winking in front of his eyes and his lungs straining for the oxygen that had been forced out of them. A knee slammed into his stomach, his body now completely lacking air. A fist crunched into his nose, and he felt the cartilage snap.

Shepard threw his shoulder forward, smashing into the turian's chest, shoving him back. He sent a return knee into Garrus, mandible crunching under his fist.

Garrus lashed out, firing punches so quickly all Shepard could do was block. Adrenaline surged into his veins and anger flared, only barely keeping up with the barrage. He tasted blood as it trickled from his nose, and then a fist slammed into his face once more, ensuring a black eye and knocking him on his ass.

He flexed the neural implant in the back of his head, throwing a hand at Garrus and shoving the turian down with a biotic push.

Garrus no longer a threat, he collapsed onto the mat, sweat pouring off of him and chest heaving. He wiped at his nose but that had little effect, the blood running freely down his face and onto the mat.

"Keelah, what were the two of you doing?" he heard the warehouse door open and the sound of Tali's incredulous voice, and she put the bottle in her hand down and ran over to Shepard, brushing her fingers over his bruised visage. "Your face—"

"I'm alright." he grunted, sitting up and wiping at his nose again. He saw Garrus sitting a little ways away from him, hand gingerly touching his broken mandible.

"Garrus?" He asked.

"I'm fine." he replied, taloned fingers coming away stained with blue blood.

"Idiots." Tali muttered, taking a cloth from one of her many pockets and handing it to Shepard. "Keep that on your nose." she gestured, and he wiped again, careful not to touch the splintered cartilage.

She walked over to Garrus, inspecting his injuries. "The pair of you are coming with me to see Chakwas."

"Tali—"

"Now." she said, tone steely.

He grinned, ignoring the tearing of his split lip. She'd certainly come a long way from the shy, nervous quarian he'd met years ago. Now she was making demands of the man who'd defeated the Reapers and giving him a "why do you do stupid shit like this?" look.

He rose heavily to his feet, pain radiating throughout a dozen cuts and bruises. He walked over, offering a hand to Garrus, who took it.

"Feeling better?"

"Much." Garrus grinned, blood marking up the right side of his face. "I always enjoy knocking you on your ass."

"Men." Tali breathed, and he could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "Come on. Before you get blood all over the mats."

* * *

"Fuck!"

He jerked away from Chakwas' hand, clutching his face. The bloody woman had taken one look at his crooked nose, and with a quick flick of her fingers had snapped it back in place.

Garrus snickered from the bed next to him and he glared at the turian through watering eyes.

"There. Now that should set fairly quickly if you don't touch it. Unless you want me to put a splint—"

"No."

She shook her head. "I thought as much. Now let me look at your hand."

He offered his crippled appendage to her, and she inspected the broken, bloody knuckles of his left hand, frowning.

"I *will* have to put something on your hand. You've broken two of the knuckles. Good Lord, what were you two doing?"

"Sparring," Garrus supplied, then winced as his broken mandible twitched with movement.

"Well that's good. I thought you were just trying to kill each other."

Moving over to gather some equipment, he spotted Tali leaning against one of the counters, arms crossed and giving him an amused look, chuckling to herself.

"What's so funny?"

"You two. One minute you're beating each other senseless, then the next you're helping each other up and making stupid jokes."

He grinned at Garrus. "I haven't had the chance to beat the shit out of you in a while, so I thought I'd liven things up."

"I appreciate the sentiment," The turian replied dryly, hand hovering around his broken mandible.

The overhead comm beeped and Joker's voice echoed in the small room. "Uh, Commander? There's a couple of little people standing outside the airlock."

He stopped himself from smacking his forehead. "Shit. I forgot about Maddy and Ian. Send them aboard Joker, and make sure they get to Deck Three."

* * *

"What's wrong wi' your face?"

"Maddy!"

Shepard laughed, staring at the two MacLaine kids, who were standing in the mess hall staring at his bruised visage with open interest, though Ian had the tact to at least not blurt out his thoughts.

"Sparring got a little out of hand." he said, looking over his shoulder at the closed med-bay doors. Chakwas had bandaged his hand and slathered medi-gel on his scathed arm, and had promptly shoved him outside. Garrus was still in there, grumbling as she put his face back together.

Maddy was already bored of the news, eyes brightening as she moved to the reason they were here. "Can I see th' ship now?"

He chuckled. "Of course. Let's start on Deck One, shall we?"

* * *

I guess you've noticed that I haven't been updating almost daily like I usually do, and I apologise for that. However, Life being the Giant Bitch that it tends to be, I've been ridiculously bust as of late, so the update pattern probably won't increase for a while yet.

And more crew interactions. I keep intending to write it but then I get sidetracked and well... this chapter is a product of my inability to focus. But it WILL be written.

Next chapter will be the tour. I was going to put it in here but the word count got ridonkulous, so I chopped it.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: So I finally stopped being lazy and wrote in some crew interactions, which was quite fun to do. This chapter is a little short, but it sets up the next one, which gets the plot ball rolling again.

So anyway, happy reading, and tell me what you think!

* * *

**Chapter 12: Career Paths**

Tali watched Shepard show the two kids around the shuttle bay, who were both wide-eyed at the sight of weapons, armour, and military vehicles.

The tour had gone quite well, and was an experience that made it difficult for Tali to not burst into laughter every five minutes.

On Deck One, Maddy had pressed her face up against the fish tank, informing the Commander that it wasn't a good idea to have fish on a warship in the usual expert tone that children adopt when telling an adult what's what, to which Shepard replied that he would take her advice quite seriously, shooting a grin at Tali.

After managing to get Maddy to stop jumping on the bed, they'd moved down to the CIC. Maddy had sat in the empty pilot seat beside Joker, who was grumpily directing engineers on how to fix "his" ship. She pressed as many buttons as she could before being yelled at by the pilot, but she seemed indifferent to any scolding. She and Ian had stood on the Galaxy Map's small platform, both of them striking a commanding pose, which had made Traynor collapse in a fit of laughter.

Next they went to the Crew Deck, where Maddy opened every cupboard in the kitchen, the crew watching with an amused expression. A warship rarely housed children, and the sight of one exploring the Normandy was a unique experience indeed.

They went into the med-bay, where Chakwas showed them some equipment and told them about some of the more outrageous injuries she'd had to patch up during their campaign against the Reapers. They stopped by the Main Battery, where Garrus began to explain what he did in there all the time, but Maddy quickly stopped listening and began to climb around the guns, earning a death glare from both Garrus and her brother for messing up the turian's work period. Garrus was usually easy going, but if someone disrupted his calibrations he seemed to acquire his old stick up the ass.

Next was Engineering, where Tali took over as Shepard was at a loss as to how much of the ship operated. She showed them the consoles and the guts of the Normandy, the grand finale being the Drive Core, which made the pair of them stare at the glowing orb in awe.

Now they were on Deck Five, where Ian lost his calm aura and began to excitedly ask about all the different weapons and combat gear stowed around the armoury.

She heard the elevator open behind her, and someone came to stand beside her, watching the spectacle before them.

"Can you tell me how my son has managed to look like he just escaped a dog fight?"

Tali jumped a little, realising that it was Hannah. She supposed that was a good thing—Tali had been meaning to talk to the woman anyway; now seemed as good a time as any. Still, the thought made her nervous. She hardly knew Shepard's mother, and Hannah held herself with the same easy confidence and somewhat intimidating appearance that her son did, though there was a touch of warmth in her azure gaze.

"Tali?"

She was startled out of her thoughts, mouth trying to push her entire sentence out at once. "He sort of got into a fight with Garrus but it isn't serious they don't usually fight like this but something came up that—"

The woman patted her arm, stilling her verbal diarrhoea, for which Tali was grateful. "Relax, honey. This isn't an interrogation."

"Sorry," she murmured. "I just—can I talk to you?"

"Of course." she said warmly.

Her hands began to knot themselves as she spoke haltingly. "Well... do you... have any problems about—about Shepard and I? I mean, we're getting married and you barely even know me."

"But it seems that John certainly does." Hannah replied, and Tali looked at her. "I can see how much he loves you, and he tends to hide that kind of thing pretty well. Bastard is far too introverted for his own good."

Tali laughed. "He is," she agreed. She couldn't count the number of times that he'd hid his doubts or fears in order to keep the crew confident. "But, what about you? Are you... okay with it?"

Hannah smiled at her. "As long as he's happy and you're good to him, I'm okay with it."

"You don't care that I'm a quarian?"

Hannah laughed. "I'm not the one marrying you, am I? The only person that should care about what race you are is John, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't."

It was Tali's turn to laugh, but it held little humour. "Keelah, I wish you'd met my father. Maybe you could've knocked some sense into him."

"He wouldn't approve?"

She snorted. "He probably would've tried to shoot John. Not because Shepard is a bad person or anything," she continued hastily when she saw Hannah's raised brow. "But because he isn't some stuffy Admiral. Or a quarian. Or even a technician, for that matter."

Hannah laughed. "His mother is a stuffy Admiral, though. I'm sure that has to count for something."

"I didn't mean—I mean... I'm not saying—"

"Slow down. I'm just kidding." she said gently.

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just... I didn't know what to expect. About you, I mean."

"I suppose meeting the Saviour of the Galaxy's mother for the first time would be a little intimidating." Hannah said, smiling a little, which Tali shyly returned.

"What about Admiral Raan? You two seem close. Have you told her?"

"Not yet, but she probably knows about Shepard and I anyway. I don't think she'd have a problem with it."

"Any other family?" Hannah asked delicately. She saw the eyes behind the mask darken slightly.

"Just the Normandy crew. My mother died when I was little, and my father was killed in a geth experiment." she shook her head, voice bitter. "Such a stupid waste. If he'd held off for just another year, he'd be standing on Rannoch right now." she laughed a little. "Maybe he would've liked John better if he'd seen him reclaim our world from the geth."

Hannah smiled. "I remember getting the word about that. 'Commander Shepard reclaims the quarian homeworld from the geth.' Now I see what his motivation was." she added, grinning at Tali.

She blushed. "I suppose I may have been a part of that."

Hannah touched her arm. "You seem like a good person, Tali. I'd like to get to know you better." she said, a little shyly.

"Me too."

A fit of giggles echoed in the Shuttle Bay, and they both looked over to see Maddy's freckled face covered by an oversized Alliance helmet, red curls sticking out of the bottom. Shepard looked to be trying his best not to laugh, lips twitching furiously.

"Th' Great Maddy MacLaine, Saviour o' the Citadel!" she yelled, running around Shepard, who finally burst into laughter.

* * *

"Keelah, she's adorable." Tali whispered, walking away from the MacLaine house, arm and arm with Shepard. They'd walked the two kids back to their mother, who thanked them for returning them safely and letting them tour the ship.

Maddy had insisted that she keep the helmet, which Shepard let her. The girl had hugged him goodbye, and Ian had shook his hand, eyes excited with everything that he'd just seen. Then, surprising Tali, Maddy had latched her arms around her waist.

"Ye should marry Shepard. He doesna seem quite sae sad wi' you around." she had said, grinning up at Tali.

Shepard had rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks warming as he told her to go inside already.

She smiled as she remembered it, hugging Shepard's arm a little more tightly. "She's certainly something." he agreed.

"Do you know anything about that scar she has?" Tali asked. She'd noticed the jagged tissue running down the girl's cheek as soon as she'd seen her, but Tali hadn't wanted to ask about it.

Shepard nodded, sobering. "The Reapers. They attacked their home, killed their father."

She felt her chest tighten with empathy. She knew all too well what it was like to lose a parent to an ancient enemy.

Shepard suddenly stumbled, shoulder bumping into a nearby building. He hissed in pain, hand clutching at his knee.

"Are you alright? Where's your cane?" she asked, anxiety flaring. He was leaning heavily against the wall, teeth gritted.

"Fine. My knee locked, is all. I just did too much today."

She didn't bother mentioning that it wasn't even lunch time and he was already crippled—the look on his face told her that he'd figured that out. He slid down the wall, coming to sit painfully on the ground, his legs carefully stretched out in front of him.

She sat down beside him, handing resting on his bad leg, which was slightly bent. "You _have_ been pretty busy since the Normandy got here. You'll just have to slow down a little."

He sighed, rubbing his face. "Jesus, I don't want to. I'm tired of not being able to move." he looked over at her, blue eyes dark. "If I had to run to save your life right now, I couldn't do it. I can't... God, you don't know how much that bothers me." he snorted suddenly. "Not bother. What a dumb word. I absolutely _hate_ it. My whole life has been built on protecting the people that I love, and now I can't even do that."

"You're an idiot."

He looked at her, a little surprised at the sudden insult. "What?"

"You heard me," she said, anger flaring. "You push and push yourself until you can barely move, then get angry because you can't do your job. Just calm down for a minute. You won't be able to heal if you keep stressing your body to its limits. Besides, when the medical facilities and equipment become available, you'll be able to get your hand and leg fixed."

"Maybe, but even then I won't have complete functionality. I'll still get stiff, and my bones will still hurt. I probably wouldn't even pass specs to get into the Alliance anymore."

"Keelah, so what? No one's asking you to save the galaxy again; you've already done that." she wrapped her arms around him, visor pressing into his shoulder. "Just relax, and get better, okay?"

He laughed, hand brushing down the veil covering her head. "I may need a little help with the relaxing part."

"Oh no. I'm sick enough already. You'll have to wait." she said. As if in answer to her voiced thoughts, she sneezed.

He laughed. "I think that's the first time you've refused to have sex with me."

"Egotistical jackass," she muttered. "Come on," she began, getting to her feet and offering him a hand. "I haven't had any proper breakfast yet."

"Ask nicely and I might."

"Fine. Get up by yourself." she said, raising a challenging brow and crossing her arms.

"You're evil, woman."

* * *

"Hungry?" Hannah asked her son, amused. He was practically inhaling his food, a concentrated look on his face. He looked up from his plate, swallowing.

"Beating the shit out of people is hard work. Especially ugly turians." John said, grinning.

Garrus began to argue with him about who was harder to fight, and she smiled down at her food. Hannah had decided to eat breakfast with her son and his crew, which was always a far more interesting experience than a quiet meal aboard the Orizaba.

She looked around the table at his crew, who were probably the oddest group of people she'd ever seen.

Kasumi was whispering conspiratorially to Tali, and whatever she was talking about had the girl squirming uncomfortably in her seat. Jack, Grunt and Zaeed seemed to be in a deep conversation about the training session that they'd all be participating in tomorrow, and what moves they should teach the students first.

The asari, Liara, was talking quietly to a Prothean—whose very presence boggled Hannah's mind—named Javik, who had a stern expression on his alien features.

Kaiden, Cortez and Jacob were listening to a dirty joke that James was telling, faces switching from amusement to disgust and back again with the flow of the story.

Miranda was working quietly on her omni-tool, a slight frown on her face. The woman never seemed to stop working, even among friends.

Samara was speaking to Chakwas, face serene and calm. The three engineers were discussing the repairs that needed to be made to the Normandy.

All in all, John's crew appeared quite happy, and not for one second did they ever seem to take notice of the difference in race, gender or colour, making Hannah's smile widen. John has not only gained their loyalty, but had completely erased any racial barriers within the ship, leaving everyone as equals. A thought suddenly came to her.

"What will you do now, John?"

He broke away from his argument with Garrus, a frown forming on his bruised features. "What do you mean?"

"With the Normandy." she said, gesturing around her to the ship. "You'll want to settle down, won't you?"

His brows drew together, thinking. "I hadn't really thought about it."

"Don't give it over to the Alliance," Joker said. "They'll turn it into some cheap-ass museum attraction and I'll have to give people tours. As in, sticky children and obnoxious civilians wanting to touch everything."

Shepard chuckled. "I wouldn't want any obnoxious civilians damaging your ship, Joker." he scratched his chin, pulling on the short hairs that covered his jaw. "I don't know. It'd be a shame to ground her. The Normandy's still a beautiful ship." he got up, collecting his plate and dumping it into the sink. She noticed his limp and frowned, but didn't say anything.

"I suppose I could hand her over to you, Garrus." he said finally, leaning on the counter.

The turian's mandibles twitched in surprise, and he hissed a little at the movement of the broken one. "Me? Why?"

"What the hell do you mean, why? You're basically my XO—even if you don't do any paperwork—and the way the Council has been talking I'm pretty sure they're going to make you a Spectre. Why not give you the best ship for that? Unless you want to hang up your guns too." he added.

Garrus shook his head. "No, I... no. I'm not ready to retire just yet. But... this is your ship. It would feel wrong taking her over."

John smiled, shrugging. "I can't command the Normandy and live on Rannoch at the same time. Someone will have to take over and I can't think of anyone better than you."

"I..." the turian shook his head, laughing. "Just feels weird, is all. No more suicide missions or saving the galaxy."

John grinned. "I've had my share of that. I'd like to relax now."

"What's your plan, anyway?" Kaidan asked. "What'll you do?"

"Well, as soon as the Normandy's fixed we'll fly everybody home—if they want to go, anyway. Then Tali and I'll head to Rannoch and—"

"Build a mansion!" Kasumi finished, grinning. "Which I'll help you decorate, of course. I can't expect a soldier and an engineer to know anything about interior decorating."

He laughed. "Maybe not a mansion. Besides, I'll have to get my pay check from Hackett first."

"How much is he giving you?" Liara asked.

"He doesn't know, really. It's sort of difficult to put a price on what we all pulled off. But I'll likely get my regular pay plus a handsome bonus. However, he can't give me anything until he gets the money. The galaxy is so strapped for cash right now that he can't afford to be handing out millions of credits. Maybe I could get a job until that happens."

"How about being a dance coach?" James suggested, making the occupants of the table snicker.

He gave the lieutenant a look. "Very funny."

"Good thing the Reapers didn't have to be defeated in a dance off. We'd all be screwed." Garrus said, laughing.

"Or a drag race. With Shepard driving, we'd be dead right now." Kaidan added, grinning.

John had an affronted look on his face. "I'm not bad at driving. I caught Vasir in that car chase with Liara."

"And almost slammed into a truck." she added.

"And what about the Mako?" Tali asked before John could add in his defence, giggling. "I get nauseous just thinking about it."

"Have you tried to _drive_ a Mako? Piece of shit can barely drive in a straight line."

"Maybe with you at the wheel."

The ensuing argument had Hannah holding her sides with laughter.

* * *

"Nice view."

Shepard looked up, seeing Garrus walking over to him.

The sun was setting, and he had decided to step out and get some fresh air, leaning against the wall of a small bridge that he'd come across.

Miranda had had him do more exercises today, and his leg was horribly sore. Still, he'd wanted to be somewhere quiet to collect his thoughts.

Garrus leaned on the wall beside him, quiet for a while. "Do you really want to hand the ship over to me?" he asked finally.

Shepard nodded. "I do. She's a great ship, and giving her to some random Alliance officer seems wrong."

"Just feels like I'm taking your place over. What you've done for all of us... no one can replace that, or compete with it."

"I'm not asking you to. But you're a good leader, and the crew knows and trusts you. I don't exactly know who'll all be staying on the ship, but I'm sure some will stay."

Garrus grunted, but didn't say anything. They stared at the setting sun, the water running under the bridge tinkling quietly.

"Are you going to be okay? About Sidonis, I mean?" Shepard asked.

The turian sighed. "I don't know. I thought that I was done with the whole mess, but as soon as I saw him I..." he trailed off. "I wanted to kill him. Not just for what he did, but the fact that he was sorry about it. When I imagined seeing him I'd always thought that he'd deny his involvement or say that he didn't regret anything. I was ready to shoot him and then he pipes up and says that he can barely live with himself." he shrugged, spreading his hands. "Like I said before, I hate grey. I never know what to do with it."

"I don't know what to tell you, Garrus. But I think... I think you did the right thing, not killing him. He tries to make up for what he did, and still gets punished for it just by breathing. There are far worse punishments than death, after all."

"I suppose you're right." he sighed again. "Don't worry. If I see him again... I'll restrain myself."

"And if you can't, I can always beat you up again." Shepard said, grinning.

Garrus chuckled. "Something I always look forward to." he looked over at his friend. "I'm glad you're alive, and that we're here. Tali... she's doing a lot better. We all are."

He smiled. "So am I."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: So I was going to say something horribly immature about the fact that this story had 69 reviews, but I'm bigger than that.

Hehehe... big.

Anyway, on a more intellectual note, the plot has once again re-surfaced, so your teeth can stop rotting from all the fluff I've been putting in. Bit of a short chapter, but next one'll make up for that.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Let's Go**

Tali felt giddy.

The Normandy was almost completely fixed up by now, and soon they would be heading to Rannoch.

_Rannoch_.

The first time she'd set foot on her people's world, a sense of awe had washed through her. She had seen the dust that covered her ancestors' bones, seen the plants and animals that had sustained her race for countless years. The plains where clans fought battles and made peace and traded and made love. Where children had grown up and seen the world without a mask in the way.

And now her people had it back. They could continue the struggles and joys of life with their feet firmly planted on the earth. And that was all because of Shepard.

A smile was brought to her face at the thought of him. He'd only left four hours ago and she already missed him. She was stuck in Engineering to help finalise the repairs and he was out teaching the very last training class that they would participate in. She felt a little silly about her separation anxiety, but the thought of now being able to spend the rest of her life with John on Rannoch made her chest almost hurt with joy.

This was it. What they had worked so hard for. They were finally going to be able to relax and have a home that didn't fly around the galaxy with guns strapped to its hull. They didn't have to shoot people or get injured or make difficult decisions. Their hard-won freedom left her feeling incredibly light.

"Uh, Tali? What're ye doin' wi' that capacitor?" Donnelly's voice dragged her away from her thoughts, and she suddenly realised that she'd been standing in the middle of the deck staring at the wall.

"O-oh, right. Here," she handed it to him and walked over towards the drive core, pulling up her omni-tool.

_Get your head out of the clouds. The sooner you get this done the sooner you'll be on Rannoch_.

* * *

Shepard scrubbed the last of the water from himself with a towel, walking over to his dresser and pulling pants on.

He'd finished the last training session with their "students" with the help of Garrus, James, Jacob and Kaidan. Now he had to go talk to Hackett about their imminent leave of Earth, something that filled him with anticipation.

He threw on a t-shirt and exited the cabin, grabbing his cane as he did so. It made him feel weak to use it, but the fact that if he didn't he'd be crippled within two hours has forced him to succumb. The threats from Tali about taking care of himself were good motivators as well.

He stepped out of the ship, heading towards the Admirals' offices. When he got there, he knocked quietly in the door and waited for it to open. It whooshed open silently a moment later, and he saw Hackett staring out of the big windows that completely covered one wall.

Hackett turned, nodding to him. "Commander. I have a feeling I know what this is about."

Shepard smiled faintly. "The Normandy's ready, sir. We'll be leaving very soon."

Hackett nodded again. "I've something to give you before that happens, then." he reached into his pocket and walked over to Shepard, handing him a small piece of plastic. He looked down in his palm and realised that it was a credit chit.

"There's four million credits on it." Hackett said, then held up a hand to stop his protests. "Every race has chipped in. It's hardly anything to give you compared to what you've accomplished, Shepard, but I'm afraid that's all the galaxy can spare at the moment."

"I... thank you, sir. I'll spend it wisely."

"I know you will." Hackett clapped a hand on his shoulder, eyes meeting his.

"Thank you, Commander. For all that you've done. You've put up with enough shit through this war to paint a building. It's high time the galaxy returns the favour." he said, lips tugging up at the corners.

He laughed. "I'm not sure what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything."

* * *

He looked at his crew, all of them gathered at the entrance of the Normandy's airlock outside the docking bay. "Alright, listen up. We'll be leaving shortly and I want to know where all of you are going. We'll be headed to Rannoch, but we'll fly anyone wherever they want to go if you don't want to stick around." he raised a brow, waiting.

"I'll be staying here, Loco." James said, breaking the silence. "Earth's a mess right now and I wanna stay and help."

"I'm staying too." Jack said. "My students are here and they'd be lost without me."

"Would you look at that." Zaeed remarked. "Psycho bitch's become a goody-goody teacher."

Her fists glowed and Shepard raised his voice before a fight could break out. "What about everyone else?"

"I won't delay you, Shepard." Wrex spoke up. "I'll take a shuttle back to Tuchanka."

"And I will too." Grunt added, nodding his massive head.

"I'm heading to Omega." Zaeed said in his gravely tones. "Collect some money I've been owed. Maybe then I'll buy a nice apartment and relax, even. But I won't keep you and your girlfriend, either. I'll catch my own ride."

"I will find my way to Lesuss, Commander. I wish to spend time with my daughter." Samara said in her usual serene voice.

"I bought a place in Rio for Brynn and I, so I'll be headed there." Jacob added in.

Shepard nodded. "Anyone else?"

Garrus snorted. "I'll stick around, Shepard. With your luck you'll probably find something that wants to kill you. Wouldn't want you to go without your turian you seem to love hiding behind."

"Appreciate it, Garrus." he said dryly.

"I'm coming with you guys. I already called dibs on decorating your house." Kasumi said, grinning under her hood.

"I think us three'll tag along too." Kaidan added, gesturing to himself, Javik and Liara, who both nodded.

He looked to the only person who hadn't yet spoken. "Miranda?"

Her mouth twisted. "I think... I think I'll stay. Oriana's living in Sydney right now, and I want to join her there."

He nodded, smiling to each of them. "Well, to those not coming... thank you. For everything. Sounds horribly inadequate, looking back on what we've all accomplished together, but I extend my thanks nonetheless."

"You don't have to, Shepard. Standing by you was enough." Wrex spoke up, walking to the front of the group. He clasped his shoulder roughly, a toothy grin on his leathery face. "And my thanks in return, brother. It's been an honour fighting beside you. And an even greater one helping you cure the krogan people."

Shepard nodded, a small, sad smile on his face as he thought of Mordin. _Would've liked to run test on seashells._ "Goodbye Wrex. I hope to see you soon."

The krogan laughed. "Oh, you will. As soon as you hurry up and marry _her_," he said, jerking a thumb to Tali. "I'll make sure to be there for the party."

"I think that counts for all of us, Commander." Jacob added, grinning. "I'd love to crash your fancy new house."

A chorus of enthusiastic agreements met his ears, and he grinned in return. "Well then I'll see all of you on Rannoch."

* * *

Maddy hurried through the ruined streets, short legs pumping with the effort to get to the docking bay. Her brother ran a little ahead of her, his infuriatingly long stride always leaving her a few steps behind.

Shepard had told them when he'd be leaving in case they wanted to say goodbye, and Maddy definitely wanted to.

They past hurriedly through the entrance to the bay and steered down the corridor that would take them to the Normandy.

"D'ye think he's left yet?" she asked worriedly. _He promised not to._ hurt rose in her chest at the thought of him leaving without saying goodbye.

"Just hurry!" Ian said, sounding annoyed with her, which made her frown. He always seemed to be grumpy. _I know I won't be like that when I'm older._

They turned another corner—

"Oof!" Ian slammed into someone, making Maddy do the same, getting a face-full of Ian's shirt.

She heard a laugh. "I was wondering if you two would show up." her heart swelled at the voice. _He was still here!_

Ian hastily backed away, hands held up in apology, making her clumsily back-peddle to avoid being tripped over. "Sorry sir, I didna mean—"

She saw Shepard smile as she poked her head around Ian. "Not a problem. Got here just in time though. We're about to head off."

Maddy shoved around her brother, hugging her arms around the Commander's waist. "Goodbye, sir." she said into his shirt, chin wobbling with the effort not to cry. She felt a hand touch her head and looked up at him. "Goodbye, Maddy. It was wonderful meeting you." he looked up at Ian, who stood behind her. "And to you as well, Ian." he stuck out a hand—Ian said it wasn't cool to be hugging the Commander—but surprised Maddy when he wrapped his arms around the man too.

Another chuckle from Shepard, who wrapped an arm around her brother. Ian let go after a brief moment, dark eyes shining but stubbornly not releasing any tears. "It was an honour tae meet ye, Commander."

"I wish we could come wi' ye." Maddy said, frowning and unlatching herself from him. "I dinna think mam would much like it though."

He smiled at her. "Stay with your mother. She needs the both of you." there was a funny look on his face, and he looked sort of sad. "I hope I'll get to see the both of you someday. It's always an interesting experience." he added, grinning. He began to walk away.

"Oh!" Maddy said, shoving her hand into her pocket and pulling out a packet, handing it to him when he turned around at her outburst. "I wanted to give ye this."

He looked down at it, frowning. "What is it?"

"It's cocoa! Ye seemed to like last time and ye're a little odd so I didna know if ye were going to go sleep in snow anytime soon and if ye were then I didn't want ye to be cold." She said in one huge breath, taking a gulp of air afterwards.

He burst out laughing, making her grin. "That's very thoughtful, Maddy." he looked at it again. "I'll be sure to keep it handy."

She hugged him fiercely once more, letting go a moment later. "Bye, sir. I hope to see ye again."

"So do I."

* * *

He watched Earth recede faintly from the cockpit window, a hand resting on the back of Joker's seat. The pilot was tapping away at buttons with practiced ease, barely even paying attention to the holographic display in front of him.

After his goodbyes with the MacLaine kids, his mother had appeared and insisted that she come along for the ride as well. She was currently in the med-bay, chatting with the good doctor.

"That's it, Commander. We're out of atmosphere. You can take your seat belt off and eat some shitty airline food now."

He chuckled, patting the pilot's seat. "Good." he was about to walk away but Joker's voice stopped him.

"Feels weird."

"What does?" He asked, turning.

Joker turned his chair, punching the auto-pilot button. "Just... everything. We don't have to fight anyone or go to god-awful planets where everybody's trying to kill you. No more Reapers or Cerberus or anything."

He smiled. "Well, I don't know about you, but I like the change of pace."

The pilot looked over to the seat next to him briefly, face neutral. "Yeah."

Shepard's chest tightened at the thought of EDI. "Jesus... I'm sorry, Joker."

The man shrugged, his sarcastic mask back in place. "Hardly your fault." he said, swivelling his chair back to face the controls.

_How wrong you are, Joker._ He opened his mouth for a moment, almost about to tell him the truth. Then he closed it again, thinking. Would it help the man, really? Telling him that his friend had a hand in killing one of the people he loved? Would it make it any less painful?

The answer was immediate. No, it wouldn't. In reality, it would like likely make it worse.

"Yeah." was all he said in return.

* * *

He stood before the giant window, glass of whiskey in hand. He'd fixed himself a drink at the bar, trying to wash down the guilt that had swelled in his chest and made it hard to breathe.

He'd always been aware of the consequences of his actions on the Citadel. He'd killed an entire race, and had destroyed an AI that had only just begun to taste true sentience and emotions. But now, as he had stood in front of the grief that had followed in his wake of destruction, had only truly made him realise just how many he'd killed.

He heard the door open, but didn't turn from his view of Sol's fading planets.

"Shepard?" It was Tali, her voice soft.

He turned and gave her a smile. "Everything good down in Engineering?"

She nodded, walking over and placing a hand on his arm. "Yes." she looked up at him, glowing eyes serious. "What's the matter?"

He smiled faintly. It seemed only Tali and his mother could figure out when something was troubling him. "Just... thinking on my decisions."

"You mean during the war? John, you couldn't have done any better, with the things you've accomplished—"

"I know, I... I know. But making the best worst decision still makes it a bad decision. Just a difficult pill to swallow, is all." he smiled at her again, pulling her close. He almost wanted to tell her what had happened in those final moments of the war, but something stopped him. Those seconds before the power conduit had erupted in flames were ones so intensely personal that he didn't think he'd be able to voice them, even in front of her. They had been thoughts of a dying man, trying to cram everything he'd ever felt or done in one moment. His regrets, his losses. His victories. His thoughts of those that he loved most.

And another part of him told him that he didn't deserve the relief of telling someone about his greatest regrets. He'd killed a million to save a trillion. Did that make him a murderer, or a hero? A damning question if he ever thought on it too long.

And why burden her with it? It was something neither of them could ever undo or fix, so why drive her crazy with the need to try? He knew she would; a born engineer and a fiercely practical woman, she'd jump at any chance to fix a problem someone had, be it mechanical or mental.

He'd leave the ghosts alone for now. It didn't do well to dwell on them.

"I love you." she said into his chest, then pulled back a little and brought a hand to his face. "Stop thinking about it and come to bed."

He smiled at her, chest unclenching ever so slightly.

"And I love you."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: So I played the Citadel DLC recently. I won't be too spoilery for those who haven't, but Tali sings to you at one point and I have to say it was the best damn thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

But back to this story. A couple of people are wondering about the wedding, which will be in the next five chapters or so. I haven't quite figured it out yet.

Anyway, bit of a dark chapter, but I really wanted to explore Shepard's past and found this strangely fun to write.

* * *

**Chapter 14: The Dead Stand Tall in Troubled Minds**

"John? Honey?"

His eyes re-focused, and he saw his mother staring at him worriedly. The memories of screams left his ears, and in their wake left a throbbing pulse just behind his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Are you listening to me?" she asked gently.

His brows drew together, and she touched his arm. They stood in the mess, but it was so early that it was vacant. He hadn't been able to sleep—even after a couple of very sleepless hours with an insistent Tali—and had found that his mother had shared his insomnia, sitting at a table with a cup of coffee.

She smiled at him. "The colonists are waiting, John. Hackett sent me a message saying that they're completely ready for you."

"Mm." he grunted, moving away from her and looking through the kitchen cupboards to keep his hands busy.

"It'll be hard... but you'll get through it." she placed a comforting hand on his turned back, knuckles pressing into his shoulder blade, which made him smile faintly.

The injuries he'd sustained on Akuze had been bad. most notably was the scar that ran the length of his back, the legacy of a snapped support cable attached to the prefabs, unleashed by the rumbling earth of monsters below. After, he'd have nightmares and flashbacks, his back seizing up in phantom agony of a long-remembered wound. His mother had gotten into the habit of pressing her knuckles gently down his spine in passing to ease knotted muscles, something that had become a comforting gesture, however gruesome a reminder it may be.

He turned to look at her. "I know. But I've spent so long getting over it... I don't want it to come back again."

She smiled, touching his stubbled cheek. "Sometimes I look at you and wonder how you've grown so fast. Every time I turn around you seem to look a little older. But you've just got to open this wound one more time, sweetie. After that... you don't have to grow any older. Just be happy with your wife."

He smiled at her, this one reaching his eyes. "Yeah. She's... Tali's... great. You... what do you think of her?"

"She's adorable." Hannah replied, grinning. "Tiny thing couldn't stand still when I talked to her. But she's sweet and kind, and I like her."

She saw John's eyes light up, but he hid any emotion at her words quickly. His reaction made her smile to herself as she realised just how much her approval meant to him, and she gestured for him to sit at the table. "Sit down. I'm going to make you breakfast."

He did so with a grin. "You can try. Everything on this ship is freeze-dried and reconstituted."

"It was the same on every other Alliance ship that I made you breakfast on. Now shut up and drink your coffee." she handed him a fresh cup, watching his face transform, a face that only a caffeine-deprived marine being handed salvation could pull off.

* * *

Tali watched him carefully, chest tightening with anxiety every time she looked at him.

She heard that they'd be detouring to Akuze for a small memorial, and now the crew sat in the shuttle being flown to the planet, everyone quiet.

Yet Shepard was the quietest of them all. He'd become increasingly subdued as they'd neared Akuze, and now he barely moved, making him appear almost set in stone if it weren't for the occasional rise and fall of his chest.

The shuttle rumbled as it entered the atmosphere and she saw John shudder. She placed a hand on his knee, but if he realised that she'd touched him he didn't show it.

His hand reached up to his forehead, a finger running over the scar that cut into his hairline. Tali had always wondered how he'd gotten it, but he never offered any information and she didn't want to upset him by asking.

Kasumi, however, had no such aversion. "You get that scar here, Shep? I sorta wondered how you'd gotten it."

To her surprise, Shepard smiled a little. "Yeah. Nothing heroic or anything. I went to duck behind a crate to avoid some acid and I smashed my face off a loose piece of metal. Murphy saw it—stupid bastard found time to laugh at me for a good minute, even in the middle of..." he gestured vaguely towards the shuttle door, presumably of what lay beyond it.

"Hell?" The thief asked.

"Yeah."

It was quiet after that, but Tali thought that he didn't look quite so still now. She silently thanked Kasumi for her inadvertent supply of strength, and hoped that it would help Shepard with what would come next.

"We're here, sir." Cortez said from his seat in the tiny cockpit of the shuttle.

Shepard nodded to the man, feeling the vehicle touch down on the earth. He stood up, rolling his shoulders in what had become a familiar gesture to Tali. He did it after waking up from a bad dream, as if stretching old scars would prove to him that what he woke up from was, in fact, just a nightmare.

But now, now he was entering one.

* * *

He stepped out of the shuttle, eyes flicking around to the sight that greeted him.

They hadn't changed it much. Other than the notable absence of Thresher Maws, Akuze seemed almost exactly as it had been all those years ago. The buildings were still teetering precariously on bent metal supports, snapped cables still lying in the dust. And the gaping holes in the earth were still present, with caution tape placed around each of them.

Screams, the smell of boiling blood as acid hit flesh, the taste of sweat and dirt in his mouth, grit in his eyes. The horrible, burning agony of his back, a tumble to the earth. Images, tastes, smells, sounds, all bombarded him at one moment, freezing him in place as he watched ghosts dance before his eyes.

No, this place hadn't changed at all. Not really.

He couldn't do this. If he stayed in front of these colonists, these strangers, he'd break down and they'd all see him bared to the world, inner demons clawing their way up his throat. The pressure on his chest increased and his heart sped. The edges of his vision began to blur as he stared at nothing, stared at phantoms.

A hand on his shoulder. A soft, accented voice saying his name softly. A light that flooded his darkening vision and allowed him the control of his muscles once more.

He turned to look at her, and saw Garrus and his mother standing behind her. Their eyes held only encouragement, and the weight on his lungs suddenly didn't seem quite so great. He gave them a short nod, turning back to look at the Hell he'd escaped.

He noticed other things now as he began to move forward. Small pathways to parts of the battlefield had been made, and he saw that pieces of rock were sticking up from the ground. With a start he realised they were tombstones, marking where each marine, each friend and husband and daughter and father and sister had fallen.

Some of the colonists were looking around the area with grim interest, all standing at attention when he walked by them. He heard his crew moving around behind him, some veering off to quietly explore. He saw families and friends gathering around the graves, some of whom he recognised. He hadn't been able to bring himself to simply inform families of their loved one's death with a message, so he'd gone to each one of their homes, telling them in person what had happened.

Aside from the destruction, the place seemed oddly, grimly peaceful. Green grass swayed gently in the breeze and crunched softly underfoot. The sun shone through puffy clouds and dew clung to the flower petals that were gathered around graves. An odd setting for Hades if he ever saw one.

He wandered around, feeling lost, almost. Nowhere that he walked was he ever truly alone; ghosts wavered at the edges of his vision, watching him walk through a place where the living did not belong, pale forms eyeing him with betrayal for being left behind.

He came to a stop at the memorial statue the colonists had built. It was a Thresher Maw coming out of the ground, mouth agape. Under it was a plaque with all the names of the fallen soldiers, above it reading:

_This is to commemorate the brave Alliance soldiers who gave their lives to protect this growing colony, and a grim reminder of the costs that come with Mankind reaching uncharted stars._

He looked up, staring at the stony mouth that lunged towards him, still, concrete teeth extended. His eyes searched inside the stone beast's maw, wondering what it felt like to be eaten by the real thing. Thoughts intertwined with real memories as he remembered standing in this very position, watching Death sailing towards him at what felt like a snail's pace. Then being knocked to the ground by one of his men and watching them be consumed, the last sight of their face being filled with terror.

"John." he felt a touch on his shoulder and looked over at the owner of the voice, thoughts fracturing.

The woman was tiny, so small that he had to look down at her. Soft, mousy hair and warm, brown eyes. She wasn't particularly beautiful, but her soft gaze was comforting. Comforting enough to pull in a lonely man from his near-escape of death.

He remembered who she was. "Mrs. Cameron."

Her eyes dulled a little at the formality, but she kept her smile. "How have you been?"

He smiled faintly. "Not too bad, all things considered. Have you got a place to stay?"

She nodded. "Yes. A small apartment in New York. The Reapers hit it hard but... I'm managing."

"That's good." he said, feeling slightly awkward, the sort of awkwardness one felt when waking up in a stranger's bed after a night of sex.

"Thank you... for coming here. I know that my husband—" she broke off, swallowing. "That Tom would've appreciated you coming back to this place."

He nodded, not knowing what to say.

She reached up, hands on either side of his face, and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "I hope you find happiness, John." with that, she hurried away, leaving him staring after her.

He felt eyes on him and turned to see Tali standing a few feet away, glowing eyes holding a strange emotion. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. What could he say, anyway? He walked towards her, a hand on her arm.

"Come on. Let's get out of here. I've had enough of Hell."

* * *

They left as soon as possible. After a sincere thank-you to the colonists for cleaning this place up enough to be visited and a small ceremony filled with solemn words, they boarded the shuttle, Shepard even quieter than before. The crew would occasionally glance at him worriedly, and Tali saw Garrus open and close his mouth repeatedly, trying to find something to say but coming up empty.

Although Tali knew that what had just happened hadn't been easy for him, she had to ask one question.

"Who was the woman?"

He looked up from his gaze at the shuttle floor, meeting her eyes. "Sarah Cameron. She was Tom Cameron's wife, who was one of... one of my men."

"You two seemed to have met before."

He smiled faintly. "Indeed. I'd delivered the news to each family in person. When I arrived at her house... she didn't take the news well.

"I... well, she was lonely and grieving, and needed... comfort. I needed... something. I'd just lost fifty good men and..." his mouth twisted. "I spent the night with her." he scrubbed his face hard, sighing. "It didn't mean anything, Tali. And it was years ago."

She touched his knee. "I'm not concerned about that John. I'm just making sure that she's not trying to steal you from me." she said, smiling encouragingly and trying to brighten his mood.

It worked a little. He smiled, at least. "Never." he replied, placing his hand over hers.

* * *

He cried out, the bed sheets tangling with thrashing limbs. He rolled to the floor, back arched and teeth clenched at the knives that dig into his skin.

"Shepard?" Tali jerked awake, crawling across the bed to see him lying on the metal floor of the cabin, sheets pulled off the mattress and tangled around his waist. "Are you okay? Do you want me to call Chakwas?"

"No. I'll be fine in a minute." he said through gritted teeth, feeling the muscles in his back slowly relax. He blew out a breath and gingerly let his back touch the floor, muscles still twitching painfully.

Tali got off the bed and came to sit next to him, pulling the covers up from his waist and hugging them around herself.

She touched his face, a worried smile on her lips. "Sit up."

He did so painfully, hissing as he twisted the wrong way and felt a bolt of fire shoot down his spine. Now that he was sitting up, Tali crawled around to sit behind him, fingers digging into his back as she massaged his shoulders. He groaned, putting his head in his hands and letting her work in silence.

"Was it really bad, this time?" she asked quietly.

He nodded, not saying anything. He hated waking her up like this, but was sad to say that this was hardly the first time she'd found him in this state. He smiled as he remembered when it had first happened; Tali had thought that he was having some sort of fit and he had only just managed to stop her from making a frantic call to the doctor.

She leaned close to him, kissing his neck and kneading his spine with her knuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright." he said, mind still foggy with bloody images.

He felt her arms go around him, chin resting on his shoulder. "You know Chakwas has sleeping medication that can help."

"I've taken it before. I don't like it; I can't think properly and my head gets fuzzy."

Her breath brushed against his ear as she laughed. "It's for sleeping, John, not thinking."

"I know. But even after I wake up, I feel the same. My reflexes are slow, it's difficult to concentrate, and... it's maddening. Not being able to see when danger is coming at you or even being able to react properly if it does." he smiled grimly. "I'm already close enough to the edge of sanity as it is, no need to give myself a push."

"You really feel that way?" she asked, voice soft and serious.

"Sometimes. During the war I always wondered when, or if, it would happen. If one day I'd go off the deep end and blow my brains out."

His words sent a jolt of terror through her chest, and she hugged him harder. "But you won't go crazy now. I won't let you."

He looked back at her, smiling. "I know you won't." he turned, cupping her cheek. "Come on. Let's go back to bed. In the morning we'll see how close we are to Rannoch."

She got up with him, climbing into bed and curling up next to him. "Have good dreams now. That's an order."

He smiled, pulling her closer. "Ordering your captain around, are you?"

"It's hard to take my captain seriously when he's lying naked on the floor."

He laughed, kissing her. "I guess it is. But I think I'll cooperate. As long as you give me something sweet to dream about."

She grinned mischievously, climbing atop him. "I think I can manage that."

* * *

Well this was a pain in the ass to write. I had about three different versions of this chapter written before I wrote this, and I'm still not completely satisfied with it. However, I haven't been able to add anything to it, so I hope it turned out alright.

Also, I know that I said that this chapter would be longer, but well... it didn't turn out that way. Writer's block is making me crazy, and I'm surprised that I even wrote this much. Scumbag brain.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: So I was sifting through my other chapters recently and noticed how many A/Ns I put on these things.

I'm sad to say that that won't change. I enjoy talking too much.

And woo woo, Rannoch!

* * *

Chapter 15: We're Here

She stepped down onto the red ground, dust clouding around the wings of the Normandy. Tikkun shone across her visor, making it hard to see until the glass polarised. The shrubs swayed from the ship's powerful engines, rustling faintly. Giant, veined rocks stood high above the ground, creating small towers of shade. The water twinkled from the sun, ocean an endless sight beyond the cliffs.

It hit home, now. They were truly, finally here. After three hundred years of hardship and loss, after wars with the geth and the Reapers and Cerberus, her people were returning home.

_She_ was returning home.

Something filled her chest, an emotion that she couldn't quite describe. For the first time in her life, any conflict present was superfluous, like what colour the siding of the house would be, or wondering what plot of land to buy. Whatever decision she made didn't have lives hanging in the balance or any guilt or anger attached to it. Just simple, civilian decisions.

"Nice view." Shepard said behind her.

She turned to see him looking at Rann—never mind.

She laughed when she saw where his gaze was. "Can't you think of something else other than sex for five minutes?"

"Not with you standing there." he replied, eyeing her appreciatively.

She blushed. She still wasn't quite used to being flattered or feeling sexy, but she figured that she could learn to live with it.

"Well, what do you think about the view out there?" she asked, turning back to face the vista before her.

She felt a hand on her waist as he came to stand next to her. "I've seen better. Planet's a little on the small side." he said casually.

"Size isn't everything."

He raised a brow at her. "I get the feeling you're trying to tell me something."

She grinned behind her mask. "Don't worry. I'm satisfied with the... state of things." she said coyly.

He pressed her against him, stepping close enough that his nose almost touched the glass of her faceplate. "Now who can't think about anything but sex?"

"Who said I was thinking about sex?"

"Step a little closer and that'll change."

"There goes my appetite." Garrus said from his stance in the Normandy's airlock door.

Shepard grinned, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Then stop eavesdropping."

"Hard not to when you two make so much racket."

Shepard smiled again, though she could see that his heart wasn't really in it. Tali watched him, concerning trickling through. She pulled on his hand, guiding him away from the Normandy and out of hearing distance of the crew with a small mutter about how they'd be back in a minute. She grimaced as Garrus' snarky comment about them two being alone called after them, but she didn't retaliate.

"How are you feeling?" she asked anxiously. If he wasn't up to arguing with Garrus, something was wrong.

"Tired." he replied with a faint tug of the lips, looking just that. His eyes had dark circles under them, almost liked someone had punched him. Lines of exhaustion marked his skin, making him look older, and his blue gaze was dulled by insomnia.

Akuze had beaten the shit out of him. It had taken another two days of finding working relays to get to Tikkun, and he hadn't slept almost at all. She'd watch helplessly as he'd cringe into his pillow, nightmares drawing his normally relaxed features tight with pain. After his episodes and he attempted sleep once more, she would roll over and feel tears make wet tracks down her cheeks and splash onto the sheets.

Maybe the conflict in her life wasn't quite as shallow as she had thought.

Anger welled inside her as she thought back to the small ceremony. *Damn* those colonists. They'd made John reopen a door that he'd shut firmly years ago, and now demons crawled through its frame, demanding his peace of mind as price for his survival.

He touched her arm, making her look up at him. "Don't worry about me. We're on Rannoch now. You should be happy."

She stepped closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I am happy. Keelah, more than you'd know. But I want you to be happy as well."

A soft laugh. "I am. A couple of nightmares won't change that."

She didn't really believe him, but didn't want to argue with him, either. Instead she wrapped her arms around him, feeling selfish. He was hurting and she was avoiding the subject just to be happy.

She felt him hug her back, chin resting on her head. "It really is beautiful." he commented.

She nodded, feeling angry again. And even angrier because she didn't *want* to feel angry. He was pretending that his problems didn't exist, like he always did, to protect her peace of mind. She was torn between wanting to punch him and wanting to kiss him, a duality that was quite familiar to her by now.

_Just relax. You can talk to him later. You might have to corner him to do it, but you will._

She blew out a breath, nodding to her thoughts and allowing herself to enjoy the moment, the small plan of action calming her down.

"Yes. It really is."

* * *

"There." he said, handing the man back the data pad.

Their arrival on Rannoch had gone far from unnoticed—not that he thought it would, anyway—and now dock workers, officials, and political reps swarmed him, asking him to sign a multitude of papers to legalise a bunch of shit that allowed him and Tali to live here peacefully.

Tali was standing a few feet away, talking quietly to the Admirals. He sensed that she was uneasy about something, and pegged it down to his fitful nights of sleep. Damn woman always worried too much.

Some part of him was anxious as well, wondering how long these nightmares would continue. It has taken years to get through even a week without having any flashbacks. Now he was having them nightly, and sometimes even during his waking hours.

And even stepping foot onto Rannoch had been bittersweet. Sweet because he knew how much it would mean to Tali, and that now he could start his life again, but bitter because of the cost it had taken to put him here.

_Do we deserve death?_

"Captain?"

He jerked out of his thoughts, looking up to see a vaguely familiar quarian looking at him quizzically.

His mind suddenly clued in to who it was. "Ah, Captain Danna. Good to see you've made it back." he said, shaking the man's hand.

Danna took his outstretched palm awkwardly, obviously not very familiar with the human greeting. "And to you as well, Shepard. I hear that you'll be staying on Rannoch?"

He nodded. "Indeed. I think Tali's actually searching for some land to buy right now." he added, looking over the Captain's shoulder to see her face buried in her omni-tool, Raan speaking quietly to her.

"You've bonded with her, then?" the man asked, making Shepard look back at him. "Your anger during her trial makes even more sense now."

He felt his cheeks warm a little, and he shoved his hand into his pocket to keep it from rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, we are. Bonded, I mean."

Danna nodded, and he sensed that the man was smiling. "Although I am no longer her Captain and my word won't mean much in formal ceremonies, I am glad to see that she picked a man like you. Even if you aren't quarian." he added, a grin in his voice.

He laughed. "I'm flattered you approve."

"Gerrel, however, may not be so... pleased. He was close with Tali's father, and shared much the same views as Rael. Again, as he isn't her captain anymore it will mean little, but he may make a bit of an uproar."

Shepard's eyes narrowed at the thought. "I'll keep that in mind, Captain. Thank you."

He stepped away, but felt a hand on his shoulder. "And I must thank you as well. You made peace with the geth during times of war and have allowed the quarians to truly live once again."

He nodded, walking away before any more praise met his ears, swallowing hard to try and force the tightness from his throat.

* * *

"I like it." Tali said, pacing around the unmarked ground, head down in thought. "It's far enough away from the town for privacy but close enough in case there's an emergency."

"Good view, too." he commented, looking at the nearby cliff face. He could hear the water crashing against the rocks below, foam occasionally spraying up into the sky. There was a small beach to the left if you walked down the path that led up to the plot of land they were currently on, and giant rocks rose up over it, ensuring protection against any possible storms. If they put all the windows to the west and south, they'd get a fair amount of natural sunlight.

"What do you think?" Tali asked, looking up at him.

He smiled at her. "Good place to build. Steady ground, nice view, fair size." he pulled her close. "Privacy, too."

"Mmm." she made an agreeable sound, stepping closer. "I like privacy."

She met his eyes, sobering suddenly. "Are you happy, John?"

He opened his mouth to answer but she cut him off. "And don't lie to me," she added.

He chuckled. "Wouldn't think of it." he paused for a moment, looking around the place where they stood.

Rannoch. The planet Tali had dreamt of since she was a child. A place of peace, a place to finally call home. A place to spend the rest of his life in comfort with his wife.

He allowed himself a moment of rest. He forgot about his life forged in past wars, of hard decisions and bad dreams.

"More than you know." he said honestly.

She beamed behind her helmet, touching his cheek. "Good." she pulled out her omni-tool, pulling up what seemed like house schematics.

"You already know what the house is going to look like?" he asked.

She gave him a look. "Of course. Why, don't you like it?"

He frowned down at the outline. "Yeah, I like it. I was just a little surprised that you've figured this all out already."

Tali fidgeted, looking sheepish. "Well... I was a little excited to be coming here and I didn't want to waste time on Rannoch planning out the shape of the house. So I... I made one."

He grinned, doing his best not to laugh. "Practical, as always."

"Don't give me that look. I was impatient!"

He laughed outright now, earning a smack on the chest. He dragged her close to him once more, hearing her grumble into his shirt. "It's just really cute, is all. You're like a kid on Christmas morning."

"I don't know what that means."

"You don't have to."

* * *

"Shep—John! Don't you dare!"

"Come on. I've got you."

"No! Dammit, let go of me!" she squirmed in his grip, watching the waves crash against the cliff face below.

"Tali, I already scanned the water. It's a fifty foot drop straight down. We won't hit any rocks."

"I don't care! I'm not jumping!"

"I'll throw you in then."

"No—Joh—don—stop! Stopstopstop—AH!" he vaulted off of the cliff, her in his arms. She heard him hoot with laughter as they fell. Her stomach slid down to her toes and she felt weightless for a moment.

Then they hit the water.

Bubbles foamed around them, light from the setting sun shining through the water's surface, flickering and wavering from the current.

She saw him grinning, tiny bubbles floating out from his mouth and nose. Then the breath exploded out of him as he began laughing, sending pockets of air rushing towards the surface.

She clung tightly to him as he kicked upwards, long strokes sending them rising up to air. He gasped as their heads broke, laughing and coughing at the same time. Tali punched him, making him laugh harder.

"You _bastard!_"

She watched his face, eyes crinkled with mirth. "Wasn't that fun?"

"No!" she replied, but felt humour creep in as she watched him laugh. She always loved watching him when he was in such a good mood, as she'd seldom seen it before. She supposed jumping off of a cliff was worth seeing him so happy, even if only for a moment.

He was still in trouble though.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, a death grip on him as he swam to shore. Another reason that she hadn't wanted to jump—besides the obvious stupidity of jumping off of a _cliff_—was that she could barely swim.

She felt her toes dig into the cool sand a few moments later and she loosened her vice on his neck, standing up in the now waist-deep water. He smiled down at her, taking her hand as they waded onto the beach front.

He'd taken his shirt off before jumping, and she had a breathtaking view of his upper torso, droplets of water clinging to smooth muscle and old scars. Another plus, she supposed.

She saw Hannah approach them, a smile on her lips as she handed each of them a towel. "You're terrible, John. Scaring your wife like that."

"Mmphm," he said, voice muffled in the fabric as he scrubbed his face. Hannah took Tali's arm, putting the towel around her shoulders and rubbing them with her hands, trying to warm her up in the cooling temperatures of Rannoch's twilight.

"Come on. Kaidan started a campfire, and you can warm up there." Hannah said, guiding her up the small path, still rubbing her shoulders.

Tali let a smile cross her face and felt her eyes sting a little. She missed having someone be a mother to her. Raan was a kind woman, but she wasn't a particularly cuddly person. Neither was Tali, really, but Hannah's motherly concern made her heart ache for her lost parents.

She heard feet scrape against rock as Shepard jogged up to them. "Thanks for leaving me by the shore."

"Don't you start, mister. You're the one who dragged your wife into the water."

"She's still just my fiancée. We aren't technically married yet." he commented, simply to annoy his mother.

It worked, making Tali laugh as she watched him dodge a swat from Hannah.

"Don't get smart with me, Jonathan."

"Oh damn, you're in trouble now." Kasumi said, watching them arrive from her perch atop a crate, sitting next to the crackling fire.

"Now I know how to defeat the Great Commander Shepard. Just call his mother and tell on him." Garrus said, making the crew laugh.

John threw his towel at the smug turian, walking over and picking up his shirt from a crate, which had been folded and put there by his mother after he'd let it drop onto the ground.

"I have to go change. My pants are all wet." he said, passing by Tali and squeezing her shoulder.

She glared at him, making him grin as he walked back to the Normandy, limping slightly.

She plunked down on a nearby blanket, placing the towel under her. "I wish I could go change." she muttered, pulling the hood off of her helmet and wringing it out onto the ground beside her.

"Your suit's water-proof, right?" Kasumi asked, watching her with interest.

Tali nodded, then sighed when she looked down at the cloth woven around her. It wouldn't do to sit in sopping cloth, so with a heave she stood up again, undoing a couple of buckles and sliding the purple fabric from her suit, squishing it into a ball.

"Yes. I'd be coughing already otherwise."

* * *

Tali leaned into him, eyes drooping. She sat between his legs on the blanket, his back against a nearby crate. It was full night now on Rannoch, and the crew was beginning to yawn and stretch, most of them clearly ready for bed.

His fingers idly toyed with a buckle on her suit, smiling faintly. He'd changed into dry clothes and had come back to find the crew roasting marshmallows, supplied by Kasumi. He had absolutely no idea where or how the hell she'd gotten them, but didn't complain when he was handed a golden puff. After, of course, Tali had yelled at him for getting her clan fabric all wet. It probably didn't help matters when he found himself zoning out as he watched her all-black form sway around, as she tended to pace when angry.

She forgave him, finally, when he offered to help reassemble her suit, earning a smack when he pointed out that he'd done it many times before.

After eating what was probably the most unhealthy supper known to man, the crew had begun to socialise around the tiny campfire. Traynor and Gabby had played some sort of strategy game on their omni-tools, trash talking one another the entire time. Adams, Cortez, and Donnelly had been talking about the house that was going to be built, mixing in so much technical jargon about setting up the electrical and comm systems that he quickly tuned out.

Garrus and Kaidan had taken the cliché route of retelling crazy stories of some of the more eccentric missions they'd gone on, which had gotten everybody's attention for a time.

Chakwas and his mother had been talking about Lord knew what, though by their smiles and sideways glances at him he suspected that he didn't want to know.

Joker had mingled a little, though he mostly kept to himself, only offering up the occasional sarcastic remark to the conversation. It hurt just to look at the pilot and Shepard mostly avoided doing so. Darkening his mood would upset Tali—she was far too perceptive for her own good—and a selfish part of him didn't want to feel bad, even if it was only just for an evening.

The wind blew sparks out from the flame, making him shiver and hug Tali closer to him. Her suit was almost completely dry, with the exception of the purple cloth that wound around her body, which wasn't as water repellent as the rest of her envirosuit.

The plunge down the cliff had surprised him, flashes of his stormy descent into Temptation mingling with the sunny dive he'd just had with Tali, happiness and pain twining in his chest. The water had been cold, the first time. Regret and sorrow had intermixed with the bubbles, beckoning him to join the dead.

Not now though. Now, now the water had been warm.

* * *

Hannah watched Kaidan put out the last of the fire, stretching and groaning at his popping joints.

"It's definitely time for bed." he said tiredly, mouth contorting in a jaw-cracking yawn.

She nodded, standing up from her crate-cum-chair. She watched the others stand up, each performing their own pre-slumber ritual of stretched muscles.

She looked over to where John and Tali sat, then grinned at the sight before her.

John's head rested against the crate, eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his tired features. Tali was asleep as well, head on his chest and curled up in his lap, his arm providing warmth over her small form.

Garrus walked over to wake them but she stopped him with a hand, shaking her head.

"Leave them be. I'm sure they'll be fine sleeping out here."

The turian smiled faintly, nodding. He collected what he could get an armful of and began walking back to the Normandy.

The others did as well, following Garrus' example and loading up on the blankets and crates they'd brought out to sit on.

Hannah watched them stumble tiredly down the short path back to the ship, not yet following them. She looked down at her son again, smiling.

How old he'd gotten, and how much he'd suffered through. She could still remember him as a boy, eyes bright with youth and full of adventure, mind unclouded by burdens or guilt.

The war had taken its toll on him. Hard decisions that no man should ever have to make, consequences that she couldn't even fully comprehend.

And he'd survived. Through all of it. And looking down at him now, as she watched him sleep with Tali in his arms, she knew he hadn't made his journey alone, nor would he have been able to end it without her.

She leaned down, smoothing his short hair and kissing his forehead.

"Goodnight, John. Sweet dreams."

* * *

Next chapter will be more Rannoch-y, if that makes sense. Like house building and getting ready for the wedding and whatnot.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Well this chapter turned out a lot darker than I expected. I have 7 different scenes that were chopped up and cut out of this thing. It's been emotionally taxing with some of the things I've put to paper, a lot of which has been scrapped. Still, this is a weird mix of happy/dark. But mostly dark.

Also, this was something that I forgot to mention last chapter: if you guys ever want to read some major Tali/Shep fluff I suggest Bahoogasmif's stories, which have sort of inspired some of the content in this fic. They are a delightful read.

EDIT: _Also_ forgot to mention that my Pen Name on FF has been altered slightly—my OCD finally got the better of me and couldn't handle the numbers on my original name. So no, you're not going crazy. I just changed it up a little.

* * *

_So as we walked_

_Through fields of green_

_Was the fairest sun I'd never seen_

_And I was broke _

_I was on my knees_

* * *

**Chapter 16: I'm Fine**

She jerked awake, shivering. She groped for blankets, mind still foggy with sleep.

She looked over to see Shepard wrapped up in the sheets, twisted and bunched up from fitful sleep. Although troubled dreams had likely caused it, she couldn't help but snort into her pillow at the sight of him tangled in bed sheets.

She pushed on his arm, another shudder going through her. "John."

His brows drew together, mouth twisting.

Another push. "Shepard. Wake up."

He sat up suddenly, blinking. "What?" he scrubbed at his face, looking around.

She giggled. "Can I have some blankets?"

He looked over at her, curled up in a ball and staring up at him through strands of mussed hair.

He gazed down at himself, smiling faintly. "Yeah. One sec." he wrestled with the sheets, limbs flailing in an effort to get them unwrapped from his body.

When he'd successfully gotten out of his cocoon, he opened his arms, gesturing for her to come close. She did so enthusiastically, pressing close to him and burrowing into the blankets, shivering.

She wrapped her arms around him, planting a kiss on his collarbone. Her fingers traced the scars on his back, trailing over the slightly raised pale tissue.

Another kiss. "Mmm... you're nice and warm." she whispered, moving closer.

"Not now, Tali."

His tone made her look up at him, surprised. "What?"

His eyes held an odd expression. "I'm tired. Let's just go to sleep."

She sat up, concerned. If he was turning down sex, something was seriously wrong. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." he said, rolling over on his side, back turned.

She touched his arm. "What's the matter? Did you have a bad dream again?"

"I said I'm fine, Tali."

She laid back down, pulling the covers up. Had she said something? She mentally scrolled through their short conversation. No, she hadn't, unless he found the actual topic of lovemaking offensive, something she highly doubted.

Her throat felt a little tight as she rolled onto her side. She didn't expect Shepard to have sex with her whenever she wanted him to—though refusal had hardly been an issue before now—but the almost rude way he'd brushed her off had hurt.

Even during the war, when he'd been stressed out and exhausted, John had always been cordial to her. She could count on one hand the number of times he'd slipped up and snapped at her.

So what was it, then?

* * *

"Pass down the water!" he called up, scanning the massive hole he stood in.

Jesus, was it ever hot. Rannoch's arid climate coupled with Tikkun's long day cycle made for blazing temperatures. It didn't help that he'd been doing heavy lifting all day.

The basement was now dug out, filled with a concrete-like casing, with stairs added in one corner. He surveyed the massive rectangular pit with more than a little pride. He was hardly an architect, but he could at least help with less complicated tasks. Now to finish the rest of the house, which currently only had the skeleton of it built, Metal bones stretching up over the unfinished basement.

"Ow!" something bumped into his forehead, making him stagger a little. He looked down to see what had hit him. A water canteen.

"Sorry!" Tali called over the edge of the hole, giggling.

He grinned up at her. "You owe me for that!"

He heard her scoff. "The hell I do, Shepard! Now get up here and have some lunch."

He picked up the canteen, taking a generous swig and climbing up the small scaffolding ramps they were using for access.

He saw his mother under a small tarp they were using for shade, laying out what food was available on the Normandy.

He felt a hand on his arm and looked over to see Tali smiling at him from behind her mask.

"I really am sorry." she said teasingly.

He smiled back at her, though she noted that it didn't reach his eyes. "It's alright." he pulled away from her, gaze drifting towards the lunch table.

"John, get over here and eat something." his mother called.

He did so, and she realised that he was avoiding touching her. Her throat felt tight again, a feeling she was becoming accustomed to.

What he stood in front of was hardly a regular lemonade and sandwich buffet that usually accompanied hot days, but with him being this hungry he didn't much care. Taking a plate and sitting down on a crate, he began to engulf his rations.

Tali watched him eat, concern flaring. What was the matter with him? Up until a couple of weeks ago he'd barely been able to stop touching her, the overwhelming joy of being together again making it hard not to stray close to one another.

Now though, he was different. More inward. He talked less and had made an effort to put physical distance between them. Even the simple things like a hand brushing hers or a light touch on the shoulder in passing had gradually stopped, until he barely touched her at all.

They hadn't made love in two weeks. She kept asking him what was wrong, but he'd only smile faintly and say he was fine, just a little tired. She finally stopped asking.

Sure, they'd still occasionally banter and maybe even flirt, but it seemed like he was doing it more to keep up appearances than actual enjoyment.

Was it about Akuze? Had old, painful memories caused this introversion? She silently damned the colonists again, rage boiling close to the surface.

Somehow though, she didn't think that was it.

* * *

"Admiral?" Tali asked shyly.

Hannah looked up from the book she was reading to see Tali standing there.

"Lord, don't call me that. It's just Hannah, honey. My title's more for political settings than anything else." she patted the seat next to her. "Come sit."

"Okay." she did, fingers twining around each other in what Hannah had begun to recognise as a nervous gesture.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Something's wrong with John." she blurted, not looking up from her hands.

Hannah raised a brow. "Is he being rude to you?"

Tali met her gaze. "Well, no. Not really. He..." she trailed off, sounding embarrassed.

"He..?"

"He won't touch me." she said, head ducking a little.

Hannah absorbed the information silently. Well, this was fairly significant. John had appeared quite enamoured to this girl, and she didn't think she'd ever seen them together without some form of physical contact. Not until now, at least.

"How long has he been like this?"

"Two weeks."

"Two _weeks?_ Why haven't you said anything until now?" she asked, surprised.

Tali fidgeted. "I didn't think it was anything. Just him being tired from working on the house all day."

Hannah looked at her. "If you offered to sleep with a man on his death bed he'd likely consent. I don't think being tired has anything to do with it."

Tali laughed a little, but sobered quickly. "Then I don't know what it is. He won't talk to me when I ask him what's wrong." her hands had unwound themselves, curling into fists where they rested on her legs. "Dammit, he barely says anything to me at all. If I don't start the conversation then we're not talking."

"The weight of the galaxy has been a terrible burden to hold up." Hannah said quietly. "Even the strongest of shoulders can break sometimes."

Tali looked suddenly guilty. "I hadn't... why didn't I think of that? Keelah, I'm sorry—"

Hannah touched her arm. "You have a right to be angry, Tali. He shouldn't be treating you like this. I'm just trying to put a name to the problem."

Tali nodded, fingers knotting themselves again. "I just... he should be happy. I mean, he was. Until we went to Akuze..." she blew out an angry breath. "I _hate_ those colonists," she said heatedly. "He's been through enough already. John shouldn't have to go through any more."

Hannah smiled sadly. "Life's rarely fair, though I'm sure you know that already. I don't know what to tell you, honey. If he isn't willing to talk, their isn't much you can do to solve the problem."

Tali met her gaze, sounding almost panicked. "Can't you try to talk to him?"

"I can, and I will, but I don't think he'll listen to me. If he won't talk to you I have a feeling that he won't be more talkative to me."

Tali looked down at her hands. "I just want him to be happy." she whispered.

Hannah stood up, patting her arm. "I'll try to talk to him. See if it helps."

Tali smiled up at her. "Thank you."

Hannah began to walk towards the construction, leaving Tali alone with her thoughts.

Her eyes drifted to where Shepard was working, quarians gathered around to help him with the building. Her people weren't architects—no need for such a trade on starships—but they each had an affinity for fixing and putting things together.

She had given them the electrical plan she'd drawn up, watching them install the technology she had specified almost to the letter.

She would be the one doing it if Shepard wasn't right there. Tali knew she was being a coward and avoiding him, but her heart clenched every time she looked at him and saw his distant expression, and she didn't want bad feelings associated with their home. So she sat back for now.

John was almost totally consumed with the need to finish the house, as if it was the only thing keeping him going.

She wondered what would happen when the house was complete.

* * *

_"Do we deserve death?"_

_"Shepard, there is something I want you to know. The Illusive Man ordered my creation years ago. Jeff was the one that allowed me to think for myself. But only now do I feel alive. That is your influence."_

He opened his eyes, staring up at the stars that shined through the window above the bed, metal voices echoing in his mind. Beside him, he could hear Tali breathing softly, deep in sleep.

Those voices became louder every night. Their arrival on Rannoch had made him truly realise how many he'd killed . So many dead, and yet he was still able to roam the earth.

Now they drowned out nightmares of even Akuze, flooding his mind with images of Legion sacrificing himself for his entire people, of EDI bickering with Joker.

The bonds they had forged and the sacrifices they had made during the war now meant nothing. All their actions, all their choices, now gone. Because of him. It seemed that their only purpose now was to torture him. And rightly so.

Anger suddenly flared. What other choices could he have made? Perverting the DNA of the entire galaxy? Taking hold of absolute power?

No, his goal had never been power. The power given to him during the war had drove him to the very edge of sanity, a three-fingered hand the only thing holding him back from jumping.

He looked over at Tali, glowing eyes dark behind her smoky visor. He'd been driving her away, punishing himself by being with her as little as possible. His fingers clenched with the ache to touch her, the want to feel her close to him.

He knew he was hurting her. He could see it in her eyes every time she looked at him. But he couldn't truly be with her without he himself being happy, and he didn't deserve happiness. His options were leaving her—a thought so painful that he could only think of it in his periphery—and destroying her chance at happiness, or stay with her and live with the knowledge that his life with Tali on Rannoch was the result of the death of millions.

There was always a choice. Ones that would always burn someone no matter which option he chose.

His chest tightened with pain, and he stopped himself from curling inwards. Jesus, he didn't know what to do.

He almost reached over to her, to wake her up and feel the comfort of her touch, but he grabbed a fistful of sheets to stop himself. She'd just ask him what was wrong.

He wanted to tell her. The weight of it was back-breaking, and his journey was far from over. Soon he'd fall, and he didn't know if he'd be able to stand back up again.

Yet another, larger part of his mind told him that he deserved whatever punishment he was suffering. So many lives lost, taken away before they'd ever truly experienced what the meaning of the word Life even meant. How dare he think that he could just simply unload his burdens onto another?

Hell raged inside his head, barring any thoughts of sleep from his mind. As it did every night.

* * *

He watched the flames flicker and spark, shivering at the wind.

The crew had decided on having another campfire, the fresh air hard to resist after so much time spent aboard starships with cycled oxygen.

Garrus said they were celebrating the half-completion of the house, it's metal supports casting long shadows in the wavering light of the fire. He didn't think "half-done" was an appropriate term for the bare structure, but he wasn't about to take away his friend's excuse to celebrate.

"Keelah, it's cold." Tali said, walking up next to him. He looked down at her, seeing her shudder faintly.

It took all his strength not to wrap his arms around her. "You want my jacket?"

Glowing eyes looked up at him, not saying anything for a long moment.

"I want you to hold me." she whispered finally, though they stood far enough away from the crew that being overheard wasn't an issue.

He clenched his fists so tightly he felt his knuckles pop, looking away from her.

He felt a hand on his jaw as she forced him to meet her gaze. "What's going on, John? Why won't you talk to me?"

"I..." he trailed off, jaw clenching and unclenching.

"Do you love me, Shepard?" She asked, voice wavering.

"More than you know." he said quietly, chest tightening with sorrow at the fact that she even had to ask such a question. That his actions drove her to do so.

"Then talk to me. Tell me what has you hurting so badly that you won't even touch me." she pleaded, voice wavering.

"I'm fine—"

"No you're not!" She screamed, pushing against his chest. Although it was driven by anger, he relished the contact, however brief. "I can see it in your eyes! You don't sleep or talk or—" she broke off, realising that they could be heard. "Or make love to me." The rawness in her voice was almost crippling.

Rage and pain and guilt—everything he felt came boiling to the surface at the sound of her voice. "Well I'm fucking fine, Tali! Nothing's wrong!"

She let out a sob, latching onto his arm. "Don't you dare walk away! _Shepard!_"

He turned, pulling his arm up and yanking it from her grasp, far too harshly.

His movements knocked her to the ground, and the hate he felt for himself nearly brought him to his knees.

The crew stared at the scene that played out a little ways away from the campfire, eyes wide with shock.

He had to get out of here. He strode away in a random direction, blocking out the sob he heard coming from behind him.

* * *

He walked until the pain finally crippled him, and he fell to the dust, fingers scraping against the dirt and forehead pressing into the soil, tiny rocks digging into his skin as he bent over, breath escaping him in ragged gasps.

The image of her falling kept replaying in his mind, over and over. Voices, faces, swirled inside his head, a reminder of every bad decision, every bloody choice.

Atlas had finally crumpled under the weight of it all, a simple touch that had ultimately broke him.

He managed to lift his head to see the clifface he'd fallen to. The ocean moved restlessly under the stars, its current disrupted by the corpse of a Reaper, chitinous legs reaching out of the water.

The beast's dead eye stared at him, Judge, Jury, and Executioner all held in the vacant orb.

Hate spread in his chest, leaking down into his belly until he felt sick. They'd been the damn cause of it all. The suffering of so many, the death of even more.

Which only left survivors, hanging onto enough guilt and regret to drive them mad. Though he supposed going insane would make his life easier.

* * *

Garrus ran over to her, an arm on her hand as he helped her up.

"Spirits, what's going on?"

She choked back her tears, swallowing hard as she tried to force down the tightness in her throat.

"I don't know," she said, breathing still ragged.

But she was going to find out. That stubborn bastard wasn't going to hide anything from her any longer. She didn't care of she had to tie him down and beat him, he was going to tell her what was wrong.

"I'm going to find him." she said, pulling away from Garrus and walking in the direction he'd gone.

"Do you think that that's—"

"Yes, I do!" she snarled at him, increasing her pace, leaving Garrus standing there wide-eyed.

She squared her shoulders as she practically jogged, readying herself for what she knew would be a fight. She hated yelling at him, but she was willing to do it. If it fixed whatever problem they had, she'd say whatever she had to.

But it still didn't stop fear from curling in her belly. She knew he'd never intentionally hurt her, but whatever was making him act like this wouldn't be easy to listen to, or get him to speak about.

She almost wished she had her shotgun. Maybe pointing a gun at him would make him more communicative.

* * *

She found him, finally, on his knees near a cliff face, bent over as if something was physically paining him.

"John?" she ventured quietly. She'd been ready to yell at him but the sight before her made her chest clench with sorrow.

"I'm sorry," he said to the ground, so quietly she almost didn't hear him, fingers scraping against dirt.

She walked over to him, kneeling down and placing a hand on his back. "Please, Shepard. Tell me what's wrong."

He uncurled from his bent position, meeting her gaze as he knelt in the dust.

Her heart broke at the sight of his face. His azure eyes had the most tortured expression she'd ever seen, as if Hell itself had crawled inside his soul. He hadn't been crying, not really, but his eyes shone brightly in the moonlight, features contorted in a hopeless expression.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, eyes drifting towards the ocean.

"I killed them." he said finally.

"Killed who?"

"The geth. EDI." he said, and she could see his throat work as he swallowed.

She touched his cheek, gloved fingers rasping against stubble. "Shepard, you couldn't have known what the Crucible would do. It was an entirely unused super-weapon that we only hoped would destroy the Reapers. No one knew what would happen."

He looked at her then, the grim smile on his face holding no humour. _How wrong you are_, the words echoed once more in his mind.

Slowly, haltingly, he began to tell her. He choked on some words, and paused altogether at others, regret closing his throat and making it hard to speak. It took a very long time. But he told her. All of it.

When words finally died on his lips and he fell silent, he felt a sort of light emptiness spread through him, as if his guilt had physically burdened him and the confession of it had rid them from his body. He stared out at the ocean, waiting for Tali to respond.

It took her almost an hour. He could see her struggling to find words, to try and say the right thing.

He knew there wasn't any solution, any answer. But the telling of it left him feeling drained, and suddenly the soil under him seemed quite comfortable.

"I... Keelah, John. This is what you've been carrying around with you?" she asked finally, touching his knee.

The literal fate of the galaxy in his palm, one man to choose what was best for trillions. And afterwards, he had to live alongside the results of his decision.

"Yes." he said simply.

"I-I don't know what to say, or do—"

"You've done enough." he smiled at her. "You've either been crazy or stubborn enough to stay with me this whole time. You haven't run from any truth I've given you or any regrets I've burdened you with. You've never shrank away from me or shown any fear," his hand reached up, brushing the side of her mask. "You've done so much, Tali. You don't need to say anything."

She scooted closer, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I want to do _something_."

"Sitting here listening to me has been more than enough." he stood up, pulling her with him, then dragged her into his arms. His cheek rested on her hood. "God, I've missed you."

She melted into him. "And I've missed you."

* * *

They walked back to the Normandy, hands brushing against one another's. It was so late by then that the whole crew was asleep, their arrival gone unnoticed.

She'd pulled him into the cabin and moulded her mouth to his, urging him to seek comfort from her touch when she could not find words.

He had turned to her almost desperately, his touch searing heat across her skin as they moved against each other. She had originally intended to simply comfort him, discarding any want for her own pleasure, but his urgent movements had forced an aching response inside her, and she found herself arching against him as he'd released himself.

They lay there, afterwards, breathing the same air.

And for the first time in a very, very long time, he felt truly at peace.

* * *

Heavy stuff, mang. A lot of which could not be accomplished without listening to a ridiculous amount of music. The particular quote up top is by an awesome band, Mumford & Sons. The song is called "Not With Haste".


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Well, I'm a bit of an idiot. I wrote the last chapter in such a way that it's very difficult to build off of. I've planned fluff-galore but need to smoothly transition from Shep's "I have so many problems" attitude to "yay, quarian wife!"

So this took a bit longer than usual. Plus I've been writing this ridiculous little side-story that's not at all relevant to any of my other works but am still doing anyway.

* * *

**Chapter 17: The Prodigal Returns**

She clipped on the last buckles of her suit, sighing. She had almost forgotten how good it felt to take the damn thing off, and now she had to put it back on again.

_It'll get better now that you're on Rannoch._

That thought was the only thing that kept her from screaming in frustration at the restrictive prison she had to live in. Now that she'd been given a hint of what freedom felt and tasted like, being put behind bars—er, leather and glass—again was almost painful.

Tali looked over to the bed, seeing Shepard still asleep, a sight that warmed her heart. She couldn't remember the last time she'd woken up before him. Nightmares always had a way of keeping him conscious.

Memories of last night, both his confession and their passionate joining, came rushing back. She still couldn't quite wrap her head around the decisions he'd been forced to make. She felt helpless in being unable to offer advice, but what advice can you give to a man that had decided the fate for every being in the galaxy?

She wondered how he'd be today. She hoped he wouldn't draw away from her again—he'd meet the business end of her shotgun otherwise—but last night seemed to break the abstinence between them.

Tali also wondered how the crew would react. Garrus might give Shepard an earful for his behaviour, and she took solace in the fact that the turian was likely the only person that could yell at John and not get a punch to the jaw.

A shift from the bed broke her away from her thoughts and she saw Shepard sitting up, scrubbing at his face. When he looked up and saw her standing by the couches, he smiled faintly at her.

"Good morning." he said quietly.

She walked over to the bed, seeing him swing his legs over the edge and sat down beside him.

"How're you feeling?" she asked, touching his shoulder and feeling a tiny bit of warmth spread in her when he didn't pull away.

Another faint smile. "I'm... better." he said finally.

She was about to reply when he turned to her, eyes solemn. "Tali, about what's been happening the past couple weeks. I..." he swallowed, breaking off for a moment. "I'm so sorry. For everything. What I said and did—"

She touched his face, interrupting him. "I know you are. And I forgive you, Shepard. A burden like that isn't easy. Keelah, I thought I had it rough taking care of the fleet..." she laughed, though it held little humour.

He reached over and squeezed her knee. "Still, I shouldn't have done what I did."

She wrapped her arms around him, sighing at the feel of his body beside hers. She hadn't realised how much she missed contact with him until she'd been able to touch him again.

They sat there for a while in silence, leaning on one another. Her eyes drifted lazily around the room, but she suddenly tensed when she noticed something.

It was the small platform near the door that EDI's glowing avatar would emerge from to speak with Shepard.

"What is it?" he asked, feeling her go rigid.

"What are you going to say to Joker?" she said quietly, looking at him.

He looked away, jaw clenching. "God, I don't know. How do you tell someone that you willingly killed the person they loved the most?"

"I wouldn't say will had very much to do with it, Shepard."

He looked at her. "It was a choice that I made. I'd call that will."

"Did you choose wrong?" she asked suddenly.

He looked surprised at her forwardness, but said nothing. Tali spoke again.

"If you could go back and re-make the decision, would you choose differently?"

He looked down at his hands, which idly rubbed the sheets between fingers. "I... no, I... I don't know." he heaved an exhausted sigh, scrubbing at his face. "No. I wouldn't have. It was the best worst decision, I think."

She touched his cheek, making him look at her. "I know you made the right choice, Shepard. You did all that you could." she stood up from the bed, turning to smile at him. She knew from the look on his face that he didn't want to talk about it right now, and she would at least give him that small peace. It had been hard enough for him to share his burdens with her; she wasn't going to push him away again by forcing him to talk about it any more than he wanted to.

"Come on. Let's get some breakfast."

* * *

He shifted in the elevator as he waited for it to take him and Tali to Deck Three, shame filling his chest.

He had to face the crew. Face Garrus and Kasumi and Liara and everyone else who'd seen his outburst last night. Had to look them in the eye after he'd hurt Tali and yelled at her.

It was not something he was looking forward to. Dread curled in his belly and he wasn't the least bit hungry, but he wasn't going to let Tali come down and face them alone.

His lips tugged up in a humourless smile. He was able to charge into suicide missions with a grin on his face and a gun in his hand, but the thought of facing his crew nearly crippled him with fear.

The door opened and his heart clenched, feeling a small jolt of adrenaline spike his blood. He could hear them laughing and talking, but that would soon stop when he entered the mess.

"Shepard?" he looked over to see Tali standing outside the elevator, gazing at him with concern.

Another smile spread on his face, this one more genuine. He marvelled again at her bravery—she wanted to make amends as soon as possible. She wasn't going to dwell on it or avoid it. He didn't want to either, but then again, he was the one still standing in the elevator.

Shepard rolled his shoulders, feeling old scars pull on his skin. "Feet first," he muttered.

He walked out, smiling at her before making his way down the short hallway and into the cafeteria, looking over at the mess table and ignoring the tightness in his chest.

Garrus was the first one to see him, and the look on the turian's face when he spotted Shepard was not a happy one.

Banter quickly died and many of the crew turned in their chairs to stare at him. He forced himself not to look away.

Garrus got up from his seat, walking over to him. When he stood just a few feet in front of him, Shepard found the courage to speak.

"Garrus,"

Pain suddenly cracked in his jaw and stars blinked in and out of his vision. He stumbled to the ground, hand coming up to touch where the turian had punched him, feeling the sticky red of blood on his fingers.

"Garrus!" a screech from Tali. "What are you _doing?_"

"Making sure this bastard knows what happens when he's being an asshole."

_Guess I deserved that,_ he thought, blinking and trying to banish the dark spots from his vision.

"You're damn right you did." Garrus almost snarled, and he realised that he'd voiced his thoughts aloud.

Shepard looked up at his friend, pushing away his anger. Being punched in the face at 0900 wasn't helping his mood, no matter how much he deserved it.

"Well, I apologised, all right?"

"That isn't good enough."

"Then what else do you want me to do?"

Garrus glared at him. "Tell me why you're acting the way you are."

He sat up, leaning against the rail and wiping at the blood on his lip, looking away. "I..." he couldn't talk about it, not again. It was still too raw, faces and images still painfully fresh in his mind.

But he could at least speak part of the truth. He blew out a breath. It took him a minute to collect his thoughts, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet. "I've killed so many throughout the war. Done it in the name of justice or strategy. Wiped out millions so billions could survive." he scrubbed at his face, feeling exhausted. "Yet here I am. I am alive after all that I've done, in the presence of friends and family, in a place of peace where I can call home. I've been named a hero, a man of honour, but at the end of the day my hands are still stained." he sighed, gesturing around to the ship. "I don't deserve what I've been given."

Garrus looked far calmer than he had a minute ago, and when he spoke his voice wasn't as angry. "So, what? You treat Tali badly so you can bear having all these good things in your life?"

"Sounds terrible when you put it that way." he replied, a grim smile on his face.

Something very strange happened. The atmosphere of the ship suddenly changed. Garrus no longer looked angry, and the silence wasn't quite so deafening as before. The turian offered him a hand up, which he took gratefully. A taloned hand thumped him on the back and gestured for him to have a seat. When he sat down, food was shoved his way and the banter started back up again. Tali sat next to him, and he could see her smiling through the mask.

That was it. A simple confession, an admittance that he'd done something wrong, and his crew welcomed him with open arms. No more questions of his behaviour or angry looks.

He smiled down at his plate. Maybe he didn't deserve what he had, but he'd do his damnedest to make up for it.

* * *

"What are you—"

"Shut up and get in the elevator." Kasumi said impatiently, voice muffled from behind a giant mass of clothing she held in her hands.

He sighed. "Do you need help with that?"

She shoved her burden into his hands and he stumbled back a little at the weight. After breakfast, she'd disappeared into the lounge and had come back with a huge pile of clothing, demanding that he go to Deck One with her right away.

He had a sinking feeling that he knew what she was up to. He remembered his mother dragging him to clothing stores as a child, forcing him to try on tight shoes and itchy dress clothes for some formal occasion or another.

They were not fond memories.

The elevator opened and he walked over to the bed, dumping the clothing onto the mattress.

"What the hell is all this for?"

Kasumi gave him an impatient look. "The wedding. Now that you and Tali are all happy and stuff again, we need to start preparing."

He rolled his eyes. "We? Since when were you involved?"

"Since I'm your wife's best friend." she snapped her fingers at him. "Undress and try one of these suits on."

He raised a brow but complied, heading over to the bathroom. She stepped in front of him, putting a hand to his chest.

"Just do it here. It's not like I haven't seen any of what you've got before."

He sighed, pulling his shirt off and tossing it on the couch, then undoing his boots and throwing his pants over onto the coffee table, now only clad in his boxers.

The thief gave him an appreciative look. "You look better than I thought you would undressed."

He forced himself not to laugh. "You've pictured me naked, Kasumi? I didn't know you felt that way."

She gave him a look. "I always picture people naked when I'm bored. Keeps things interesting."

He laughed but said nothing, walking over to the pile of suits on the bed. "Where'd you get all of these, anyway?"

She shrugged. "Did some shopping when you were holed up on earth. Formal clothing seems to be pretty popular right now; everyone wants to throw parties. Come on, try one on."

* * *

"You look like James Bond."

He looked down at himself, raising a brow. "Is that good or bad?"

She grinned at him. "Very good. Even though you might not appreciate my taste in clothing, your wife certainly will."

"That's because everything I try on costs thirty thousand credits." he muttered, shaking his head. All that money and it wasn't even bullet proof.

"You are such a guy. Now try another one on."

"But you said you liked this one."

"I want to see if I like any of the others better."

He sighed again, undoing the tie and walking over to the bed.

"Which one shall I try on next, Ms. Moneypenny?" he asked, grinning.

Kasumi gave him a disgusted look. "Ew. I am so not being that ditz."

"How about M?"

Another look. "That chick could be my gramma. Nuh-uh."

"Maybe—"

"Say Pussy Galore, Shep, I dare you. See what happens."

He laughed, but his next words were interrupted by the door opening, in which entered Tali.

"What are you..." she looked over to Shepard, seeing him standing by the bed next to a pile of suits. Words died on her lips as she saw what he was wearing.

The black jacket that he wore accentuated his broad shoulders and made his waist look even trimmer. The white dress shirt underneath pulled against his frame and revealed hard muscle through the fabric, the lines of his abdomen clear against the shirt. Dark dress pants showcased the packed columns of muscle that lined his thighs, the folded crease down each pant leg drawing the eyes to defined calves and ending in polished leather shoes.

Shepard stood there, feeling her gaze draw lines of heat down his body. Clearly she liked the suit.

Kasumi winked at him, taking the hint and exiting the cabin. She said something about not wrecking any of the suits, but he wasn't really listening, focused on the woman in front of him.

When the door closed Tali launched herself at him, knocking him onto the bed and ripping her mask off. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and her hands roamed across his form, moulding themselves against muscle.

His eyes rolled back into his head as her attentions went to more southern regions, and his last coherent thought was that he owed the thief big time.

* * *

He fought to control the stupid grin that was twitching on his lips, Tikkun's rays warming his skin through a simple t-shirt.

After a very heated session with Tali and only narrowly avoiding her ripping the dress suit to pieces, he decided that it was time to work on the house.

He saw Tali standing at a table, pointing to her omni-tool and likely working on the technical plans of the house, Kasumi next to her. The thief looked up and gave him a knowing grin, which he returned.

"You seem to be in a much better mood than yesterday."

He looked over, a little startled, to see his mother staring up at him, brow raised.

His cheeks heated in shame as he remembered last night. His mother had seen his outburst, too. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I... talked to Tali about it."

Hannah nodded, seeming pleased. "That's good. She was pretty upset before. I'm glad you apologised." she raised another brow, her last sentence almost coming out as a question.

He laughed a little. "Yeah, I did. We're good now."

She touched his cheek, suddenly looking concerned. "Are you alright, John? You've been acting oddly since we got here."

He looked away, staring out at the sparkling water of the beach. "I'm better," he admitted, words echoing what he'd said to Tali. "Just wondering why I'm still alive, is all."

Her eyes alighted with somber understanding, and she smiled at him. "Guilt is a terrible thing." she agreed. "But that doesn't give you a free pass to be a jackass to your wife." she added with a mock-stern tone.

He laughed. "No, it doesn't. But she seems to have forgiven me."

"Good." his mother wrapped her arms around him, and he was almost surprised at how tiny and fragile she looked. His mother had always seemed tall to him as a child, her strength giving her height. It made him feel strangely old.

"Now," she began, pulling away from him. "How are the wedding plans coming along?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I'm ah, not quite sure. I've been focused on finishing the house."

Another raised brow. "So, no guest list? Food choices? Location? Date? Clothing—"

"I have a suit," he said hurriedly, glad that he could at least say he had something planned.

She laughed. "And I'm assuming that someone helped you with that?"

"Well, sort of. Tali picked out the one I'll be wearing, at least." his grin spread as he thought back to her enthusiastic agreement of his choice of clothing for the wedding.

His mother smiled at the look on his face. "Indeed. It seems I'll have to talk to Tali to see where the plans are and help out." she patted his arm, turning to head towards where Kasumi and Tali stood. "I'm glad that you're feeling better, John."

He smiled at her. "I am too."

* * *

"I don't want to go shopping!"

Kasumi rolled her eyes. "Come on, you heard Shep's mom. We gotta start getting ready for the wedding."

Tali fumed silently behind her mask, leaning back against the seat of the aircar she sat in.

After Hannah had come over to ask about the wedding plans, Kasumi had announced that since Tali didn't have any proper formal wear, shopping was in order.

Tali hated shopping. The only things she ever bought were combat and tech upgrades for her omni-tool and suit. Superfluous credit-spending—and on _clothes,_ no less—was almost beyond her comprehension.

The thief was flying them towards a small town that had been erected on Rannoch since the war had stopped, hoping to find something dressy for Tali to wear.

"So, you like Shep's tux?"

"His what?"

Kasumi made a vague gesture. "You know, his suit. You seem to have really liked it."

Her face heated. "Er, yes."

Her friend snickered. "He _does_ look pretty hot in it. Now if we can get you something that'll make him react the same way you did, we'll be set."

Her cheeks warmed again, but not because of embarrassment. Shepard had always been very appreciative of her body, but the thought of evoking such a response from him simply by wearing clothing made her shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"So, I take it you guys are all good now?"

steamy thoughts were interrupted by Kasumi's question, something Tali was grateful for. "Mostly."

"Mostly?"

Tali nodded. "He apologised and everything, and we've been more... ah, close," she added, making the thief grin. "But he still seems a little distant."

Kasumi shrugged. "I don't think it's anything to worry about. Judging from his talk with Garrus in the mess, he's a got a lot on his mind. It'll just take a bit of time."

Tali had come to the same conclusion, but it calmed her to know that Kasumi felt the same about the whole situation.

"Speaking of Garrus, he seems cute when he's being your big brother. You know, in a really terrifying way."

Tali smiled. "I'm just glad Shepard didn't punch him back. A fistfight between those two would end badly."

"I'm surprised Shep didn't," Kasumi said, pulling the car down near a parking space, them having located the town. "I mean, he's usually pretty laid-back, but his ninja-soldier skills tend to kick in when somebody attacks him."

Tali laughed as they both stepped out of the car, looking around at the tiny town that greeted them.

Construction equipment was everywhere. The town was actually quite big, but didn't have many real buildings—it was mostly made up of prefabs and spaceships, opened up and converted into shops.

"Hey, I think they sell fabric and stuff over there!" Kasumi pointed to a shop, which looked to be a section of a quarian liveship being used as a clothing store.

"Come on. We're going to go buy you something that'll make Shep drool."

Tali sighed as her friend dragged her over to the store front. She hoped this torture would be worth it.

* * *

She stood in front of the mirror, staring at herself.

After about an hour of looking around at various aesthetic fabric attachments that could be put on her suit, she and Kasumi had found this.

It was a mauve-coloured fabric, switched out for her usual dark Zorah purples that adorned her suit, twining around her body. The material was silky to touch and had elegant dark lines tracing looping patterns around her.

The material flowed down from her hood and clipped onto the gold choker at her neck, with the extra fabric falling off of her shoulders. It wrapped around her waist and almost reached her knees, giving more of a dress-like shape.

Kasumi had removed all of her "icky" utility belts, swapping the three thin ones under her breasts for a single thick one, brushed with a gold colour. Gold bangles jingled at her wrists whenever she moved, and the belt at her waist had been removed entirely.

"Man, that looks good." Kasumi said, leaning back in a chair and looking pleased with her handiwork.

Tali grudgingly agreed. The material accentuated her hips and the thick belt under her bust made her breasts look bigger. Shepard had never complained—in fact he seemed quite pleased with her assets—but looking at the big-busted asari and women like Miranda sometimes made her feel inadequate.

"You think so?" she asked, twisting in front of the mirror to look at herself.

The thief nodded. "If I was gay I'd totally have sex with you."

Her cheeks flamed and she glared at Kasumi's form through the mirror.

"What? It's a compliment. Come on," she said, getting up from the chair. "Let's go pay for this stuff."

"Then can we go?" she asked hopefully.

Kasumi raised a brow from beneath your hood. "You suck at being a girl. And no," she added, grinning. "Now, we shop for me."

Tali groaned.

* * *

"Fuck!"

He cradled his hand between his legs as he knelt on the roof, teeth gritted in pain.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—"

"Jonathan! What's going on up there?"

"Nothing!" he called down to his mother. He pulled his hand up to study it, frowning at the sight that greeted him.

He'd slammed his thumb with the hammer by accident, and now the nail was cracked, blood forming a thick clot underneath it.

"Doesn't sound like nothing! Get down here!"

"Roof's not done yet! I'm fine!"

"The hell you are! Get down, now!"

He glowered, blowing out a breath. He stood up, walking towards the ladder. When he slid down, his mother rushed over, eyes searching him for injury.

"What happened?"

"Hit my hand, is all. It's—"

She grabbed the hand he was nursing, eyes widening when she saw his thumb.

"Jesus, what did you do? Hit it with a hammer?"

"Yes," he hissed, pain shooting down his knuckle as his mother poked and twisted at his hand.

She tsked at him. "Come on, sit down. I'll get some medi-gel."

"It's—"

She interrupted him again. "I'm not letting you up there like that. You won't be able to work properly and you'll hurt yourself again."

He sighed, walking over to the small table that Kasumi and Tali had been using, flopping down into a chair under the umbrella and staring out at the ocean.

His mother appeared a minute later with a tiny canister of medi-gel and some gauze. She sat down next to him and pulled his hand onto the table, dabbing the thumb with gel.

"And, seeing as I'm already patching up your hand, what happened to your face?"

"Garrus punched me." he replied, watching her smear gel on his cracked nail.

She stopped her attentions, looking up at him with raised brows. "And why did he punch you?"

"He didn't approve of my behaviour."

Her lips twitched. "I see. You seem to have collected a very odd family, John. Turian and krogan brother, quarian wife." she shook her head, grinning down at his thumb, which she'd begun bandaging.

He laughed. "Not surprising. I'm very likeable."

The grin on his mother's face widened, but she said nothing, letting the silence provide her reply to his comment.

"There," she said a moment later. "Your thumb is fixed." she looked up at his jaw, then reached out and dabbed some medi-gel onto the cuts made by bony knuckles.

"Thanks," he said, studying the gauzed appendage when she was done with his face. "Guess I should go finish working on the roof."

"You realise that there are people who went to school for these kinds of tasks, right? You can even pay them to do it for you." she commented, smile still in place.

He frowned. "I can do it. It's not heart surgery or anything."

"Not for the people who went to school for architecture, it isn't." she said, looking at his thumb pointedly.

He sighed. "It's fine. Tali's got the electrical stuff down. All I need to do is hammer boards together."

The likely smart-ass comment his mother was about to make was drowned out by the sound of an aricar landing near them. Tali and Kasumi unfolded out of the passenger and driver's seat, both of them holding bags.

Tali walked over to them, plunking down into a chair and sighing, throwing her burden onto the table.

"Have fun shopping?" he asked, and she glared at him.

"No."

"Awh, why not?" Kasumi complained, standing next to Tali's chair.

"It's so boring."

"What did you buy?" he inquired, moving to open the bag she'd set on the table.

Kasumi snatched it from him and held it close her. "You're not allowed to see."

"Why not? She saw my suit."

"Because you're just the groom. It's bad luck to see her in her dressy stuff before the wedding."

He sighed. "Fine. I'm going to finish the roof."

"Keelah, what happened to your hand?" Tali snatched it, studying his thumb. He resisted the urge to sigh again.

"I just hit it. I'm fine now."

"Shouldn't you think about hiring someone to help with the house?"

His mother, damn her, snickered as she cleaned up the medical supplies she'd brought, collecting them and walking back towards the Normandy.

This time, he did sigh.

* * *

This turned out fluffier than I expected, but I enjoyed writing it too much to change it up. Plus, who doesn't like fluff?


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: You people are all truly glorious human beings. I just want to thank you for all the feedback—this story wouldn't have been half as good as it is otherwise.

And this chapter took a long time, I know. I've suffered a terrible bout of writer's block, and Life seems to have made it impossible for me to find a quiet space to work for an hour or so.

This story is also nearing the end, with only a few chapters left after it. My impatience had gotten the better of me and I actually began writing up the first chapter of my new story. Super excited!

Anyway, I'll stop talking. I hope you enjoy this labour of love, as they say, and tell me what you think.

* * *

**Chapter 18: A Place to Rest Our Heads**

He watched Tali travel slowly down the hallway, fingers gliding against the newly-painted walls.

The house was complete, finally. Fortunately he hadn't suffered any other injuries, and he took pride in knowing that a great deal of the construction was a result of his work.

She hadn't said a word since they'd walked through the front door. Her eyes had flicked around with an almost unbelieving awe, as if she had thought she were in a dream.

Tali wandered into the kitchen and he followed her, watching as she opened dark wooden cupboards and slid her hands across the polished marble counter tops.

"You like it?" he asked quietly.

She looked over at him, nodding. He could practically see her smile and watering eyes.

"I love it."

She walked over and wrapped her arms around him, face buried in his chest. "Thank you." she whispered.

He laughed, arms going around her. "You might want to hold off on thanking me until we make sure nothing falls apart."

She laughed, sniffling. "It's beautiful, John."

He smiled down at her. "Why don't we see the rest of the house?"

* * *

Everything seemed surreal to her.

Each room was filled with homey furniture, the walls painted warm colours. Soft lights gave the whole house a pleasant, warm glow and was furnished with inviting décor.

It really was a beautiful house. Everything was comfortable and open, perfect for both friendly company and a quiet day at home.

They were on the second floor now, and as she pushed the door open to their bedroom her eyes widened.

A massive bed dominated the floor space, the mattress covered in earthy-toned bed sheets and fluffy pillows. A floor-to-ceiling window covered one wall, sun shining into the room and giving a break-taking view of the ocean.

On another wall was a door that opened up into a huge closet, one that Tali couldn't ever hope to fill with clothing. She walked over to it, stepping inside.

"Keelah, this is bigger than my bedroom back on the Rayya." she commented, looking around at the multitude of racks and drawers, the cream carpet soft under her feet.

She heard Shepard laugh behind her. "The closet was Kasumi's idea. I have no clue how we're going to fill it, but at least we've got a lot of storage."

She walked back out, looking around to see if she'd missed anything.

She had. Beside the bed was a door that lead into a bathroom. As she walked in, she felt her jaw drop.

Dark marble counter tops lined an entire wall, with individual sinks for both her and Shepard. An elegantly framed mirror hung above it, its reflective surface making the room look even larger.

A toilet sat in one corner, white and polished. But what amazed her the most was the shower.

It took up about half of the wall opposite the counters, dark tiles and a glass door. Shower jets lined the walls, interfaces showing a dozen different settings. It was so big that she could likely fit four or five people inside.

"Shower was also Kasumi's idea, but I agree a lot more with this decision." Shepard said, grinning.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing to the corner farthest away from the door, in which sat an odd contraption.

"It's a bathtub. A damn big bathtub, but a bathtub no less."

She looked at him, slightly confused. She'd heard the word before but never really knew what it was.

He saw her confused expression and explained. "It's like a shower, but you can lie down in it. Plus it looks like there's jets, so it's almost like a hot tub."

"It looks like it can fit two people." she said, smiling.

His grin widened. "I wonder why that is?"

She stepped closer to him, hands sliding up his arms to wrap around his neck. "Why don't we find out?"

He laughed, tugging her closer. Then his eyes alighted and he grinned down at her. "I have to show you one more thing."

He tugged on her hand, guiding her back into the bedroom. He walked over to the door, coming to stand just beside it. In front of him was a small panel, and when he pressed a button on it a calm voice came out of it.

_"Decontamination in progress." _

He looked over at her, smiling at her surprised expression. "You don't think we'd have this lavish bedroom without being able to properly use it, would you?"

She unlatched her mask, setting it onto the small table next to her. The scent of sawdust and fresh paint filled her nose, but all her concentration was set on Shepard.

He grabbed her and pulled her onto the bed, hoping to God no one else came into the house.

* * *

"This is so comfy." she said, spreading her arms across the mattress.

Shepard laughed. "It'll be difficult to get out of." he agreed.

She rolled over to him, curling up beside him. "Maybe we should just stay here all day."

He thought that that was a grand idea. The house had been finished late last night, and Tali had woken up almost before dawn wanting to see it. Staying in bed, alternately sleeping and having sex, seemed like a great plan—almost like an early honeymoon. Maybe later they'd go downstairs and cook something in their new kitchen and explore the rest of the house, as Tali had seen little of it.

As the completion of the structure had drawn near, Shepard had made sure that Tali stayed away, not wanting her to see it until it was finished. He'd burned through most of the money Hackett had given them, but had been saved from complete bankruptcy by Kasumi, whose thieving days had racked up a lot of credits.

He heard an incredulous laugh beside him and looked over to see Tali looking about the room with a faint smile.

"What is it?"

"I just can't believe that we've got a real home now. And on Rannoch, too." she shook her head, smile growing wider. "I always dreamed of having a big house on the homeworld when I was a kid, but I never thought that it would actually happen." she looked over at him, a playful grin on her face. "Or a handsome Commander to sleep with."

He allowed a smug look to cross his features. "Seems I've made all your dreams come true, hm?"

She snorted. "Please, Shepard. You wouldn't have lived through half the things you did without me. If anything, I was the one that did all the work."

"Really now?"

She giggled. "It's more like I made sure you kept living all these years so that I could bring you here and let you build me a house."

He burst out laughing and pulled her close. "If you say so."

They lay there for a while, content with the simple sound of each other's breathing and the distant crashing waves of the ocean.

"Keelah, I'm so comfortable. I don't want to get up." Tali said, breaking the silence. Her words were followed closely by a growling stomach and she laughed. "But I'm also really hungry."

He grinned down at her. "Maybe we should go explore the kitchen and see what we find."

"There's already food in it?"

He nodded. "My mother and Kasumi took care of that as well." he hefted himself off the bed, grabbing his clothes and beginning to pull them on. "Come on. Let's go see what we can find."

* * *

"Can we come in? You guys aren't naked or doing anything weird, right?"

Kasumi heard a distant laugh from Shepard in the kitchen. "What do you count as weird?" he called back.

She snickered and opened the front door wide, walking down the hallway and into the kitchen, which was illuminated by Tikkun's bright rays.

Shepard sat at the tiny island in the middle of the room, devouring a massive sandwich, which looked to be loaded with an assortment of meats and fresh vegetables, all supplied by her luxurious bank accounts. Shep had at first refused any financial aid whatsoever, but had caved when she'd asked him if he wanted his wife to do without just because he was too stubborn to ask for help?

Said wife was leaning on the other side of the island, spinning around an empty nutrient tube on the counter.

"Well, you two look like you've already gotten yourselves settled in." Garrus said behind her.

Shepard grinned, looking up from his sandwich. "Hard not to. Furniture's damn comfortable."

"I have a feeling that you're not talking about the couches." the turian commented, walking over to the fridge and helping himself to food.

"I seem to be learning a lot more about my son's sexual habits than I should be." Hannah said, a slight smile on her face. "The house really is lovely, though." she walked over to the small sitting room that opened up from the kitchen, running her hand along the soft material of the couch cushions.

Shepard stood up from his seat at the counter, grinning. "You haven't even seen The basement yet."

The thief raised a brow. "What did you do down there?"

He jerked his head towards the direction of the door. "Come see."

This comment piqued the interest of the others, and they followed him to the basement door, all travelling down the wooden stairs and coming to stand on hard flooring. The room was pitch dark.

Shepard disappeared for a moment, walking over to the glowing control panel on the wall beside them, turning on the lights. They were all a little speechless at what appeared before them.

The room was massive, walls and floor made up of bare concrete. In one corner was a firing range, racks of guns placed on the wall for easy access. Another corner sported full work-out equipment, stocked with punching bags, sparring mats, and a plethora of weights and other gear. These were both illuminated by long stretches of light fixtures above, with not one nook hidden in shadow.

The third corner housed a bar, with three fridges behind the counter, stocked with what Kasumi assumed were water, booze, and energy drinks.

"This has to be the biggest man-cave I've ever seen."

Shepard laughed. "Figured this would be useful to stay sharp now that we won't be going on suicide missions every other day."

"Better not show James this," Garrus commented. "He won't ever leave."

Tali laughed. "Well, we'll have to keep the door locked this week."

Shepard raised a brow. "And why would we do that?"

She smiled. "Everyone's coming for the wedding."

Kasumi suppressed her laughter at the sight of Shepard's surprised expression. "This week? Jesus, when were you going to tell me?"

"Right now."

Kasumi giggled. "Don't worry, Shep. You don't have to do much. Just show up in your 007 tux and you've done your part."

* * *

"Do you know how to cook?"

Tali looked up from the view of the ocean to see Hannah standing next to her.

"Er, not really. The only quarians that really know how to cook are the ones who lived in the agriculture ships and handled the food."

Hannah nodded. "Would you like to learn how? Admittedly, I'm not a chef or anything, but I've cooked a fair amount of John's meals when he was a boy; he never really liked the cooks on any of the ships we lived on."

Tali laughed. "Sure. Once I'm able to eat whole food, it would be a good idea to learn how to cook."

They wandered over to the counter, Hannah heading to the fridge and rifling through the "dextro" side of the steel appliance. She came out of its depths holding a couple of fruits, closing the door with her foot.

"We should start with making something easy, like a salad."

Tali watched her as she prepared the meal, cutting thin slices of the fruits. Most of the time she stayed quiet, only asking the occasional question. Like her son, Hannah was a good teacher. She was patient and would go over things multiple times to show you what to do.

"What was Shepard like?"

Hannah looked up from the cutting board. "What do you mean?"

"As a child. He knows all about me, but he never really talked about his personal life. Keelah, I had to sleep with him for him to tell me his first name." her eyes widened and she clapped a hand over her audio port. "I-I don't... I didn't mean—"

Hannah laughed. "It's alright, honey. And as a child? He was a lunatic."

Tali giggled, feeling the heat slowly begin to fade from her cheeks. "I'm not surprised."

"He was always on the go, and I don't think I ever saw him without some sort of cut or scratch on his face." Hannah shook her head, meal forgotten. "The amount of times John hurt himself doing things he wasn't supposed to..." she laughed. "I remember once when he was twelve, I got a call from the school he was going to that he'd climbed up into the rafters of the ship in the play yard. I went over and found him telling all of the kids in the school yard that he was king of the world." she laughed. "Then I yelled at him to get down, and about halfway to the ground he slipped and fell. Clumsy bastard broke his arm."

Tali bit the inside of her cheek to keep from bursting into laughter. "And then?"

"We got him over to the ship's nurse and had him all fixed up. He took some time off school, and when he went back, he told me all the kids called him a badass."

They laughed for a small time, and then Hannah's expression sobered. "So many stories like that. I think he did some of the things he did because he was lonely. His father and I were away a lot on military duties." she shook her head. "We moved around so often. He'd make friends, then a week later we'd fly to another system. Broke his heart every time." Hannah's eyes looked suspiciously bright, and she played with the cutting knife she still held in her hand. "I hated doing it to him. Sometimes I thought about quitting the Alliance and buying a home on earth or a human colony." she sighed. "But I never did. I was too selfish—loved my job too much. But maybe him losing so many friends was a good thing." she looked up at Tali. "He seems to have lost a great deal of them during the war. It's good that he's able to cope, at least to some degree."

Tali smiled at her. "He seems to have had an eventful childhood."

Hannah laughed. "That he did. He was a good kid; he respected other people and was fiercely idealistic." she smiled. "He'd gotten into a fair number of fights standing up for people. He hated bullies and cowards. Though I'm sure you know that."

Tali laughed, eyes watering a little. Just hearing his mother talk about him made him seem all the more real. More human and flawed, just like everybody else. He wasn't some perfect Commander that saved the galaxy; at the end of the day, he went to sleep with the same choices and regrets that other people did. Just on a more larger scale.

She heard boots on the hardwood and Shepard appeared in the kitchen. He looked over at them, his gaze turning instantly cautious at the sight of them sniffling at the kitchen counter.

She could see him struggling to form words, and Tali laughed, extending a hand out to him. "Come here."

He did so warily, eyes flicking between the two women crying. "Is there a problem?"

Hannah smiled, wiping her eyes. "Of course not. Just talking."

She heard him mutter something about women, walking over to the cutting board and peering at its contents.

"Making lunch, I see?"

"Yes, but it isn't for you." Hannah batted him away. "You'll get sick if you eat that."

He grunted, moving over to the fridge and looking around for food. The man always seemed to be hungry. "When's everyone getting here?" he asked, coming out with fixings for another sandwich. "For the wedding, I mean?"

"Well," Hannah began. "The invitations have been sent out, so everyone should get here in the next couple days or so."

He raised a brow. "You can set up a wedding in that short a time?"

His mother grinned at him. "Of course. It's the food that will be the biggest issue. We'll have to do some serious baking. Calling a catering service wouldn't do well if you don't want anyone finding out about the wedding."

He nodded, looking like he was trying to keep a smile off of his face. "That why you're teaching Tali how to cook? Be a good housewife and all that?"

"I'm going to smack you. Now get out of the kitchen." he laughed, picking up his now complete sandwich.

"I'll leave you women to your work!" he called from the safety of the hallway.

Tali picked up one of the fruits and hurled it at him, hearing him laugh and jump away from the projectile.

Hannah sighed. "Did I mention that he's the biggest smart-ass I've ever met?"

* * *

Shepard sat down beside her on the blanket, pulling her close.

It was evening now, and everyone had gone back to the Normandy to allow them some privacy.

They sat in front of the fireplace in the small seating area and opened up from the kitchen, sitting on one of the soft throws from the couch.

"This is nice. Like a campfire, but without any wind." she said, leaning against him.

Shepard made a sound of agreement, arm tightening around her. "Are you happy?" he asked quietly.

She smiled up at him. "Really happy, John. The house is beautiful. Thank you."

"You built half of it." he said, smiling at her. "But it wasn't a problem, Tali. You deserve this after all the shit we've been through."

"What about you? How are you doing?"

"I'm happy." he said honestly. "I've got a roof over my head, good food, warm bed," he grinned at her. "And a beautiful wife who I'm medically instructed to have sex with in order to bolster her immune system. I'd say I've got it pretty good."

She laughed. "I'm glad you're so appreciative."

He pulled her down onto the blanket with him, pulling her close and wrapping themselves in the soft throw. "And I'm glad you're so eager to follow the doctor's orders."

She blushed but said nothing, instead snuggling against him. "I love you, Shepard."

"And I you."

They slowly drifted off to sleep, the last sound heard by either of them being the other's soft breathing.

* * *

Mega cheesy, I know. But, I'm afraid it'll get even cheesier with the wedding, which will take place in the next two chapters. Woohoo!


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Oh my god, you don't know how fun this chapter was to write. Seriously.

* * *

**Chapter 19: Obstacles **

"You put that down right now. You've already had one."

Her son looked up from the tray of goodies he was surveying to see her glaring at him, specifically at the decorated cracker he held in his palm.

A grin spread across his face and he popped it into his mouth before she could stop him.

Her eyes flared and she took a step towards him. "Jonathan William Shepard, so help me God if you eat another—" he inhaled another one and immediately jumped away with amazing speed, dodging her threatening hand.

_"Get out!"_

"What's going on?" Tali walked in, seeing Shepard grinning and backing away from Hannah, hands held up in surrender.

"My mother's going crazy." he replied.

"Get him out of here. He's eating all the damn food." she said, glaring at him.

Tali giggled, pulling on his arm. "Come on. It wouldn't be very good for you to get a black eye right before the wedding, hm?" Shepard allowed Tali to pull him away, grinning over his shoulder at his mother, who shot daggers back at him.

"Keelah, do you always try to antagonise your mother?" she asked when they were out of the house.

"Whenever possible." he said, chuckling. He offered her his arm, which she took.

"How are the preparations going?" he asked.

"Pretty well. It's a little more difficult to move around now that the whole crew has shown up, but the extra hands are useful."

Almost everyone had arrived yesterday, mostly in tiny packs with the occasional straggler on their own. Many were bunking in the Normandy, but their new house had a few spare bedrooms for those that couldn't fit in the ship.

Although Shepard was glad that the crew was here, he couldn't help but wish that they'd find somewhere else to sleep. He had planned to spend a couple private days alone with Tali before everything got crazy with the wedding, but now there were too many people in their home.

As they headed down the path from the house he looked over at the beach, seeing Kasumi, Jack, Traynor and a couple others enjoying the warm sun and cool water.

He backed away from Tali, jerking his head towards the beach. "I'll, ah, catch up with you later, alright? I need to talk to Kasumi."

She cocked her head in confusion, but simply nodded, watching him jog off. He had an almost embarrassed look on his face, and she wondered what he wanted to talk to the thief about.

She continued on back towards the Normandy, pulling up a mental checklist of all the things they still needed to get ready for the wedding. Hannah was using the kitchen in their home for half of the cooking, with Raan and Chakwas assisting, and the Normandy's kitchen was being dominated by Gardner, who insisted that he supervise the baking of the cakes and other sweet foodstuffs.

They still needed decorations though, and enough seating for everyone—

"Tali. May I speak with you a moment?"

She jerked from her thoughts to see Gerrel staring at her, attempting to look friendly. She narrowed her eyes warily.

"Yes?"

He cleared his throat, gesturing for her to continue walking. He fell into step beside her, quiet for a moment.

"I see that you've built a lovely home." he commented after an awkward silence.

"Shepard helped quite a bit. I'd even be able to give him credit for half of the work." she said, smiling faintly.

Gerrel looked completely unamused, making her force herself not to sigh. So much time spent around friends and family had allowed her to put her guard down. She needed to be careful what she said around this man. It was something she had gotten quite good at over the years; she simply pretended she was speaking to her father. They were practically carbon copies of one another, anyway.

"About Shepard. I see that you and the Commander have grown quite close."

"We have." she said neutrally.

"Do you think that is a wise decision?"

She stopped, staring at him. "What?"

He looked back at her. "I simply meant that I don't think your father would approve."

Her anger flared. "And?"

Gerrel looked at her as of she were a particularly slow child who needed everything explained to them. "As your uncle—"

"You're not my uncle."

He looked surprised at this. "That hurts me that you think that Tali, truly."

She gave an exasperated laugh. "Why? You've never made an effort to spend time with me, as a child or an adult, and you didn't even come talk to me after my father died." she clenched her teeth, forcing back tears, pushing forwards with her anger. "And you almost had Shepard, Garrus and I killed on that dreadnought! I don't know what you think 'uncle' means, but it certainly isn't that!"

He sighed. "I may not have been the warmest towards you, but I care a great deal about you, Tali. And I have much respect for your father, who I'm sure would think that you could do better. Shepard isn't a quarian, or even a technician, for that matter—"

"Do better? Do _better?_ Do you know who you're talking about? That man is the reason we're on Rannoch, the reason we were able to make peace with the geth, and the reason that I'm alive! I couldn't have asked for better!" she clenched her fists, glaring at Gerrel.

The Admiral sighed again. "And I can't thank the Commander enough for his achievements. But that doesn't mean I think him a worthy man for you."

"So he's good enough to save our people from wars and provide us with homes, but not good enough to deserve happiness with someone?" she gave another humourless laugh, talking more quietly. "If this is how the quarians treat their heroes, I'm ashamed to call myself one."

"Don't ever say that!" his anger was getting the better of him, as it always did. "You've spent too much time around aliens, Tali! You've forgotten what it means to be one of our people!"

She suddenly found herself feeling exhausted at his words. Her voice was quiet when she spoke. "When I stood on trial for treason, it wasn't my people who helped me. It was Shepard and the Normandy crew." she said, tears stinging her eyes. Her people, who were supposed to be her family, her friends, were the very ones that had tried to condemn her to a life of exile. Only Shepard, an alien captain, had stepped up to defend her, without frown or complaint.

She walked away from Gerrel, fists balled up tightly. He did not call out any more remarks of denial; she had slapped him in the face with the truth, something that he could not fight.

Rage boiled inside her. Anger over the realisation of how little her own species had ever aided her. Anger at being reminded of how imperfect a man her father truly was, with his prejudices and single-mindedness, a trait that bordered on neglect with how little time he'd ever spent with his family.

She had forced herself to put aside those memories of his failures as a parent when he died, of being ignored or yelled at to move out of the way, trying to focus on the good in him. But now, his faults came flooding back to her, along with a tide of bitterness.

Never again would she immortalise the dead. Forgetting their faults simply because they no longer drew breath did not make those faults any less real.

_Even dead, he still causes unhappiness in my life. Sometimes I'm almost glad he's gone._

* * *

Kasumi sat on a folding chair in the sand, soaking up every bit of sun she could. Tikkun was warm enough to heat the skin, but dim enough to not make a person have to squint all the time. It was an almost addictive combination.

Miranda lay on a towel close to her, trying to get some colour for the wedding. Kasumi wasn't an insecure person by any means, but bikini models would likely weep at the sight of that woman's curves.

Most of the female crew of the Normandy was present on the beach, all wanting to tan up before having to get all dressy for The Big Day. The thief scanned the sandy shores, watching the various women tanning, talking, or swimming. She noticed a particularly observant Traynor, making Kasumi snicker. The woman must be having a hay-day with all the half-naked chicks on the beach.

She heard feet on the sand and looked over to see Shepard walking towards her.

"Hey, go away! No guys allowed!"

He raised a brow, eyes flicking around at the half-nude beach party going on around them. "What are you doing?"

"Getting tan before the wedding." she said, waggling a finger at him. "No looking. You've already got a hot wife."

He rolled his eyes. "I'll try not to fall into temptation." he fidgeted, suddenly looking nervous. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

She grinned, hopping off of her chair and grabbing a small shrug to cover herself up. "Sure." she lead him farther down the beach, away from everyone else, wondering what he wanted to talk about that made him so nervous.

When they were alone, she turned to him. "What's up?"

He fidgeted again, staring at the ground. "Can... can you teach me how to dance?"

She bit down on her tongue hard, trying not to laugh, but a tiny snort escaped her.

He glared at her. "I'm serious."

She laughed. "You are so cute, Shep. Big tough guy trying to learn how to dance for his wife."

He sighed. "Can you help me or not? I know I'm not great at it, but maybe something simple..."

She nodded, grin never leaving her face. "Lemme just change, and we'll get started."

* * *

The sun really was nice after so much time spent aboard fluorescent space ships, Miranda thought, sighing at the softness of the sand under the towel she lay on.

Something suddenly blocked out the sun, casting her form in shadow. She opened her eyes and looked up to see Garrus standing in front of her, amused expression on his face.

"Enjoying the sun?"

"Indeed." she replied, pulling the towel up to try and cover herself. "Is there something you needed?"

"You know where Shepard is? Zaeed and Wrex and a bunch of others are down in the basement, but Shepard put one of those stupid old-fashioned locks on the liquor cabinet—"

"And you want to know where the key is." she finished, smiling despite herself.

Garrus chuckled. "I don't think he'd like me shooting the lock off."

She nodded her head towards the direction the thief and the Commander went. "Shepard said he needed to talk to Goto, and they both went that way. Why don't you just call his omni-tool?"

"I think he has it shut off. I already tried that. And thanks." the turian nodded, walking off in the direction she'd specified.

Miranda lay back down on her towel, continuing her sunbathing and smiling to herself.

_Men_.

* * *

The sight that greeted Garrus was one he didn't think he'd ever forget.

He found Kasumi and Shepard in a secluded area of the beach after wandering around for a few minutes, rocks spiking up from the ground and creating a closed off place where one could do as they pleased.

And they were dancing.

It must have been a human dance. It was slow and looked like it would be one shared between intimates if it weren't for the awkward way Shepard held himself away from the thief.

The man in question must have felt eyes on him, because he looked up from staring at the movement of his feet to see Garrus standing there.

His eyes widened and he stopped, stepping away from Kasumi. The look on his face made it difficult for the turian not to burst into laughter.

"Oh, I am so telling Vega about this."

"Vakarian, I swear to God—"

Garrus turned heel and bolted, making for the house. Shepard was one fast son of a bitch, and he needed a good head start if he was ever going to make it.

"Garrus! You cuttle-boned fuck, get back here!" he heard boots churning up sand behind him, and he dug his toes in, gaining speed as they ran across the beach. They ran past the women tanning, and the turian could picture them staring wide-eyed at the scene playing out before them, not having the time to see if his visualisation was an accurate one.

Garrus made it to the path up to the house, but he could hear Shepard gaining on him. He drove himself forward, running as if his life depended on it.

Maybe it did.

He banged through the front door, barreling down the hallway. He made it as far as the kitchen before he felt Shepard launch into him, sending them flying into the kitchen table, chairs and table crashing down with them.

"Jesus!" he heard a shout, probably from Hannah. He couldn't see too well, as Shepard currently had an arm in his face. They wrestled to untangle themselves from one another, kicking and flailing their limbs.

Shepard managed to free himself from his friend and the knocked over table legs, getting to his feet and grabbing a knife from the counter, brandishing it at Garrus as soon as he stood up.

"Don't you dare, Garrus. You won't live past this afternoon if you do."

"I don't think you will, either, if I tell them." the turian replied, grinning.

Shepard raised a challenging brow. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I suppose you wouldn't mind then if I told them about the Citadel, then."

"What?"

Shepard smiled. "You know, at the bar. We met that turian woman? What was it you said to her—"

Garrus pointed a finger at him. "Shut the hell up about that."

"Goes both ways."

The turian's shoulders sagged in defeat. "Fine." he relented, turning to go back to the basement. Remembering the original reason he'd gone to find Shepard, he stopped and looked back. "Can I have the key to the liquor cabinet, by the way?"

"Go fuck yourself." Shepard said casually, putting the knife down on the table. "Pardon my language." he added to his mother, Chakwas and Raan, who all stood there in shock.

"What the hell is going on?" Hannah said finally, eyes shifting between her son and Garrus.

Shepard shook his head. "Nothing." he began walking towards the front door, giving Garrus a significant look.

"You're not going anywhere until you clean this mess up, Jonathan. And you aren't allowed in this kitchen again until we're finished, you understand me?"

Shepard sighed, turning on his heel and heading back into the kitchen, bending down to pick up the furniture they'd knocked over.

"What the hell's all that noise?" he heard Zaeed's gravelly tone behind him, and he saw the scarred mercenary eyeing him as he set the chairs and table back in order.

"Nothing. Just teaching Vakarian what happens if he opens his mouth about shit he isn't supposed to."

* * *

Tali sat at the edge of the cliff, arms wrapped around her knees as she stared at the ocean, feeling drained.

She had grieved for her father, both for the man that he was and the man that he could have been. She wished that he was here, to see all that had been accomplished for her people, but anger kept creeping in. He wouldn't be happy or proud; he would only focus on the fact that she'd be marrying an alien.

She ached for Shepard, wanting to talk to him, to feel the strength of his arms and the calming sound of his voice.

Maybe she'd go find him. She hoped he wasn't with anyone—

"Tali?"

As if her thoughts had conjured him, she heard him speak softly behind her.

She turned, and without a word, she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, hugging tightly.

She felt his chest rumble with faint laughter at her sudden contact, but he reciprocated the action. "You alright?"

"No."

He pulled back a little, blue eyes holding concern. "What's wrong?"

"I talked with Gerrel this morning." she said by way of explanation.

His eyes narrowed. "What did he say to you?"

She fidgeted. "Just that, well, I shouldn't be with you. He and my father would almost become the same person sometimes. It's no wonder he doesn't approve."

She watched John's jaw clench, gaze holding blue fire. "I'll give that bastard a piece of my mind."

She grabbed his arm. "Please, don't."

"Why not?" he asked, looking more menacing by the moment. He always seemed to grow larger when enraged, as if anger stretched out his bones.

"Because he'll think I sent you after him. Shepard, it isn't a big deal. I won't not be with you just because some idiot says otherwise." she hugged herself close to him again. "Just stay here for a while with me."

He held her again, and she felt the rigidness slowly fade from him. "Are you okay?" he asked again.

She sighed. "I don't know." she looked up at him quickly. "I'm very happy about getting married and being here with you, but it seems that my father keeps popping up, even dead. It's just a little unsettling."

He smiled down at her. "Anything I can do to distract you from that?"

She returned the smile, drawing closer to him. "I can think of a couple things, but there are too many people in the house for most of them."

He laughed. "There's always the Normandy's cabin. Bed isn't as soft, but I'm sure we can make do."

"We always do." she said, pulling him close.

* * *

Omg, wedding is next. This may take a while, so I greatly apologise in advance if the next update may be far away. It will also either be the last or second last chapter, depending on how much I write out.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Well aren't I a goddamn liar. I said that this would take a while, but then right after I sat down and typed out this ridiculously long chapter. And man, this has a lot more swearing and slurs in it than I thought it would, for some odd reason.

And, looking at all the suggestions you people have given me about where to look for inspiration for the wedding, I found that I liked Rockycombo's the best, as it fits nicely with the proposal lines I had Shep say. Plus Rocky did an awesome job.

Therefore, some, though not all, of the ideas and customs in the wedding are based off of Rockycombo's fic, _In Love and War._ I've spiced it up with some of my own ideas, but a lot of it is built off of his take on quarian culture.

* * *

**Chapter 20: The Wedding**

Hannah was not one for tears, but the sight of her son made it difficult to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat.

With everything set up, his whole crew had arrived at the house and had begun to mingle before the ceremony started. John stood there talking to who she _thought_ was Jacob—she had a hard time remembering everyone's name—holding a glass of whiskey in his hand.

He was dressed up in the suit Kasumi had picked out for him, and John cleaned up remarkably well. The clothing looked as if it were tailored to fit him, and coupled with bright blue, intelligent eyes, a warm smile on full lips, and a strong jaw covered with light stubble, she noticed several of the female crew members eyeing him with appreciation.

Though it wasn't how handsome he was that made her tear up—though she took a great deal of pride in knowing that at least half of her genes were what made him up. It was how happy he looked. The difference between him now and just a few months before was astonishing. He had always had a commanding presence, but it seemed to intensify with his mood, and he practically commanded the entire room's attention with what he was saying, even if he didn't know it.

And, of course, as a mother, she was extremely happy that he'd found someone whom he wanted to share his life with, and she couldn't have been more pleased with his choice.

Tali was currently upstairs with Kasumi, getting her formal attire on. Hannah had asked if she could help, but had gotten a firm 'no' from the thief, who said that she could handle making Tali presentable. She had sympathised with the pleading, helpless look the quarian had given her at being the focus of such attention, but Hannah was at a loss to help when Kasumi had firmly shut the door on her and told her to guard the stairs so no one would come up.

Which lead to her current post in the hallway. Chakwas and Raan were the ones who most frequently spoke to her, as the older women had on occasion had difficulty relating to what the younger people of the crew were talking about. A lot of them were war stories, embellished and exaggerated for reasons of entertainment, although some of the craziness in their tales were, in fact, truth, which tended to boggle the mind at the fact that so many were still alive to tell about it.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, and she walked over to it. Opening it, she found one of the quarian Admirals. Han'Gerrel.

"Yes?" she asked, trying to sound polite. She had dealt with the man before back on Earth during meetings, and had found him to be abrasive and loud.

Before he could get a word out, his eyes widened at something over her shoulder. She turned to see John stalking down the hallway, looking far less amused than he had a moment ago.

He walked past her, grabbing Gerrel's shoulder and hauling him away from the house with a muttered comment about how he'd be back in a minute.

She closed the door slowly, wondering what that was about. She hoped whatever it was wouldn't turn into something ugly. The last thing they needed before the wedding was a fistfight.

* * *

Shepard shoved the Admiral far enough away from the house that yelling wouldn't be heard if it came to that.

"What the hell do you want?" he snarled when they'd gone a sufficient distance.

Gerrel looked back at him, trying to straighten from the submissive position he'd been holding himself in.

"I just wished to congratulate Tali and you on this happy occasion."

He took a step towards the man, and he could see the effort it took the Admiral not to back away. "You stay away from her, do you understand me?" he took another step, his face close to the man's mask. "You so much as breathe a negative comment in her direction, and I will hunt you down. She's been through enough shit because of this war and dealing with quarian politics. Tali doesn't need any more of your bullshit, especially today. You've got anything to say to her, you say it to me and only to me. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, Commander." The man said calmly, though Shepard could hear the fearful edge in the man's voice. "I see she told you about our earlier conversation." his tone had an arrogant tint to it, making Shepard ball his fists with the effort not to punch the man.

"She only told me because I asked her what was wrong. She didn't offer the information, but she certainly wasn't going to lie to me, either." he narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"

"As I said before, to congratulate you. I'm sure her father wouldn't approve of this pairing, but I've come to say that I feel differently."

He raised his arm as if to punch Gerrel, making the man flinch. "Get off my property."

The man straightened again, his pride puffing out his chest. "Of course, Commander."

Without checking to see if the man was indeed leaving, Shepard walked back to the house, rage filling his chest. Those words had been meant for Tali, and would have cut her deeply had she heard them. Her father's opinion was important to her, even if she never liked the man. To be reminded yet again that he would disapprove of a highly important decision in her life would be horrible for her, and Gerrel knew it.

Shepard knew the man didn't like him, though that hardly caused any lost sleep in his life. But the fact that he was using that dislike to get back at Shepard for making the Admiral look like a fool in front the whole of the quarian fleet when they were taking back Rannoch and attacking Tali with it filled Shepard with anger.

He arrived at the house and opened the door, seeing the worried face of his mother greet him. She looked a little relieved at the sight of him unbloodied from a fight, but the anxiety still lingered in her blue eyes.

"What was that about, John?"

"Just some insincere well-wishing." he said, passing her and others and walking into the kitchen. He needed a drink.

His mother was apparently unsatisfied with that explanation and followed him. When he stopped at a cupboard to grab a fresh glass, she came to stand beside him.

"You're going to have to tell me more than that."

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Gerrel doesn't like me or the fact that Tali and I are together. He told her yesterday that her father would strongly disapprove of it, and she took it pretty hard." he looked over at his mother. "Seems he wanted to try again today."

"The living are hardly at liberty to voice the thoughts of the dead." his mother said quietly. She sighed. "It's cruel to think he would do something like this on your wedding day, but I've never really pegged the man as tactful." she smiled up at him, touching his face. "Forget him, John. Be happy about today. His opinion won't change the way you feel."

He smiled faintly. "I know. I'm just worried that he'll upset Tali."

"I'll go check on her. Now drink your drink and enjoy the festivities."

He raised his still-empty glass, smiling._ "Slaínte."_

* * *

_"I'd have thought you'd choose better, Tali."_

"Hey!"

She looked up to see Kasumi staring at her and realised that she's drifted off in the middle of their conversation.

"What?"

The thief looked concerned. "You okay? You seem pretty out of it."

She nodded. "I'm fine."

Kasumi narrowed her eyes. "You suck at lying."

Tali sighed, sitting down on the bed. "Just thinking about my parents. Well, my father, anyway."

Kasumi sat down beside her. "You said he probably wouldn't like Shep, right?"

Tali shook her head, laughing bitterly. "Not at all. He's the opposite of what my father thinks is 'good people'."

"Hey, Shep's a great guy, and everyone knows it." the thief patted her knee. "You just have to forget about your dad."

"I want to. But for all his faults, he's still my father." she sighed. "I hate him for what his opinions have made me do to get his approval, but I still _want_ it." she pushed down tears, hands balling into fists. "And I _hate_ that his opinion would ever make me doubt my relationship with Shepard."

A slight knock on the door interrupted their conversation. "May I come in?" it was Hannah.

Kasumi raised a brow at her, and Tali nodded. John's mother was a wise woman; maybe talking to her would help.

Kasumi opened the door and Hannah stepped in, eyes warm.

"How are the preparations coming? Can I see your dress?"

Tali smiled despite herself, standing up. The woman was always genuine when she talked to you, something that was quite refreshing from the two-toned conversation politicians favoured. It was a trait her son had inherited.

"It isn't really a dress, but..." she began, doing as she was asked.

Hannah smiled. "You look wonderful, Tali. And I'm sure John will be impressed." her smile turned into a grin and Tali's face heated.

"Oh yeah. Shep's totally going to be all over that." Kasumi added, eyeing her with approval.

Thoughts of Shepard brought on feelings of bitterness, which made her angry. Damn Gerrel for reminding her of her father. And damn her father for making her feel bad when thinking about John.

Hannah stepped closer to her, sensing her distress. "Is there something wrong, honey?"

She nodded, feeling tears rising again. "It's—" her voice broke and she clenched her teeth.

Hannah touched her arm, eyes filling with concern. "Having second thoughts?"

She shook her head, almost violently. "No, I... it isn't about Shepard. I couldn't be more happy, but..."

"I heard what happened with Han'Gerrel. It seems he's really gotten to you." Hannah said gently.

Tali shook with the effort not to cry, and Hannah pulled her close. "It's alright, honey."

She no longer tried to hold it in, feeling tears make wet tracks down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around the other woman. Hannah rocked her gently, speaking softly in a motherly tone.

"Do you want me to call John up?"

Tali pulled away a little, sniffing. "No. I don't want him to be worried."

"He already is. But it's up to you." Hannah smiled at her. "What's bothering you, exactly?"

Tali pulled away from Hannah, despite how comforting the woman was. She sat down on the edge of the bed again. "This is supposed to be a happy day, and all I can think about is how much my father would hate all of this." she said, waving a hand around her. "The people here, John... all of it."

Hannah pulled a chair over, sitting across from her while Kasumi sat beside her.

"Are you marrying John to make your father angry?" Hannah asked gently.

Her head snapped up. "What? No! No, I love Shepard."

Hannah nodded. "I just want to make sure I've got all the facts. I wasn't saying you were a bad person, Tali." the woman sat back in her chair, calm and encouraging. "What about your mother? Would she have disapproved?"

Tali's brows drew together. "I don't think so. I was young when she died, so that never really came up, but... she wasn't like my father. I think she would have learned to like Shepard."

"And Raan seems pleased about this."

Tali nodded. "Yes."

"So it's just your father that would disapprove. And Gerrel, of course, but I'm sure you don't care about that." she added, smiling.

Tali let out a tiny laugh. "Ha, no."

Hannah grew somber. "It's often those that never approve of us are the one's whose opinion we crave most." she looked at Tali. "I know it's difficult to let go of your father's opinion, but know that if he is the only one disapproving, he is the one who is doing wrong, not you."

Such a simple, calm statement. But the impact it had on her could be felt throughout the room. Her chest no longer felt quite so tight, and the bitter taste in her mouth began to recede.

"I... thank you." her fingers knotted themselves at her waist. "I know I'm making the right decision, marrying Shepard, but..."

"Sometimes you simply need to hear it out loud to believe it." Hannah finished for her, and Tali nodded.

The woman got up from her chair, smiling. "I'm sure you two don't need my help, and I should be downstairs making sure nothing gets too crazy, anyway."

The volume of the party downstairs had gotten louder as they had spoken, making Tali smile. Hannah made to leave, but Tali grabbed her arm just before she reached the door.

"Thank you, Hannah. You don't know how much that helps."

The woman smiled. "Anytime, honey. You are my daughter now, after all."

* * *

The ceremony was about to begin.

As there were too many people to host the wedding inside, they had set up all the chairs by the cliff, the sun glinting off the ocean. A veritable paradise if Shepard ever saw one.

He was nervous, of course, but he thought little of it, figuring everyone felt this way before such a paradigm-shifting decision in their life.

Not that he didn't welcome such a change. Spending his life with Tali had seemed nothing more than a pipe dream during the war, and now that it would become a reality, anticipation gripped him. They would have spent their life together even if they weren't about to get married, but the fact that it was being so officially acknowledged made it seem more real.

But the nervousness at the unknown still lingered. He had no idea how to operate in the world outside of a war zone, and wondered if conflict would arise because of it.

"John." his mother's voice broke him away from his musings, and he looked down a few inches to see her gazing up at him, eyes watering.

"I'm so happy for you." she said, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Jesus, don't do this." he groaned, smiling faintly. She ignored him and wrapped her arms around him, sniffling. "So handsome, you are."

His cheeks heated and he quickly glanced around to make sure no one had heard that. Vakarian already had enough ammunition to begin with; no need to throw gasoline over it.

Still, he hugged his mother back, realising again how tiny she was. "I'm happy too."

She pulled back, sniffling again. "You look so much like your father."

"A wonder you ever slept with the ugly bastard." He heard Zaeed's voice behind him and turned away from his mother to see Massani standing there with the usual smirk on his homely face.

"Coming from you."

Zaeed snorted. "I'm a helluva lot pretty than you, Shepard. Good thing that quarian loves you; she'd be sleeping with someone else otherwise."

"What the hell you talking about? The Commander's a beauty." Vega's comment arrived a moment before he did, irreverent grin pasted on his scarred features. "Right, sir?"

"Go to hell, the both of you." he looked down at his mother. "See what you've done?"

She grinned. "I'll stop with the mushy stuff." she was about to walk away when she turned back around. Before he could react, she reached up and kissed him. "I'll see you later, sweetie."

Uproarious laughter was heard behind him as she walked away. Now more of the crew had shown up, just in time for that, of course.

"Sweetie!"

"Hey sweetheart! Can I get a kiss?"

"Where's your dress, Commander?"

"I'm going to fucking kill all of you."

* * *

Shepard stood at the foot of one of the aisles, waiting for the ceremony to start.

He'd briefly been informed on quarian traditions. There were two aisles, representing the paths of both husband and wife, with each party walking down one (which caused even more uproar at the fact that Shepard had to walk down an aisle—his shirt had gotten dirty when he'd tackled Zaeed to the ground) where they would both stop at a junction connecting the two "paths."

Three of their closest friends or family would lead them down, representing how both parties had been shaped into the person they were today by the people of great influence in their lives.

The person of greatest influence was the first to guide. Behind them was a close friend with whom the bride or groom walked with, and the most supportive of people bringing up the rear.

For Tali, Raan would be in front, Kasumi would be beside her, and Hannah at the back. That choice had surprised him, but also gave him an unexpected rush of pride; his mother had become an intimate of Tali's in just the few short months they'd known each other, and he was glad for the support she gave.

For Shepard, it was slightly different. The guiding figures in his life had died; the spot in front would only have ever been filled by Anderson or his father, both long past. And so he now lead, with Garrus to stand beside him. And, with as little anguish as he could muster, he'd asked Joker to be the other. He had still not told the man about EDI, but he promised himself that he would one day; doing so now would destroy the happy occasion. Shepard knew it was selfish and wrong, but a part of him wanted to be selfish, if even only for a day. His whole life had been built around aiding his crew, his loved ones, and the galaxy. He wanted a few hours for himself and Tali.

And Joker had been one of the few to stand beside him throughout the entirety of the war. It only seemed right to ask him. The pilot had, for once, not said anything sarcastic, only saying that he was honoured to be a part of the wedding.

The ceremony began, and he stepped forward, slowly walking down the aisle with Garrus beside him. He looked over to see if he could spot Tali, but it was no use; people sat in between both aisles, who were all currently standing as the ceremony started.

When he reached the junction, he caught sight of Tali, making his step falter. Joker bumped into him as a result, giving him a grin and pushing him forward.

He heard a couple people snicker as he reached the stopping point, coming to stand next to Tali.

The others went to stand around the junction, though not blocking the path the couple were supposed to walk down afterwards.

He leaned down to Tali, whispering quietly. "You look almost as good as you do naked."

She smacked him, glaring. "Shepard!"

Laughter went through the crowd as they watched the exchange, even if they didn't hear the words.

He joined the laughter, biting the inside of his cheek to stop any particularly loud outbursts. "It's true." he whispered back.

"You're unbelievable."

Raan came to stand in front of them, along with Hannah. Shepard's guiding figure was supposed to stand with Tali's, but because he didn't have one, Hannah subbed in for him, even though she walked with Tali.

Raan and Hannah began the formalities, which were mostly human ceremonial words, spoken in an effort to balance out both cultures. When those were finished, he and Tali would exchange vows and rings, then kiss. He knew that she'd be nervous about the last part, but Shepard would make sure to keep people from seeing as little as possible.

The opening words came to a close, and they turned to one another, beginning with their vows. Tali went first.

"So many paths I've chosen, none of them easy. They have brought both joy and sorrow, happiness and loss, health and disease. My path with you has been no less trying," she smiled, hearing more laughter echo, "But far more rewarding. John Shepard, I look forward to taking more of those paths with you, in the hope that we shall not stray apart from the trials ahead."

He smiled, drawing a little closer to her and beginning his. "My choices, my steps, have been happy, fulfilling, and pleasurable. They have also been painful, lonely, and filled with hardship. But I have walked for so long, trying to find something to drive me forward. An ideal to live for instead of duties to die for." he leaned closer, smiling. "And Tali'Zorah, you fit the bill pretty damn well."

More laughter, but he heard some sniffling amongst the amusement. Tali's eyes shone, and he knew she was smiling under the mask.

Kasumi grabbed the tiny box containing the ring, handing it to John; Garrus did the same for Tali.

Shepard grabbed her hand, kissing her knuckles and sliding the ring on. It was his father's ring still, as they'd spent too many credits on the house to buy a proper ring. In turn, Tali grabbed his hand, but stopped when she gazed at the crippled appendage.

"Um... where am I supposed to put it?" she asked, earning another round of laughter.

He looked down at his missing ring finger, grinning. Shepard swapped out his hands, smiling at her. "I'm sure no one will notice."

She slid the ring onto his other finger, smiling up at him. Hannah cleared her throat, making them look at her. "We now pronounce you two husband and wife." she grinned. "You may now kiss the bride."

He looked back down at Tali, whose eyes suddenly held a touch of fear. He reached up, unclasping the faceplate of her mask. Her hand rose up as if to stop him, but he shook his head faintly. "Just look at me." he whispered, so quietly that no one else could hear.

She nodded softly, and he took off the mask, her features glowing faintly in the setting sun. He smiled, reminded of how beautiful she was yet again.

Her eyes held fear and joy, but the former began to recede when Shepard stepped closer. But instead of leaning in, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, crushing her in a passionate kiss. There were whistles from several people in the crowd, laughter intermixing.

He let go a moment later, seeing her blow out a breath and her eyes looking slightly unfocused, making him grin.

She smiled back at him. "You're unbelievable." she said again.

He laughed. "I know."

* * *

Tali watched the festivities from her chair, the smile on her face never leaving.

After walking down the singular path ahead of them and hearing the near-deafening cheers and whistles from the Normandy crew, they'd cracked out the booze and the music and started to dance.

Shepard was not among those dancers. Instead, he appeared to be taking a verbal beating from Garrus, Zaeed and Vega.

"Alenko!" Vega called to Kaidan, who'd been talking to Chakwas. "Get over here! We need you to settle something!"

"I'm not getting involved!" he called back.

"Come on!"

"No!"

"He's a fucking Canadian! It's in his blood to stay away from disputes!" Shepard said, making the trio laugh.

"You racist bastard! Maybe I will come over there!"

"Testosterone poisoning." Hannah muttered next to her, making Kasumi and the other human members at the table snicker.

Tali looked over at her. "What?"

Hannah smiled, waving a hand at the yelling group. "You know, the hormone that makes men... well, men. Human men, anyway. Though it seems to translate fairly well across all species."

Tali laughed, looking back over at the men talking. They seemed to be in a heated argument about something, though she had no clue what. Kaidan had joined the group, though looked less emphatic about his stance on whatever topic they were discussing than the others did.

She looked around at the other members of the party, watching them mingle. The sun was almost set, and they had pulled out some twinkle lights to give a soft, friendly glow to the outside. A small area had been set up for dancing, and she watched Jack and a few others move fluidly across the ground to the beat of the music. Tali enjoyed the activity, but Kasumi had told her no dancing until she did so with Shepard.

So she hadn't been able to dance yet.

Kasumi watched her friend stare off hopefully at the dance floor, and she silently got up from the table, no one noticing her sneaky tip-toeing. She walked over to the sound system, changing the upbeat tune to a slow rhythm, making the people on the dance floor groan in protest.

"What the fuck, chink? I'm not done dancing!" Jack protested.

"I'm Japanese, dummy. And Shep needs to bust a move up here with his wife." the thief looked across the dance floor to glare pointedly at Shepard, jerking her head over at Tali. _Go dance with her._

She could practically hear him sighing, but he broke away from the argument, which the others noticed, of course.

"Gonna go dance with your wife, Shepard?"

"Twenty minutes and the poor bastard's already whipped!"

The Commander turned around, grinning at them. "I'm getting laid tonight and you jackasses aren't. Why don't you go think about that for a while?"

Uproarious guffaws could be heard from the crowd, most notably Wrex's gravelly tones, who was sitting on a crate talking to Grunt.

Shepard came to stand in front of his wife, who crossed her arms firmly. "'Going to get laid tonight'?" she asked.

He grinned at her. "With milady's permission, of course."

"I should hope so." she muttered, making him laugh. "And you're lucky I don't punch you for that."

He shrugged, offering her a hand. "Would you like to dance?"

She looked up at him. "I thought you said you wouldn't? Something about not making a fool of yourself?"

His eyes shined. "Nobody's going to be looking at me, Tali."

That coxed a couple "aw's" from some of the women that sat at the table, making Tali duck her head a little. But she took his hand following him to the dance area, whistles and cheers calling after them.

They came to stand in the middle of the floor, and he put a hand on her waist, the other grabbing her hand and twining his fingers through hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they began to sway gently in time with the music.

"You seem to know what you're doing." she commented. He was hardly a natural dancer and possessed no real grace in such an environment, but his movements were confident and sure, making up for his lack of skill.

"I always know what I'm doing." he replied casually, stepping closer to her. "You really do look beautiful, Tali."

She grinned. "Maybe you will get laid tonight."

He burst out laughing, pulling her close. "God, I love you, woman."

* * *

They watched the last of the crew head off back towards the Normandy, leaving the couple alone, finally.

It was late into the night, and his bones ached from all the standing and talking he'd been doing. He was tired, but that hardly meant that the night was over.

They walked back towards the house in silence, arm in arm. The night had been filled with laughter, stories and liquor, which always seemed to produce an interesting outcome with their odd group of friends.

Tali felt Shepard's arm slip away from hers as he stepped up to open the door. He flicked the lights on, standing in the doorway. The light cast his form in shadow, making it impossible to see his face.

He extended his palm to her. "Ready to go to bed, miss Vas Normandy?"

She looked down at his hand, studying its features. It was broad and callused, thick fingers ending with blunt fingernails. It was marked with the white of scar tissue, damaged and broken by war, its missing finger a legacy of the most difficult one ever fought.

Yet for all its faults, it was confident and strong, always willing to catch or comfort her. That path was not perfect, and maybe not even pretty, but it was one with Shepard, the man she loved more than words could say.

She took it without hesitation.

* * *

Yes, you have reached The End. I know, I'm sad too.

I just want to thank you guys for all the wonderful reviews and helpful suggestions, as this would be an icky mess of words otherwise. It's been an awesome ride, and if you enjoyed this, I suggest sticking around. My next story will be up soon, and it'll contain disgusting amounts of Tali + Shep fluff, as always.

Anyway, I hope you loved this as much as I did!

- Sneaky


End file.
